Donna Ford - What Daddy Did: The shocking true story of a little girl betrayed

In What Daddy Did , Donna Ford author of the bestselling book, The Step Child tells the rest of her story. While it is a tale of the appalling physical, mental and emotional inheritance left to Donna, it is also a tale of how exhilaration, tenderness and self-development can flourish despite childhood horrors. What Daddy Did will speak to readers of how we all can find hope from the darkest of histories.

The shocking true story of a little girl betrayed

Donna Ford

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ISBN 9781407023205

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Published in 2008 by Vermilion, an imprint of Ebury Publishing

Ebury Publishing is a Random House Group company

Copyright Donna Ford 2008

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ISBN: 9781407023205

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I'd like to dedicate this book to the memory of Auntie Nellie, Bob, Flora and Dan the man gone but never ever forgotten.

With love, Donna xx

To Linda Watson-Brown, an extremely talented writer who has worked with me on both of my books, gently prodding me and pushing me to clarify my thoughts while supporting me as only a true friend can do. Linda, I thank you for your love and skill, for holding me when I was breaking my heart, for making me feel so safe by cuddling me up in furry blankets and letting me weep while our children all slept safely upstairs.

To Jenny Brown, my agent your friendship I value, your talent and professionalism I am in awe of. Thank you, Jenny I love both you and Linda so much because you are also wonderful mothers.

To Clare Hulton at Random House thank you for believing in me, for listening to my story and for the respect you show me. To Julia Kellaway, who came in to the story halfway, but has contributed so much in the way of making this project as smooth-running as possible, and to Roger Field, who has dealt with the legal readings both sensitively and professionally. Thank you all so much these books wouldn't have been possible without you all.

Thank you to Paul, Claire, Saoirse, Hannah, Katy, Andrea, Tony, Fiona, Derek and Matthew for being the best family EVER! I love you all.

And thank you to Christine and Stuart your unconditional love has been at times overwhelming, your friendship astounding. You are the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure to meet.

To Saritha, Tim and Shalini it will never matter which continent divides us; friendship has no boundaries. I love you all.

To Elaine well, they did call it puppy love!

And last, but by no means least, to my little sister Karen. Thank you for showing me, when no-one else could, that it was possible to give and receive love. I love you and a special kiss and hug for Claire and Hannah, love Auntie Donna xxx

Edinburgh, 2007

My name is Donna Ford.
I am 48 years old.
I used to be a really, really, really bad little girl.
Now I am a really, really, really good mother.

I'M NOT BAD any more. I never was. My stepmother was the evil one, but since trying to face what she did to me as a child what she allowed to be done to me I have tried to focus on the good things in my life.

And there are lots.

My pride and joy, my wonders, are my three children. I have just come back from a holiday in Greece with my eldest daughter, Claire, and it was a fantastic experience. Now that I'm home, my youngest child, Saoirse, is in my arms, telling me her news, and hugging me as if she'll never let me go. I look over to my telephone and see the answering machine blinking. I get up, walk over and casually press the button to hear who has been trying to get me. It's my son, Paul. He wants to tell me that he and his fiance have got their first flat together. The excitement is flooding from his voice. He sounds as if all of his Christmases have come at once! Saoirse and Claire pick up on the atmosphere and start dancing in the living room. They know how much this means to Paul and they are delighted for him.

And me?

The room starts spinning.

There's a buzzing noise in my ears.

I feel hot and cold all at once.

I think I'm going to faint no, I think I'm going to scream.

Will anyone see me if I do? Will anyone hear me if I do?

I turn round to the girls and tell them how wonderful everything is. The words don't stick in my throat, but they stick in my heart.

I'm going to have to go back.

Before I went on holiday with Claire, Paul had told me that he was looking at flats with his fiance. As with most cities, there are only so many places young people can afford to rent in Edinburgh when they are taking their first steps to independence. Older areas. Areas which used to be predominantly working class. Areas with tenements and flats and a dirty grey feel to them that no amount of rejuvenation schemes and Lottery money will ever take away. Places just like the one in which I was raised.

My father, Don, and my stepmother, Helen, had taken me from my Barnardo's home when I was four years old and brought me to Easter Road. In that flat, Helen practised her abuse of me. It was there that she would beat me and flail me and scream at me and lock me up and starve me. It was there that she would tell me I was evil, that I was ugly, that I was a bastard, that no good would ever come to me because a little girl like me didn't deserve good things in her life.

When we all lived in that flat, I thought it couldn't get worse.

I should have known.

We moved to a new house in Edina Place, a street just off Easter Road, where Helen could perfect her skills. She kept on with her campaign of hatred, but she also decided to bring in some additional help. Physically and verbally abusing me just wasn't enough for her not when she could have her special 'parties'. Parties where she would invite men to do whatever they wanted with me, and where she could act the convivial hostess. Parties where she would stand outside my bedroom door as I was raped. In Edina Place, I grew to dread the sound of the doorbell, the particular rings which the men would use.