Angela Schmidt Fishbaugh - Angelas Decision: Outsmarting My Cancer Genes and Determining My Fate

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Copyright 2015 by Angela Schmidt Fishbaugh

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Fishbaugh, Angela Schmidt.

Angelas decision: outsmarting my cancer genes and determining my fate/Angela Schmidt Fishbaugh.

pages cm

ISBN 978-1-63220-473-8 (hardback)ISBN 978-1-63220-740-1 (ebook) 1. Fishbaugh, Angela SchmidtHealth. 2. BreastCancerGenetic aspects. 3. OvariesCancerGenetic aspects. 4. BreastCancerPrevention. 5. OvariesCancerPrevention. 6. BreastCancerPatientsUnited StatesBiography. 7. OvariesCancerPatientsUnited StatesBiography. 8. BRCA genes. I. Title.

RC280.B8F563 2015

616.99449042dc23

2014039509

Cover design by David Sankey

Print ISBN: 978-1-63220-473-8

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-63220-740-1

Printed in the United States of America

Dedication

This book is dedicated to you, the reader.

I have felt your loss and now your joy. Together we heal!

With love to all my family and friends!

Note to the Reader:

I have changed many of the names in this book, including all of the health care workersthose professionals that offered me their opinions, performed medical tests, and the doctors that did my surgeries. These names have been changed for obvious reasons.

I have also changed the names of some of the people who came into my life for a short time and were, for the most part, my tolerance testers. All tolerance testers have made me a stronger person and, as you will discover, my inner dialogue speaks frankly about these issues. But truthfulness sometimes doesnt paint the prettiest picture, so these names have been changed as well.

I hope you always speak your truth!

Contents

Introduction

I am positive for BRCA1 , a gene that gives me over an eighty percent chance of getting breast cancer and over a forty percent chance of getting ovarian cancer in my lifetime. I am now what is called a previvor, which means Ive never had cancer; however, I still have the genetic traits which increase my chances of getting cancer. I am a previvor because I opted to have two preventative operations, and as is the case with any major operation, there were ramifications. But, thanks to my decision to have these operations, I now have reduced my chances of ever getting cancer by ninety percent. This book takes you on that journeyfrom deciding to get genetically tested (because five of my closest relatives died of cancer at a very young age) to the decisions made during that difficult period of my life.

I originally wanted to write this book to help women understand genetic testing and proactive surgeries. Now that the book is finished, I realize that it does so much more than that. It is here to take you on a journey; not just my journey, but one that is yours as well. Anyone who has ever witnessed a loved one fight cancer knows all too well about that powerful journey you go through together. Although each journey is unique and poignant, our stories intertwine with parallels of courage, quiet tears, and touching moments.

The journey is also about growing as a person. Within these pages, you will uncover deep feelings of losswhether it is the loss of a loved one or the ability to do what you were once able to doand joy, like that of being a mother, a daughter, and the best person you can be while alive on this earth. It is through the discovery of these feelings that we are able to move more freely in life.

So this book is for you. Heres to our journey together. I am certain you will cry and laugh and sing and hopefully paddle (youll understand what this means later), and more importantly, I hope you always make the decision to live your best life!

Blessings and Love,

Angela

_____________________

. The term previvor was coined in 2000 by Facing Our Risk of Cancer Empowered. Previvors are those individuals who have a predisposition to cancer and take action to reduce the possibility of its occurrence. More information can be found in the resources section.

A Moment inside My Journey

by Angela Schmidt Fishbaugh

December 30, 2009

Phone ringing

Need testing

More investigating

Gripping, holding, waiting

Results shocking

Anger crying

No reassuring

Questioning, denying, weeping

Facts researching

Life missing

Graciously deciding

Recognizing, preventing, accepting

Information sharing

People loving

Procedures approaching

Trusting, hoping, fearing

Through awakening

Painful hurting

Emotional wounding

Suffering, feeling, sensing

Thoughtfulness pouring

Kindheartedness filling

Gifts overwhelming

Sighing, receiving, healing

Again Preparing

Reject wondering

Appreciate knowing

Understanding, valuing, loving

a moment inside my journey

Preface

The Pensive Hours before Surgery

December 3, 2009

Lying in my tub, I try to keep my upper body from being submerged in the water. By my doctors orders, my breasts are not allowed under the water. There are purple circles around each nipple that stretch lengthwise and outward, making my small breasts look like someone has drawn large, purple eyes on them. Water-resistant skin tape covers them, creating an unsightly wrinkled look. I look at my taped breasts and begin to cry. Its 4:00 a.m., and my breasts will be removed this morning.

I wont be attached to you. I need to be attached to life, I say to myself. I have made the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy, and I will have a total hysterectomy eight weeks from now. I have made this decision not because I have cancer but because I have tested positive for a rare cancer gene, called BRCA1 . All four doctors within a hundred-mile radius of my home, from whom I have recently received opinions, have given me the same heartrending diagnosis, and each affirms that the longer I wait to do anything about it, the more likely it will be that cancer comes knocking on my door.

The nickname in the medical community for my Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer syndrome (HBOC) is Early Onset, and because I am forty-one years old, early onset is yesterday or a few minutes from now. The most alarming statistic is that my precious, innocent childrenmy beautiful and lively eight-year-old daughter and handsome and vibrant eighteen-year-old sonhave a fifty percent chance of carrying the mutated gene as well. I have made the decision not to think about this latter fact, and I have made the decision to be attached to life.