Must Read Summaries - Everyone Communicates, Few Connect - John C. Maxwell

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Main Idea

You, like everyone else communicate all the time whether you realize youre doing that or not. To become a genuinely effective leader, however, you have to learn howto connect with other people in everyday situations. Connecting this wayrequires that you first understand the five key principles of connection and then apply the corresponding five key practices:

You can always learn a lot by observing good leaders and communicators in action but your most intensive training will come as you work to apply what you observe. As you learn through trial and error what works and what does not, you can enhance your own ability to connect with others. The challenge in leadership is always to take what you have and to make the most of it rather than obsessing over what you dont have. Connecting with people will make that happen.

If you want to learn how to connect and thereby become more effective in everything you do, theres good news. Even if connecting with others isnt something youre good at today, you can learn how to do it and become better tomorrow. Learning to connect with people can change your life.

John Maxwell

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JOHN MAXWELL is a leadership expert, speaker and author. He has written more than 50 books which have sold over 18 million copies worldwide. Three of his books have sold more than a million copies each: The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, Developing the Leader Within You and The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader. Dr. Maxwell is a graduate of Ohio Christian University, Azusa Pacific University and Fuller Theological Seminary. He is the founder of EQUIP, a non-profit training organization which has trained in excess of 5 million leaders in 126 countries. John Maxwell speaks every year to a wide variety of organizations including Fortune 500 corporations, government leaders, the United Nations, the National Football League and the United States Military Academy at West Point.

Five Practices of Well Connected Leaders

There are five practices anyone can do to better connect with others regardless of your age, experience or natural ability. Learning how to do these things can significantly change your life. To become a better and more connected leader:

If I had to pick a first rule of communication the practice above all others that opens the door to connection with others it would be to look for common ground. That rule applies whether youre resolving conflict with your spouse, teaching a child, negotiating a deal, selling a product, writing a book, leading a meeting, or communicating to an audience. Its difficult to find common ground with others when the only person youre focused on is yourself!

John Maxwell

This sounds so obvious you would be right to question why it is sometimes so difficult for different parties to find common ground and build on it. There are four barriers which can cause people to struggle to find common ground:

1. Assumptions when you make the mistake of assuming you already know what the other party is thinking or feeling without getting around to asking them directly.
2. Arrogance when you dont believe its necessary to figure out what other people are feeling or want. Youll never really succeed in building a relationship with other people in the room if you dont care about them in the slightest.
3. Indifference when you cant be bothered making an effort to figure out what others want or need.
4. Fear of loss of control if you make an effort to understand what others are feeling, you may be afraid of appearing weak. Some leaders operate on the basis its best to keep people in the dark so they wont question whats going on too rigorously.

Although some people suggest finding common ground with others is a talent, its really a matter of cultivating the right kind of mind-set. Developing ways to find common ground is a choice. Its a skill which can be learned and acquired rather than something which is in your DNA or forget about it.

To get better at finding common ground with others, there are eight things worth doing:

• Availability make a conscious decision to spend enough time that you get to know whats going on first-hand. Be accessible and engaged in whats going on.
• Listen with empathy let others educate you about the facts of the situation. Dont be so busy talking you fail to pick up on what the other party is trying to say.
• Ask questions forget what you think you know and instead be interested enough to ask some probing questions. Get beneath the surface and figure out whats going on by asking some worthwhile questions and then waiting for an answer.
• Be thoughtful go out of your way to think of others and thank them for their input.
• Have an open mind and let other people come into your life. Establish common interests and build on those.
• Be likeable which means care about other people and be willing to do helpful things. People always like those who like them back.
• Be humble think about the needs of the other person before putting your own interests forward.
• Exhibit adaptability which includes the ability to see things from another persons point of view. Move to where the other person is and see things from their perspective.

This last point in particular is critical. If you were to do nothing else other than trying to see things from the other persons perspective, your ability to connect would increase markedly. All too frequently, people see the job of a communicator as being to convey massive amounts of information to other people. A better way is to think of communication as a journey. The more you have in common with the listener, the better the chances become the other person will choose to take that journey with your help and guidance. Finding common ground opens the floodgates.

When Im getting ready to reason with a man, I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself and what I am going to say and two thirds thinking about him and what he is going to say.

Abraham Lincoln

My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions.

Peter Drucker, the father of modern management

Im curious about everything. I often ask my favorite question, Why? On my television show, I probably use this word more than any other. Its the greatest question ever asked, and it always will be. And it is certainly the surest way of keeping a conversation lively and interesting.

Larry King, broadcaster and television host

All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope. Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all.