Sharon Smyth - The Things They Never Tell You about Becoming Mum

The things they
never tell you about
becoming mum

Sharon Smyth

Copyright 2012 by Sharon Smyth.

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Contents

Feel free to ignore the little pearls of
wisdom that you are told (no, really, do)

Acknowledgements

Huge gratitude to my new parent friends whose support, humour, and shoulders to cry on were truly a godsend. Thank you especially to those of you, you know who you are, who kindly read my book and gave me your views and encouragement.

This book is dedicated to my beautiful baby girl Ellie. Words simply cannot express the wonder and joy you bring.

... my names Sharon. When I turned thirty-one, I gave birth to one amazing daughter, who, as I write this, is now almost three. Im not special in any particular way nor am I particularly different from hundreds of other mums out there, so why I have written this book?

Well, for a variety of reasons, I decided to write down my experiences of becoming a mum, and my friends and family encouraged this crazy idea. Writing things down made me feel good and, especially early on, helped me to keep a sense of me the me that wasnt just about having a baby and coping, the me that had been a career-driven woman, the me that liked order and predictability, and the me that liked to be in control.

This last key fact will be very relevant in several places in the forthcoming pages where I refer to myself, in a positive sense, as a control freak. I like to be in control of my life as much as possible, meaning that I like to plan ahead, know whats happening, and feel that I can influence it. I dont think this is unusual, but it is challenging within the context of having a baby.

So why should you read this?

This isnt a scientific fact-filled book and nor is it designed as a guide to parenthood. I am not, and do not pretend to be, an expert on any of this. I have one amazing baby girl who was only twelve weeks old as I started to write this. Of course, she will be considerably older by the time I finish it as it has to be written in short chunks when she allows me time, and I mean short chunks five minutes was good going to start with!

This book was my way of keeping my sanity and recording for others some of the things that nearly drove me mad or made me howl with laughter.

Here then are the things I wish someone had told me, given in what I hope is a logical order, starting with items relevant to pregnancy. I hope you find this a helpful read and, most of all, I hope it makes you laugh!

Sharon

First, before we get started, I have to confess that I am one of those annoying people who actually, on the whole, loved my pregnancy. It should be noted that, like most pregnant ladies, I did endure my share of uncomfortable side effects: morning sickness (the highlight of which was throwing up in a work friends car before I had even told her I was pregnant!), heartburn, a really, really huge belly, and the most horrifically itchy belly (more on that later). Despite this, I do tend to err on the glass-half-full philosophy of life and hence these unfortunate side effects didnt make, and havent made, me feel any less positive about my pregnancy.

Similarly, I feel lucky for the way my labour and birth went. No, I didnt cough and, hey presto, produce a baby, and no, its not an experience I want to repeat every day, but I feel positive about how it went. This is what makes me feel lucky.

Second, it goes without saying that everyones pregnancy, labour, and birth of their baby is different; its a very personal experience. That said, there are some things which I think are sound points for all.

These two things mean that my writing on this particular topic will not be an endless list of potential problems, a trip through medical terms, or a guide to the nine months. Instead, I will share with you the seven things which I wish someone had told me when I was pregnant suffices to say, a list of seven seems like a reasonable number for women who are already coping with being pregnant.

For some reason, once you are pregnant, everyone will feel it is acceptable, even required, to give advice and share their stories. Always (yes, always) switch off at these points in the conversation and concentrate instead on the little one growing inside your belly. Positive thinking is the only way to go when it comes to your birth and labour fact.

Dont get me wrong. I love talking about my pregnancy; it was an amazing experience, and I love to share it, but I share when asked, when someone looks interested, and I share carefully. Unfortunately, this is something which, it appears, ninety-nine per cent of the population are unable to do.

The most appalling example of this is that everyone (including complete strangers) will now feel compelled to share with you their birth horror stories. I recall so many people revelling in seeing my reaction as they described their traumatic experience in detail. I was worried enough about how this whole birth thing was going to work as it was!

There are, of course, several other situations in which you should always zone out:

Enjoy your pregnancy, and get lots of rest now while you can. This is one of the most common pieces of advice given when people first find out that you are expecting, and to my mind, it is also totally unhelpful. Not every aspect of pregnancy is enjoyable, and being told to enjoy it will not make you do so!

Dont worry, dear. The nightly toilet trips are good practice for when your little one arrives its natures way. The truth here is that the several nightly trips to the loo, which you are no doubt making at stages in your pregnancy, are really horrific breaks in sleep. So lets give a big thanks to Mother Nature since we now effectively suffer disturbed sleep in advance too! Add to that the fact that the kindly souls sharing this advice with me always appeared to be taking great enjoyment out of effectively saying I would get less rest when my bundle arrived. Even if this is true, is it too much to ask that people dont wish it on us with such gusto?

I know it sounds ridiculous and dont get me wrong, Im not suggesting that you can select exactly what type of birth you want and hey presto, that is what you get. This is about doing your research now so that you understand what does and could happen during labour and birth as well as the options and choices you have. Knowing your preferences for different eventualities, understanding the local healthcare options and being clear with your birth partner and midwife about them can be incredibly reassuring. But prepare also for the fact that any and all plans or ideas you have may go out of the window when the day arrives you may change your mind, or circumstances may make your original plans impossible. In the end, the resulting little one is all that matters.

Crucially, remember to talk to your birthing partner about the whole labour and birth process. Whether your partner, other family member, or friend is coming along, they too need to be prepared. If its their first birth, then they will also be concerned about how they will cope and what they should do; discussing it makes it easier for them to support you better.