Michaelene Mundy - Sad Isnt Bad: A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss

Written by
Michaelene Mundy

Illustrated by
R. W. Alley

Abbey Press

All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

Text copyright 1998 by Michaelene Mundy

Illustrations copyright 1998 by St. Meinrad Archabbey

ISBN: 978-1-4976-8303-7

Abbey Press Publications
1 Hill Drive
St. Meinrad, Indiana 47577
www.abbeypress.com

Distributed by Open Road Distribution
345 Hudson Street
New York, NY 10014
www.openroadmedia.com

Dedicated to our children,
Michael, Emily, and Patrick,
whose wisdom and questions
have helped Mom and Dad
deal with the sadness of loss.

We dont have to be experts to help a grieving child copeour love and concern will go far. Even though this may be a childs first experience of death, as adults we have the benefit of having coped with past losses. This hard-won wisdom can help us to give a child the gift of good grief.

A grieving child needs to know that the world is still safe, life is good, and hurting hearts do mend. We can explain that grief and the feelings it evokes are normal responses to loss. We can reassure him that he is safe and much loved and will always be taken care of. We can encourage him to get the sadness out by sharing feelings and memories with trusted listeners. We can let him know that it takes time to get through grief, but there will come a time when it wont hurt so much.

Depending on a childs age, she may not understand the finality of death. A younger child may think she somehow caused the death by bad behavior, or can undo it by good behavior. She may feel that if she wishes or prays really hard, she can miraculously restore the loved one to life.

We must also realize that a grieving child needs to talknot just be talked to. Listening to and helping a child verbalize fears and doubts at this time is of critical importance. Without this, her natural tendency can be to magnify fears and replace reality with fantasy.

A child may find release for the new and scary feelings of grief by acting out, by regressing, or by being especially irritable. These behaviors, though worrisome to caring adults, are normal.

As a child processes the death, she begins to realize that life has middle groundthat events are not always black or white; feelings are not always happy, not always sad. Life can be okay again, in spite of lossand even better than okay.

May this book help us help children to grieve and grow in healthy ways. May it help us help children to be childrenand to be well.

Michaelene Mundy

W hen someone you care about dies, its very sad. There will be tears, but tears can be good. Sad isnt bad.

Y ou might feel like you are too big to cry. Youre not. You might even notice yourself crying at things that didnt use to bother youa shoe that wont tie, a toy that breaks, homework that seems too hard.

T alk to someone you trust about these feelings. Tell yourself its okay to cry when youre sad. You have a good reason.

Y our mom or dad may seem too busy to talk to youbecause of getting things ready for the funeral. But they still love you. Find another caring adult or older brother or sister you can talk to.

T he funeral home is a place to say good-bye to the person who has diedand to be with people who care about you. Join in the talking and the remembering, the tears and the laughter.

Y ou may be curious about things like the casket, or the body, or what will happen at the cemetery. Ask someone to explain the things you wonder or worry about.

Y ou may think that you somehow caused your loved one to get sick or have the accident or die. If you feel this way, tell a grown-up about it. The two of you can talk about how it wasnt your fault.

I ts normal to feel bad about some time when you may have hurt or made your loved one mad. But remember that he or she forgives you and God forgives you, too. Forgive yourself.

W hen you lose someone close, you might feel sad, mad, scared, or lonely. If you try to hold these feelings inside, it can make you feel even worse. Talk about how you are feeling right now with someone who cares about you.

S ometimes people get stomachaches or headaches when theyre really sad. After all, you feel sad all overin your mind and your body. Tell a grown-up if this happens to you.

W hen youre alone, you may think more about what upsets you. You might have trouble going to sleep at night. Read a favorite story or ask someone to snuggle in and read to you.

M any people think about death as a birththe birth of a new spirit. Just as a caterpillar changes into a beautiful butterfly, your loved one is free and happy and beautiful now, too.

B ut you may wonder where your loved one is. Many people believe that when someone dies, his or her spirit goes to be with God in heaven. What do you believe?

M ost people believe that we will be together with our loved ones and God after our lives here on earth. What do you think it will be like to be with your loved one again?

E ven though someone you loved has died, this does not mean that you will be left all alone. There will always be people to take care of you.

Y ou might feel scared that you or someone else you love will die, too. Most people live a long life. Talk with a parent or another grown-up about ways that you stay healthy and safe.

R emember that being sick usually does not mean someone will die. A doctor can cure most sicknesses or injuries, or they will heal on their own with rest and medicine.

E ven though you really miss the person who is gone, you can still have happy times with the people around you who love you.