Lisa Parks Silks - A Food Junkies Guide to Recovery: Overcoming a Lifetime of Emotional Eating

A FOOD JUNKIES
Guide to Recovery

OVERCOMING A LIFETIME OF EMOTIONAL EATING

Lisa Parks Silks

iUniverse LLC

Bloomington

Overcoming a Lifetime of Emotional Eating

Copyright 2013 Lisa Parks Silks.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-0621-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-0623-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-0622-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013915968

iUniverse rev. date: 9/18/2013

Contents

This book is dedicated to my daughter, Jess, the love of my life.

My love and gratitude to those who made this book possible, whether they know it or not:

God, my savior and constant companion. My heart overflows with gratitude.

Jessica Silks, my daughter, for smart advice and invaluable support and for always loving me to peisus.

Linda Adams, my sister and best friend, for encouraging me to go deeper. I couldnt have done this without you, Lin!

Frances Lombardo, my aunt and godmother, for a lifetime of loving care.

Sister Joan Reilly, my counselor and friend, for the most precious conversations of my life.

Debbie Locke, a dear family friend, the angel who led me back to Sister Joan.

Anne Nickerson, my treasured friend, for sage advice and wholehearted encouragement.

Dr. Angelee Carta, my physician, for her generosity and loving care when I was unemployed, uninsured, and deeply depressed.

Dr. Jeffrey L. Cohen, my former work partner, for his integrity and generosity.

Joyce Rupp, writer and speaker, for poetry that speaks the language of my soul.

Ellen DeGeneres, talk show host/comic/author/spreader of joy and good cheer, for making me laugh and dance when times were really hard.

Joel Osteen, author and pastor of Lakewood Church in Texas, for books that lifted me up when I was down and out. Your words continue to inspire and strengthen my faith every day.

Oprah Winfrey, media royalty and philanthropist, for lighting the way for others with her own spiritual evolution.

Neighbors on my walking routes who offer a friendly greeting, especially Kristy Stone at the far end of my full route, for her friendship and encouragement.

The morning crews at my favorite haunts while I was writing:

The Cosmic Omelet (Manchester, CT), especially Tiffany and Justin, for treating me like a VIP.

Mitchells Restaurant (Vernon, CT), especially Kate and Tori, for making me feel like family.

Shady Glen (Parkade-Manchester, CT), especially Lana, for her kindness and encouragement.

The iUniverse team, for their expertise, exceptional responsiveness, and friendliness.

My entire family, living and passed, for loving me at any and every size.

In the small cupboard over the refrigerator, I discovered two boxes of candy tucked behind a sack of flour. My little eyes widened as I saw that each box held at least fifty cubed pieces, each about the size of my thumbnail, individually wrapped in clear cellophane. Some looked like dark chocolate, some like caramel.

I jumped down off the kitchen chair and stepped over to the window above the sink. I pulled back the curtain and peered out like a spy in a 007 movie, as if an enemy secret agent might be hiding in the lilac bushes. Assured that there were no cars in the drivewayand thus no grown-ups in the houseI climbed back up on the chair and nabbed two pieces of candy, which I stuck in my pocket, along with a tag from the candy maker. After carefully replacing the chair under the kitchen table in precisely its original position, I skulked to my room like a criminal.

Even though I was certain no one else was home, I closed and locked my bedroom door before pulling the treats from my pocket. Making as little noise as possible, I meticulously peeled away the cellophane from the first morsel and popped it into my mouth. It was indeed caramel-flavored, with a consistency similar to fudge, and quite yummy. After quickly downing the first, I did the same with the darker chocolate, this time noticing an odd aftertaste beginning to bubble up in my saliva. As I ate, I read the tag: These chewable dietary supplements are intended to suppress the appetite when eaten thirty minutes prior to each meal. Oh, jeez! These were for my mothers latest diet!

They were surprisingly tasty for diet food. Just like the real thing, except for that aftertaste. As far as I could tell, they didnt affect my appetite one bit. I stole two more the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. With so many spilling out of each box, I doubted my mother would notice a few missing. If she did, she never let on. I dont remember whether I confessed, but I doubt it.

I was about eight years old when I ate those diet supplements like candy. Im fifty-six now and have only just begun to understand my relationship with food.

Hi, my name is Lisa, and I am an addict. Food is my drug of choice, the substance with which I self-medicate. Mine is an emotional addiction that has plagued me since I was a child. If my relationship with food were a scripted drama, it would be easy to act out. With every emotional scene, the parenthetical stage direction would look like this: [ Stuffs face with food ].

Character is stressed she eats. [ Stuffs face with food ]

Character is sad she eats. [ Stuffs face with food ]

Character is angry she eats. [ Stuffs face with food ]

Character is {every other emotion possible} she eats

You get the picture.

The specific foods I use to salve my wounds may change from scene to scene, but the fact remains: I eat my feelings. This unhealthy way of coping has led to years upon years of emotional eating and, ultimately, a food addiction.

I will likely open myself up to criticism for speaking of food addiction as fact. It is a controversial, highly complex topic that seems only recently to have drawn enough attention to compel the research needed to support or disprove it. Though the jury is a long way from a verdict, there are many, like me, who believe that some brains are wired for food addiction. While healthy people consciously overindulge once in a while, a food addict does so incessantly, without deliberate thought. Its hard to resist our cravings, and harder still to stop eating foods we love. Research may someday prove that certain foods raise levels of dopamine (the pleasure chemical) in some brains to excess, creating intense feelings of pleasure associated with those foods, motivating continued eatingeven when one is full. We yearn to re-create the feelings of pleasure that food has provided. Thats the crux of the problem.