Arsham Parsi - Exiled for Love: The Journey of an Iranian Queer Activist

EXILED FOR
LOVE

EXILED FOR
LOVE

THE JOURNEY OF AN IRANIAN QUEER ACTIVIST

ARSHAM PARSI

with MARC COLBOURNE

ROSEWAY PUBLISHING
an imprint of Fernwood Publishing
Halifax & Winnipeg

Copyright 2015 Arsham Parsi with Marc Colbourne

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Editing: Brenda Conroy

Cover photo: Property of Arsham Parsi

Design: John van der Woude

Printed and bound in Canada

Published by Roseway Publishing

an imprint of Fernwood Publishing

32 Oceanvista Lane, Black Point, Nova Scotia, B0J 1B0

and 748 Broadway Avenue, Winnipeg, Manitoba, R3G 0X3

www.fernwoodpublishing.ca/roseway

Fernwood Publishing Company Limited gratefully acknowledges the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Canada Book Fund, the Canada Council for the Arts, the Nova Scotia Department of Tourism and Culture and the Province of Manitoba, through the Book Publishing Tax Credit, for our publishing program.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Parsi, Arsham, 1980-, author

Exiled for love : the journey of an Iranian queer activist / Arsham

Parsi ; with Marc Colbourne.

Issued in print and electronic formats.

ISBN 978-1-55266-701-9 (pbk.).--ISBN 978-1-55266-760-6 (epub)

1. Parsi, Arsham, 1980-. 2. Gay men--Iran--Biography. 3. Gay

rights--Iran. 4. Iran--Social conditions--1997-. I. Colbourne, Marc,

author II. Title.

HQ75.8.P373A3 2015 306.76'62092 C2015-900605-8

C2015-900606-6

Contents

Acknowledgments

First of all, I sincerely thank Marc Colbourne for helping me write the first volume of my life story. Without him I wouldnt have been able to do so.

Although it would never be possible to thank them enough, I acknowledge my parents, Mahvash and Karim, as well as my uncle Hessem, for their unwavering love and support. I also thank my sisters, Elnaz, Tannaz, and Farina, for being the best sisters in the world. They love their gay brother as much as I love them. I am so proud to have such an open-minded and supportive family.

I thank my partner, Shahryar, for tolerating me. I am certain it isnt easy to have a super busy partner who is married to a cause.

Thank you to the people who warmly welcomed and supported me during the first few years of my life in Canada and helped me to continue my activism. These special individuals include Gilles Marchildon, Paul Durber, the Hon. Dr. Hedy Fry, the Hon. Jason Kenney, Bill Siksay, Jamie Ellerton, Dr. Victoria Tahmasebi, Farid Haerinezhad, Lane Mason, Mokhtaris family, Michelle Douglas, Glen Murry, Olivia Chow, Kim Vance, Samaneh Riazi, and many more.

I thank my friends outside of Canada who have gone above and beyond to support me and the LGBT Iranian cause: Philipp Braun, John Fisher, Scott Long, Stephen Weiss, Doug Ireland, who passed away recently, Wallace Hutson, Klaus Jetz, Paul Horn, Helge Tiller, Mansour Hosseini, Kambiz Hosseini, Ali Hamedani, Ally Bolour, Hossein Alizadeh, and Janet Afary. There are several more that should be added to this list but to do so would require another book.

I acknowledge all Iranian queers as well because I dedicated my life to this cause, and I look forward to a day when we can live in Iran freely as queer citizens.

Finally, thank you to the reader for being interested in the lives of Iranian queers and for desiring a world where everyone is appreciated for who they are.

Arsham Parsi

Writing Exiled for Love was not easy. It is a story of tremendous pain but also one filled with unparalleled inspiration and passion. To hold someones story in your hands is a great privilege and responsibility. There were many days when it weighed heavily and prevented the words from coming. It was only because of the many supportive people in my life that I was able to move beyond this and give voice to Arshams incredible story.

First of all, I thank Arsham for giving me the gift of Exiled for Love . Thank you for the trust you placed in me to tell your story and your patience when it took longer than we had planned. The passion with which you live your life and your unwavering dedication to LGBT human rights in Iran and around the world is an inspiration to us all.

Thank you to my parents, Rex and Sandra, who support me in every way parents should. Your belief in me has allowed me to try new things, to celebrate my successes, and to learn from my stumbles.

Writing is often a solitary venture. Increased word counts are often in direct correlation with time sacrificed from friends and loved ones. To Jill and Kathleen, thank you for your understanding when writing had to be the priority, for being sounding boards when I was stuck, and for believing in me when I didnt. Much love.

Chris Benjamin, you inspired me more than you know or care to admit. Your generosity in mentoring me, providing advice and guidance when I was unsure of the next step, and reminding me that writing is a mix of love and work is immeasurable. As you encouraged me to do, I will pay it forward.

To Beverley Rach at Roseway Publishing and my editor, Brenda Conroy, thank you for the care you gave to Exiled for Love. It was a tremendous privilege working with you on this project. I feel incredibly fortunate that this book found a home with you. I look forward to working with you both in the future.

And finally, to everyone who has struggled or faced undue hardship and pain because of who you are or who you love, I hope you draw strength and hope from Arshams story. There is courage and beauty to be found in each and every day. Find it. Celebrate it. And on days when you are feeling strong, celebrate it in others.

Marc Colbourne

For my family for their love and support.
And for all LGBT people in Iran who are still living in silence.

AP

For my family for their love.
And to Arsham whose strength and resilience is a constant inspiration. Thank you for trusting me with your story.

MC

United Nations High Commission for Refugees, Ankara, Turkey

I pushed down on my knee. Hard. Yet no amount of pressure could bring my shaking leg under control. I prayed Morad didnt mistake my growing nervousness for the anxiety of a liar. This was the most important day of my life, and I was desperately afraid of messing it up.

***

Before my name was called, I had sat in the waiting room with several other hopeful Iranians. Most were Bahai or Christian fleeing religious persecution in our country. I was the only one there because of my sexual orientation. As we waited, we shared pieces of our stories, mere glimpses into what had led us to make the difficult decision to leave our homeland, friends and family.

When they broke into our home during our prayer circle I knew that was it. We couldnt stay there. I knew the day would come I had hoped it wouldnt but we all knew it would.

And you? Are you Bahai? I looked up when I realized the question was directed at me.

No.

Christian then.

No.

Well, you certainly arent a woman. Cautious laughter.

Im gay. There was a pause. It probably didnt last as long as it felt, but I can still remember the definite silence.