Dana Sullivan - Unbuttoned: Women Open Up About the Pleasures, Pains, and Politics of Breastfeeding

The Harvard Common Press
535 Albany Street
Boston, Massachusetts 02118
www.harvardcommonpress.com

Copyright 2009 by Dana Sullivan and Maureen Connolly

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced
or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or
retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America
Printed on acid-free paper

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Unbuttoned : women open up about the pleasures, pains, and politics
of breastfeeding / edited by Dana Sullivan and Maureen Connolly.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-55832-397-1 (pbk.)
1. Breastfeeding--Miscellanea. 2. Breastfeeding--Anecdotes.
3. Lactation--Miscellanea. 4. Lactation--Anecdotes. I. Sullivan,
Dana. II. Connolly, Maureen.
RJ216.U33 2009
649'.33dc22
2008034204

Special bulk-order discounts are available on this and other
Harvard Common Press books. Companies and organizations may
purchase books for premiums or resale, or may arrange a custom edition,
by contacting the Marketing Director at the address above.

Cover design by Night & Day Design
Cover photograph Corbis
Text design by Jennifer Daddio

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Liam, Julia, and Carina:

You nourish me every day;
I am the luckiest mother in the world.

DS

To Jack, Sean, and Henry:

May I always be able to feed
your hearts and souls.

MC

Until we're pregnant, we have all sorts of feelings about our breasts: They're too big, too small, too saggy, too full, uneven, our favorite feature or the one we most wish to change. But during pregnancy, or shortly thereafter, the focus suddenly shifts from form to function. For some of us, this is the first time we've really considered what our breasts are designed to do: produce milk for babies.

The increase in breast size during pregnancy and after birth makes many women feel sexy, and knowing that their breasts are sustaining a life boosts many moms' self-esteem and sense of purpose. But there are also women who feel anything but sexy when nursing and lament the loss of their breasts as theirs alone. "I feel like a milk machine"or worse, "a cow"is how some women sum it up. Some moms are also disappointed by how their breasts performthey seem unable to do the job they were made to do. That was me.

As the editor of BabyCenter, the Web's most popular destination for pregnancy and parenting information, I'd worked on hundreds of articles about the health benefits of nursing for babies and moms. To think about anything other than breast-feeding was blasphemy. Fast forward nine months, and I was in the throes of a serious breastfeeding drama. I had cracked and bleeding nipples, searing pain with latch-on, two cases of mastitis, and thrushall within the first six weeks. But I didn't throw in the towel. I felt I couldn't, and with each challenge I faced, my urge to go on strengthened. "You can't quit now," I told myself. "Look what you've been through already." I nursed my daughter until she was six months oldlonger than I thought I could during the early days, but not long enough to satisfy the American Academy of Pediatrics or assuage my mommy guilt.

A lot of women have had similar experiences. One survey of BabyCenter moms showed that two out of three felt guilty about not breastfeeding or stopping too soon. As "beautiful and natural" as breastfeeding is, I've learned, it doesn't come easy for the vast majority of new moms.

Breastfeeding is consistently one of the top twenty search terms on BabyCenter, and it's one of the top five conversation topics in our online community. Clearly breastfeeding is something that women feel compelled to talk about. In our recent poll on the subject, 21 percent of the women who responded told us that they were "surprised" by how much they enjoyed nursing. The flip side of that: 25 percent were surprised by how hard it is.

This book is about women facing their breastfeeding challenges head on and making choices that only they can make. Each beautifully written, searingly honest story reminds me that no matter what your breastfeeding experienceor formula-feeding experienceyou're not alone. So settle downwith a babe in your arms or notand let yourself be moved by this incredible collective of mothers who open their hearts and shirts to bare their poignant breastfeeding stories.

Linda Murray
Editor-in-chief, BabyCenter.com

When Unbuttoned was conceived, one of us (Dana) was eighteen months into breastfeeding her third child, and the other (Maureen) was a few weeks into her third pregnancy. We initially wanted to write a "how-to" book about breastfeeding, given the breadth of experiencesboth good and, well, challengingthat we'd had. But we discovered that even though there wasn't one book on the market that included everything we wanted to hear, there were several that pretty much covered the bases. And since breastfeeding is one of those topics that elicits a reaction, an opinion, or a story from almost every woman who has had a childwhether she has nursed or notwe realized that an anthology could allow room for many different points of view.

Ultimately, the amazing writers we found gave us more than we could have dreamed of, and they shared their intimate stories with humor, candor, pain, and elation. One writes about her experiences dating while lactating. Another still feels the need to defend her decision not to breastfeed, even though her oldest child is now a teenager. Weaning is treated comically in two essays, and in another with an aching that brought tears to our eyes. Readers will undoubtedly see the truth in both perspectives. Every writer's experience is unique, but the themes of wonder, frustration, and gratitude are universal.

Suzanne Schlosberg was convinced that we'd find a publisher for this book; thank you, Suzanne, for helping us find Bruce Shaw, president and publisher at The Harvard Common Press. Bruce "got" the idea behind this book right awayand took a chance by agreeing to publish the company's first anthology. Jane Dornbusch and the crew at The Harvard Common Press came up with the perfect title; our editor, Linda Ziedrich, was so very patient while the essays trickled in and made astute observations that polished each one of them. We are grateful to our agent, Kathleen Spinelli, who believed in the book from the beginning and kept us on track. Thank you to the editors and writers who so eagerly read advance galleys of the book and offered their thumbs-ups and public endorsements. Christina Baker Kline, we are also grateful for your insights on all things book publicity-related. Most of all, we wholeheartedly thank all the wonderful writers who agreed to collaborate with us on this project.

When my second son was about a week old, I phoned the pediatrician in tears. My darling baby was mauling me. He was getting the milk he neededhe was, as the experts put it, "thriving"but he was clamping onto my breast like a toothless piranha on steroids.

Back then, Oliver's pediatrician was an impishly dashing Frenchman whose bedside manner was a captivating blend of charisma and candor, both extreme. So when I got him on the phone that day and said I was having a harder time with breast-feeding the second time around, he barked, "You do remembair zat EET URTS, do you not?"

I laughed. "Oh yes. That part I do remember."

"Good!" he exclaimed robustly. "Because eet does. Eet urts!" And then he told me how to give Oliver a crash course on infant table manners. I would get some reliefbut lose zee pain? Not so fast,