Jo Bloggs - Confessions of a (Struggling) Actress

Confessions Of A

(Struggling) Actress

Jo Bloggs

Big Finish

First published in September 2012

by Big Finish Productions Ltd,

PO Box 1127, Maidenhead, SL6 3LW

www.bigfinish.com

Managing Editor: Jason Haigh-Ellery

Editor: Xanna Eve Chown

With thanks to Matthew Griffiths

Cover art and illustrations Andy Peters

Copyright Jo Bloggs 2012

All rights reserved. The moral right of the author has been asserted.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any forms by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information retrieval system, without prior permission, in writing, from the publisher. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publishers prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

The views of the author are not necessarily those of the publisher.

All names have been changed throughout.

p60 Lyrics from I Want It Now / Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Bricusse, Newley)

p99 Lyrics from Were In The Money / 42nd Street (Warren, Dubin)

p127 Lyrics from If They Could See Me Now / Sweet Charity (Simon, Coleman, Fields)

p223 Lyrics from Im Still Here / Follies (Sondheim)

This work was published online as a blog on www.britishtheatre.com

For all of the fellow strugglers, striving for their own spotlight.

And for my parents, who continue to astound me with their unwavering support.

Is it hard, being on stage?

Actual answer:

Of course, yes, it can be. When Im in the midst of a big song and dance number and the house is full, Im aware I want to give the best performance I canso I really try to give it 100%. Doing that eight times a week is enough to stave off any gym session! Its also hard when youre ill, not in the mood or when youre exhausted. But you know what they say The show must go on!

Honest answer:

Being on the stage is great. Its life off the stage thats the challenging part.

Curtain Up / Who Am I?

I see it coming a mile away

What do you do?

Iman actress.

I dont know why, but Ive always loathed admitting to strangers that Im an actress. Probably because, most of the time, Im not actually acting. I suppose that to admit youre an actress without that essential acting job, to people who dont understand the highs and lows of the profession, causes moderate confusion on their part. Not to mention severe embarrassment on mine. Parents dinner parties, family weddings, in fact any social event away from the industry, all lend themselves to a wearisome array of questions to do with my seemingly alien profession. I find myself answering the same questions, feigning the same excitement about my chosen path and faking the same wonderment at the glory of acting. And yet, the questions I ask myself are very different from the ones on other peoples minds. They may want to know if I have any famous friends, or if Ive been in Casualty, but mine usually consist of at least one, or more likely a combination, of the below:

* How on earth did I end up not being in control of my own destiny?

* How did I end up earning a daily wageyet for most of the time in a different profession from the one I trained for?

* How did I end up doing a hundred different part-time jobs that dont give me any fulfilment at all?

* When did I make the decision to make my life as difficult as possible?

* When did I decide on the rollercoaster, not the merry-go-round?

* How did I end up sitting here at my desk trying to file away my day into a cabinet bursting with crappy auditions?

* One simple question to sum up all others: How did I end up here?

Ive always tried to be an achiever. Ive always tried to reach for the top, strained for that top, and put way too much pressure on myself to get there. But, in the throes of my life at university I never envisaged I would end up in a career rife with struggle, disappointment or frustration. I never did, because you dont know about it until you arrive, enthusiastically knocking on that door behind which lies all of your ambitions. No-one tells you that the door is not only tough to open but that, once youve made it through, the room on the other side is not only overcrowded. Its literally bursting with fellow competitors.

From this endlessly tiring profession, as I put myself through endless auditions, there are questions and evaluations that never end.

* How did I do?

* Will I get a recall?

* Will I get the part?

* What did they think?

* Was I good enough?

* Should I have picked a different song?

Out of all of these questions, one stands out:

* Why do I feel like the only way Im ever going to achieve what I really want in this business, is to sneak in through the fire exit that someone left open by mistake? In other words, why dont I feel worthy of entering through the big front gates of success?

Who am I?

You may have walked past me at 22, graduating from drama school full of hope and anticipation, excited at the possibilities for my future. At 23, you could have seen me gasping for fresh air as I left Pineapple Dance Studios, wondering why my technique was no better after weeks and weeks of classes. At the ripe old age of 24, you possibly passed me en route to an audition with my portfolio, water and a bag full of nerves.

You may well have spoken to me at 25, if you were booking theatre tickets. I was spending more time at my part-time job than acting, and wondering whether I was ever going to smell the sweet scent of success again. And at 26, if youd asked me, I could have told you about the never-ending battle between my head and my heart, as I wondered what my next step in this world should be.

*

I got into acting pretty late. Ballet at three years old, jazz at five, singing lessons at seven, competitions at eight, awards at ten That was not me.

I was fourteen when I was bitten by the bug, after winning a role in the school production of The Little Matchgirl . I only auditioned because my friend Lucie didnt want to go alone. I stood up and sang along with the other hopefuls and didnt think much of ituntil my name appeared on the school noticeboard for a recall. Then, I learned that script as if my life depended on it and, when I got a part, truly gave it my all. The morning after the first performance, still on a high from the night before, I floated down the school corridor as Miss Barker emerged from the staffroom. She stopped me and said Congratulations on last night, Jo. You know, you have real stage presence. Well done. Compliments indeed. Miss Barker was the Head of Music and one of the most senior, well thought of teachers in the school. My life was never the same. I suddenly wanted to have that feeling with me always. The feeling of acknowledgement, of achievement and of fulfilment.

If only Miss Barker knew the impact that one sentence has had on my life.

*

I dont know what Im doing with my life. I just know I love performing. And Im good at it. I know I need to be patient, but why isnt it happening for me?

Amy

*

What are you in at the moment?

Actual answer:

Im not actually in a contract right now but Ive got a few irons in the fire. Im working on a concert and Im down to the finals for a big job, so fingers crossed. I should know next week.