Bukiwe Zonke - My Life After Death

My Life
After Death

Bukiwe Zonke

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2014 Bukiwe Zonke. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 04/22/2014

ISBN: 978-1-4918-9466-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-9467-5 (e)

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Contents

Dear God who forgave and forgives all my sins,

Dear Jesus Christ of Nazareth Who died for me on Calvary.

Dear Holy Spirit Who dwelt in me and gave me peace all this time.

I am greatly disappointed in my faith in you. I believed my path would be clear, my decision-making sound, my choices in life, good. All this I thought would be because You lead me, Guide me and direct me.

I am getting a divorce now. It is all because of my faith in You. I believed with all my heart that you were leading me, that I was marrying a person chosen by You. I believed it because it is not anything I prayed for, but I reasoned that, like a butterfly starts of from being a cocoon, I thought you were showing me that you take what is nothing and make it much, for Your Glory.

I thought that this unusual marriage truly came from You. Everything about it drew attention from beginning to end. I thought it was You. I have given it my all.

I give my passion up. I will not have the opportunity of testifying to young women that You did this and that for me. I give my passion up to you. It was merely a daily dream.

I have woken up now.

Yet against my will I love You, and that is with all my heart. I believe on Someone that I do not know, Who is just there to comfort me if I give Him a second and listen. I am hooked on a relationship that seems to be growing without much effort from me. I feel safe and free, like a person in love. I know I can conquer anything and everything that tries to hinder me, because I have the confidence and conviction that I can do anything I set my mind to doing because God guides me. In my relationship with Him, I get the confidence I need to do things I never thought I would ever do. He reassures me softly and almost audibly that its all going to be alright.

So glad I made it!!!

I made it through! Im so glad I made it, I made it I made through I made it through!!!!

Oh my God Thank you! Im so glad I made it, Its been a long trying time for me, the devil is a liar!!

Whoa, I made it through!

I am learning that all things that happen to us are intended to makes us better, I am noticing that they are put at just the right junctures of our lives so that the dross of life would be eaten up by the fire of the tribulations we must go through. As fallen mankind, God has to take away our selfish nature to prepare us for the better things that life has to offer. The tribulations are lifes waters and fire which are purposed to purge us from the dirt and grime of life as we climb to higher levels. They are a preparation for a new level of greatness waiting to happen in our lives.

Difficult times come into our lives for the sake of building our character, these challenging times are there to educate us on how to live in this planet and they serve as preparation for ourselves to meet our Creator one day. Just as our parents took us to preparatory school and then to Primary and High school, so does God take us into unfamiliar grounds to untap the potential we have inside ourselves to be much better than we ever thought possible. He allows us to undergo stressful situations to eliminate the idling of our minds which is dangerous to mankind if left unchecked.

These troubles, if taken in the context of growth and maturity, start shaping our attitudes as we grow in them because they uplift our thinking processes, like one figuring a puzzle, they take us to levels we have never experienced before. And as we feel exhilarated after completing a puzzle, we feel as rejuvenated when the storm is over. But, just as the examinations test at school are more difficult as we pass each Grade, so is the intensity of our troubles as we become better people to live with and to be around with. That is no reason to throw in the towel though, because even as we pass our grades, we still hope to go to tertiary and learn even more. We should take courage that whatever is behind us has made us strong to face what is before us.

These challenges give us the tenacity to stick it in even when we dont know where our breakthrough will come from. It is a preparation for us to get back the things that we labored for and never received, because, maybe we were still unsure of our capabilities, maybe we were unsure of our identity, we were still busy copying other peoples lives. We were not fully stretched to receive what was purposed for us to contain.

Our lifes muscles have to endure the strain of containing greatness.

We fumble and grope for any solution to our struggles, until we stop talking about it, until all the energy needed to tell somebody else what is going on in our lives escapes us. We just keep quiet, we start thinking harder now, we start envisioning ourselves out of the problem. Then we follow through any and every way we can attain to get out.

Then we soon realize that we cannot just whiz our way out of the situation. This happens just when we think we have the situation figured out, something else happens to block out our envisioned victory. We then sit down wallowing at our defeat, which is the fact that we were not able to snatch ourselves quick enough from the trouble surrounding us, we look again now and the giant in our lives has become bigger and stronger in our view.

We sometimes feel so defeated, we just want to crawl to a little corner and die. We are convinced that our situation will catch up with us and swallow us in and we sometimes believe that we can never be resurrected from it. Our hope dissipates, we look around us and realize that we do not have time to pity ourselves because there are people in our lives who, firstly look up to us for support, financially and otherwise and we realize that even though we want to, but we just cannot come out and show them just how demotivated we feel. We learn to keep what we feel in check and not let it go awry.

Secondly we learn that other people are watching our every move, and that they will be exurbant if we were to show ourselves as defeated. We learn that there are people who are watching the progress of our lives with disdain. They make comments that are intended to break our already dented hearts.

Then there are those people that you do not know whether they feel your pain or they are just being inquisitive, these people are the ones who take you by the hand after the meeting while everybody is coming out from the board room. They stop you in the middle of the passage with everybody walking out and they tell you that you dont look happy, they ask if there is anything wrong.

While you are puzzled and astounded by this interrogation, your mind is wondering where this came from and where is it going, your thoughts are interrupted as they tell you that they have been noticing it for a long time now. Everybody turns and look curiously at this observation about you.