Shannon Miller - Its Not About Perfect: Competing for My Country and Fighting for My Life

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For Rocco and Sterling, my two miracles

I am so thankful for all of those who have supported me, strengthened me, and inspired me.

I thank God; With Him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

To my parents, Ron and Claudia, who taught me to dream big and work hard, who continue to encourage me in all of my endeavors, with honesty and love, thank you.

To my sister, Tessa, and brother, Troy, I will forever be grateful to you for keeping me grounded, keeping me going, and helping me soar, all at the same time.

To my husband, John, my rock, you inspire me every day to be the best person I can be. Thank you for your love; thank you for the laughter.

To my phenomenal coaches Steve Nunno and Peggy Liddick, thank you. You will always hold a special place in my heart for all that you have done for me, from life lessons to helping me travel the world competing in a sport I love.

To Nick Furris, an admirable mentor, a tremendous business partner, and, above all, my friend, thank you for taking a leap of faith with me on this incredible journey.

To Lauren Fox, for your limitless enthusiasm, creativity, dedication, and passion for the mission, thank you. You are an absolute gem.

To Jackie Culver, thank you for your expertise and your energy. You wear many different hats each day and you wear them all with style.

To Jerry Clavier, my very first coach, thank you for fostering my love of gymnastics, the endless hours waiting for me to finally leave the gym for the night, and your selflessness in encouraging me to spread my wings.

To USA Gymnastics for the many tremendous opportunities and outstanding memoriesabove all, the chance to represent my country on the world stage.

To the United States Olympic Committee, it has been an honor to work with such extraordinary people throughout the years. Thank you for allowing me to play a small part in such an incredible movement.

To Dr. Stephen Buckley, Dr. William Long, Dr. Thomas Virtue, and all of my extraordinary doctors and nurses. Thank you for your positive attitude even during the darkest moments; thank you for all that you do for me and each one of your patients.

And to all caregivers who give endlessly, selflessly, and heroically to make the way just a little bit easier for those in need. (Please dont forget to take care of yourself along the way . )

To Danny Peary, thank you for helping me share my story; the gymnastics years in particular were filled with both thrilling moments and those that I might rather forget. However, it was often these trying times that became critical in my success and in forming who I am today. Im thankful for your ability to pull so many moments of my life together in a way that sheds light into my own trials and triumphs that are reflected in the lives of so many. And thank you to your wife, Suzanne, daughter Zo, and the gymnast in your family, granddaughter Julianna, for sharing you over the past many months.

To Al Zuckerman at Writers House for believing in this book and that it might help many out there who are facing obstacles and battling the many issues that life throws at each of us on a daily basis.

To Rob Kirkpatrick, for your guidance, excitement, and support for this project. You are an amazing editor and I thank you for your thoughts and ideas. Congratulations to you and your wife on the beautiful addition to your family!

To Jennifer Letwack, it has been a pleasure to work with you. Thank you for all of your help along the way. Particularly in narrowing down thirty-seven years of photos!

To my copy editor, Justine Gardener; dust jacket designer, Danielle Fiorella; book publicist, Jessica Lawrence; marketing manager, Karlyn Hixson; and the many others who worked tirelessly behind the scenes at Thomas Dunne/St. Martins to create a work that is, I hope, beautiful both inside and out. And thank you to Elina Mishuris, a splendid transcriber.

To the very kind and gifted photographers Dave Black, Liliane Hakim, Renee Parenteau, Mike Proebsting, Sable Tidd, and Matthew White, who graciously shared their art, their work, throughout this book.

To my amazing fans, you have stuck by me through the ups and downs of my career and my life. You give and give and give and I cannot thank you enough for your support.

Finally, for all of those affected by cancer, you are not alone lets keep fighting!

Dont judge me by my successes but rather how many times I fell and got back up again.

NELSON MANDELA

Dr. Virtue didnt sugarcoat it. He looked me in the eye and said bluntly, Shannon, Ive discovered a cyst on your left ovary that is about seven centimeters in diameter.

Pow.

For me, this confirmed that life can change in the blink of an eye.

In my gymnastics career Id taken many hard falls and suffered numerous painful injuries, from a fractured elbow to severe hamstring pulls to a ripped stomach muscle, but never had I felt such seismic shock to my body as when I heard my doctors words.

I just thank God I heard them. Im ashamed to confess that I had almost postponed my appointment, a routine examination with my gynecologist, that memorable morning in mid-December 2010. My days were no longer filled with chalk dust and sweat. Having traveled a long and arduous road, I had found my passion as an advocate for womens health. My mission was (as it still is) to help women make their health a priority. But was I listening to my own words and those of the endless experts, doctors, nurses, and survivors Id interviewed or spoken to over the years? I knew the importance of keeping my scheduled appointments, but because of my own demanding schedule, Id called my doctor to postpone.

I was put on hold, and in those few seconds, I felt a tinge of guilt for not practicing what I preached. I could swear I heard from above a whispering in my ear, Dont delay! I didnt wait. In fact, I took the first available appointment, that very morning. Within an hour of my hanging up the phone, my life had changed forever.

The second blow came just weeks later when an ultrasound showed a large mass on my left ovary. Surgery followed and then there was confirmation that the mass was a malignant tumor.

I had cancer.

To be precise, I had ovarian cancer.

I felt that my body had betrayed me. I wondered how it was possible that I was so out of touch with my own body that I didnt realize I had something the size of a baseball growing inside me. In gymnastics, my body was my instrument, so I had no choice but to understand it, take care of it, and focus on it. When I was tumbling backward on a four-inch piece of wood or performing a difficult dismount off the uneven bars I had to focus 100 percent on every aspect of my body. And if I experienced an injury, I would have to know my body well enough to decide whether I could push through or needed to back off while it healed. But after I retired from competition, and busied myself with law school, marriage, and work, I quickly lost that focus.

With my first pregnancy came a renewed focus on my body but in a different way than before. During pregnancy, I thought of my body as a home, one that I needed to take care of for my son. But after he was born in late 2009, my body went through all kinds of changes that were completely foreign to me, which every new mother can relate to. That was part of my rickety explanation after the tumor was found for why my relationship with my body wasnt as close as it had always been. I had simply stopped paying attention. When I did have an issue it was quickly swept aside as insignificant. There were more important things to do than worry about a little tummy ache, or even multiple tummy aches.