Mike McKinney - All or Nothing: Bringing balance to the achievement-oriented personality

ALL

or Nothing

Bringing balance to the

achievement-oriented

personality

MIKE McKINNEY

To one of the best psychologists I have ever worked with
and who also happens to be my wife. Thanks for all the
unquestioning support with this project. Also, much
appreciation and admiration to my two teenage sons for their
discussions around the dinner table. Your understanding of
human nature is way beyond your years.

Contents

Introduction

There are many arenas where dedication and focus are central to distinguishing oneself, of which the corporate world, competitive sport and the performing arts are prime examples.

Undoubtedly a degree of single-mindedness comes in handy in these and other environments, and will help you become competitive and therefore, hopefully, successful. But what if that same drive and determination excludes so much more of life? What if you have to sacrifice your relationships or your wellbeing in pursuit of your career goals?

All or Nothing is for people who are goal-directed (some may say in the extreme) and use all their focus and energy to complete tasks, despite any unintended personal costs and consequences. However, this book does not assume that trying hard and having goals is wrong. There is no doubt that pushing oneself is a prerequisite for attaining high levels in the competitive business world. This is readily acknowledged by the author and there is no vested interest here to promote the everyones a winner thesis. Nor am I trying to suggest that people should not chase their dreams or continue to aim high. All or Nothing will help you make positive choices choices based on information and understanding rather than habitual responses. It is about (and for) individuals who have a strong drive to achieve and regularly push themselves, perhaps beyond their tolerance levels. It is this determination that is at once the greatest strength of such people, yet also potentially their greatest vulnerability.

This book provides real-world understanding of the all or nothing, or A/N, personality-style that can be encountered in all areas of life. This approach to life is an expression of a series of personality characteristics common to many high achievers but also people who push themselves to meet their goals in a wide range of domains and careers. This way of interacting with the world usually encompasses a high degree of determination, persistence and focus on goals. Additionally, this can be to the exclusion of everything else, which is a key aspect of the all or nothing way of life. Such an approach to life can be positive and can reinforce the idea that the more you put into a task, the sooner you get the rewards from your efforts. However, a little like a hamster on its wheel, once onto this way of behaving, an A/N individual can find it hard to stop.

The A/N personality-style is particularly prevalent within the business world.

CASE STUDY

Matthew (not his real name) was the CEO of a large institution. For many years he had provided direction, support and leadership to the organization as a whole and also to the staff who worked for him. He approached the role with an attention to detail that was second to none and he prioritized the needs of the organization above all else. However, alongside this was a strong perfectionistic drive. This meant that things did not get signed off or leave the building until they were first rate and entirely completed! Matthew came to me as he had experienced some significant challenges with his mood, to the point that he ended up resigning from his position. This man of intellect and significant experience was at a loss to understand (let alone explain) how he had come to this point was he not the one who fixed things for others and successfully juggled a multitude of issues and events?

It wasnt until we began exploring some of the build-up to this situation, along with the day-to-day pressures of his role, that Matthew came to see that he had experienced what the business world might call burn-out. This very capable, thoughtful and driven individual had forgotten to take care of himself while putting out corporate fires left, right and centre. It soon became clear that a lot had been sacrificed outside the work environment. In essence, and without realizing it, this dedicated man had become so focused on his role that he had pushed himself physically and mentally beyond his limits. Matthews internal drivers, dedication to the job and readiness to meet all challenges had taken a toll that was both professional and personal. He had paid a high price but also came to realize that, with a little help, all was not lost and that he could reconfigure his sense of self, rebuild aspects of important relationships plus explore ways to return to employment in a manner that was perhaps more sustainable. After Matthew left his role, a review was conducted to ensure that the high levels of performance could be maintained within the organization; he was subsequently replaced with 2.5 people!

The drive to produce this book came from my practice as a clinical psychologist. One of the things psychologists are taught is to look for patterns, reflect upon how they might have come about and then identify whether they are helpful to the individual or not. In my career of over twenty years, I have worked with people from a wide range of backgrounds and I have seen many behaviours some helpful and some downright destructive. I have been struck, though, by clients who (as either their presenting problem or one attached to their presenting problem) have demonstrated a remarkably consistent pattern of A/N behaviours. These behaviours have, on the one hand, helped the person achieve in their chosen direction in life but also may have (paradoxically) restricted or even prevented them from achieving to their full potential. Often, it was not until too late that the person realized such a focused approach may have cost them the very thing/s they were striving towards: their career, appropriate recognition and, sometimes, their family life.

NOT A DIFFERENT SPECIES

People exhibiting A/N personality traits come from both genders and are of all ages, backgrounds and roles in life. Although A/N individuals often get labelled as such by peers and family members, it is important to realize they do not have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). This is a psychiatric diagnosis, and it seems to be the strong drive to complete tasks/goals that leads other people to label A/N individuals as obsessive. Rather than this essentially medical definition, I prefer to use the term personality-style, which captures the fact the A/N behaviours are an integral part of the person and are expressed within their usual world events. I do not suggest A/N people are riddled with pathological behaviours, nor are they held captive by a dysfunctional personality. However, such people are indeed driven and this can take them to a place where they sometimes lose perspective and balance in their pursuit of attainment, completion and perfection.

A/N people are not just at the higher levels of business, sport and artistic fields. They can also be weekend warriors who tirelessly strive and become totally immersed in their training for events such as triathlons and marathons. The common theme is passion, underscored by a strong focus and desire to excel or transcend. However, this can also mean a single-mindedness regarding the goal, which can result in other (previously important) tasks and roles struggling to find time within the busy schedule.

The book will outline how an A/N personality-style and approach presents itself and the problems that can potentially result case studies will be used to shed further light on how aspects of this personality-style affect a persons life. This will help you identify if, and to what extent, you experience, live with and exhibit the relevant traits. While the book will present some theoretical approaches from the world of psychology, these are presented in a manner that allows them to be easily digested and, more importantly, related to. Of course, just describing an issue is of little value in itself; on its own, awareness is simply a recipe for frustration. Therefore, throughout the book, suggestions on things to be aware of will be complemented by actions you can take to bring about some level of change.