Anthony Udo Ekanem - Dealing with Anger

Are you currently going through a stage in life where it seems like there is always something to be angry about? If so, you are not alone! You would not believe how many people there are in the world that have a hard time controlling their anger from time to time. Even people who are not usually angry people will likely come to a time in their life where the load is too much and they find themselves becoming more and more irritable day by day.

Anger is an emotion, but a lot of people are unaware of the fact that anger is actually a secondary emotion. By this I simply mean that in order for you to feel angry there has to be some other emotion that comes first which triggers the anger. Two of the most common emotions that lead to anger would be fear and depression. The two combined would almost surely lead to a person who is not able to control their anger.

Even though anger is a secondary emotion, it is still an emotion, and if used correctly it can wield some advantages for you. You need to learn how to control your anger. I understand that this is something that is much easier said than done. However, if you approach dealing with your anger with the right set of tools you will surely be successful.

The following chapters of this book will go over some techniques that may be helpful for you when you are trying to control your anger and other emotions. This book will also go over other elements of anger such as its roots and where it is truly stemming from.

Anger can seriously impact an individuals life in a negative way if it is not contained and dealt with in a proper manner. Many people are not sure of how to control their anger and this soon leads to complete loss of control of all their emotions as well as their life. It is important that you learn how to control your anger and learn how to turn it into a force that you can use to your advantage.

When trying to deal with anger issues, it is important that you learn what your triggers are. Learning what you need to stay away from can make all of the difference when you are trying to get a hold on your anger. Different people will have different triggers, what makes one person angry may not necessarily have the same effect on another person. For this reason, it is important that you figure out your own triggers and do not use the triggers of other people as your reference.

It is also important that you begin to learn the signs that you are becoming angry, before you are in a full rage. Just as with triggers, different people will have different signs that they are becoming angry. However, many of these signs will be similar and easy to recognize.

The following paragraphs will go over the basics of anger. We will discuss some different types of anger as well as some common signs of anger. These are things that are very important to know about; so make sure you pay close attention.

The Basics

As mentioned before, there is more than just one form of anger. Different forms of anger can exhibit different symptoms and will also have different levels of intenseness. There are also different causes of anger and the following will give you some example of these causes.

Stress

Stress is probably one of the most common causes of anger for people. Todays society can be very stressful and it can be hard to find time for yourself to sit in quiet and relax. The world is constantly full of noise and commotion and this can begin to take a toll on a persons emotional well-being after a while.

Financial Issues

Financial issues are another common cause for a person being angry. It can become quite stressful when bills keep piling up no matter how hard you try to pay them off. And as mentioned before, stress is probably the most common cause of anger shared by different people.

Social and Family Issues

A person who is having troubles with their social and family life will more than likely start to become an angry person over time. At the same time, anger issues will make their social and family issues even worse. It is a vicious cycle that will be endless unless you discover a way to break the cycle.

Drug and Alcohol Abuse

Drug and alcohol abuse is also another common cause of someone losing control of their anger. Drug and alcohol is another area in anger where a vicious cycle is created. For example, you are angry so you use drugs or drink to feel better which in turn only leads to your being angry again. Break the cycle!

As mentioned before, there are different types of anger and it is important that you determine what type of anger you suffer from. Knowing what type of anger you suffer from will make it a great deal easier to deal with the issue. The following are a few examples of the most common types of anger.

Aggressive Anger

Aggressive anger is the more noticeable type of anger. People who experience this type of anger have a hard time controlling their rage and may act out on impulses caused by their anger. You may see people who have aggressive anger become violent when they are angry. In many situations, a person with aggressive anger will do or say things while they are angry that they do not mean and they come to feel guilty about it once they have calmed down. The only problem with this is the fact that their actions cannot be undone no matter how bad they feel about it. This can lead to problems in a persons life if action is not taken. For example, angry outbursts can easily lead to loss of relationships or can even lead to your doing something that you may receive jail term for. If you are a person is aggressively angry, it is highly important that you begin working on your anger immediately.

Passive Anger

Passive anger is not as obvious or intense as aggressive anger but it is still not healthy for your emotional well-being. Some people who get passively angry may not even be aware of the fact that they are angry. It is an anger that rests more on your subconscious level and does not sit right at the front of your brain the way aggressive anger does. People who are passively angry will find themselves getting revenge for their anger in not so obvious ways. Many times people who are passively angry will just take things from people until they have had enough and figuratively speaking, explode.

Passive Aggressive Anger

This form of anger is a mixture of the previous two. Passive aggressive anger will not show itself right away but will soon fester into a rage. People with this type of anger will find themselves getting madder and madder as the time goes by.

As mentioned before in this book, anger is classed as a secondary emotion which means that there is some other emotion that a person experiences which in turn leads to anger. One common primary emotion that leads to anger is fear. There is nothing we can really do to stop this as it is hard wired into our brain as part of our flight or fight system. Fight or flight is where your brain makes a snap second decision to either run from danger or stand your ground and fight the danger away. Fight or flight will initially be felt as fear, as this is what will trigger it and then it will either remain fear or it will quickly turn to rage.

People are capable of doing some very amazing things when they are in fear. People are also known to have large amounts of strength while they are fearful and some people may even black out. If you mix any of these effects of fear with anger you are sure to come up with an outcome that you do not want. It is highly important that you are aware of ways in which you can control your anger, even in fearful situations. Remember, you always want to be in control of your emotions and never let your emotions control you.