Michael Ogden - 2Do Before I Die: The Do-It-Yourself Guide to the Rest of Your Life

Copyright 2005 by Michael Ogden & Chris Day

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First eBook Edition: June 2009

ISBN: 978-0-316-07666-1

For Victoria and Vicki

Everything is unique, nothing happens more than once in a lifetime. The physical pleasure which a certain woman gave you at a certain moment, the exquisite dish which you ate on a certain day you will never meet either again. Nothing is repeated, and everything is unparalleled.

The Goncourt Brothers

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.

Colette

D riving back to San Francisco after seeing our grandfather for the very last time, my younger sister and I found there was a lot to talk about. Grumps, as we called him, was 91 and he knew we all did that his time was running out. And for once, Grumps, the inveterate storyteller, never prone to sentimentality, tried to set the record straight. He spent two hours sharing the highlights, as he saw them, of his life.

A self-proclaimed workaholic, to our surprise he spent only about two minutes discussing his career. For most of that afternoon he spoke of people who had played an important role in his life and of particular moments that had brought him some peace, a laugh, an insight.

He told us of his immigrant parents; of his early days as a writer; and of his first love, whose parents had refused their engagement. He mentioned an award he won for a play he wrote in his 20s, the pride he had in his own sons talents, a trip to China he had undertaken in his 70s, and his deep regret that he wrote less and less with the passing of time. Lots of little events, things he might have spent a single afternoon on fifty years earlier, somehow found their way into his thoughts during these last days.

I hadnt heard half the stories. It made me wonder what I would remember when I was in his place. Would the last couple of years even get a mention?

As we headed home and our old car ate up the miles, my sister (24) and I (30) realized that this was the first trip we had taken together since our parents recent divorce. Grumpss perspective on life had sparked off a thousand thoughts in Margaret and me and we soon began swapping stories of our own.

Just out of college, Margaret was struggling to balance paying her bills with trying to figure out how best to move forward. She confessed that over a bottle of wine with her good friend Erika she had recently written down a list of things she wanted to do before she died.

To her everlasting credit, Margaret shared her list with me, and her imaginative and honest choices served to wake me up to some ideas worth considering. Go ahead, take a look, she said. Its in the glove compartment.

Scanning her handwritten sheet of goals, I could see reflected in her choices parts of my sister that I knew well, plus a number of surprises. Ranging from the serious to the scandalous, Margarets list of ambitions, desires, and curiosities was as good a self-portrait as any Id seen. More than that, you could see that in the process of writing it, she had uncovered some unexpected possibilities.

T he next day, I sat down over a coffee with a blank sheet of paper. Without thinking about it too much to start with, I wrote the first thing that came to mind photograph the Northern Lights. As I wrote it, almost to my surprise, I realized that it was something I genuinely wanted to do.Over the next few days, as I continued to write my own list, I not only remembered a number of ambitions I had forgotten but also discovered several new things I hoped to do some of them on my own, others along with friends and family.

When I got stuck for ideas, I was reminded of Grumpss life story and the many small things he had remembered. I found I took as much pleasure in writing simple plans for the future such as build a bookcase for my kids and own a dog as I did in the more ambitious stuff. On my list, too, were things that I knew would be there: things I had always wanted to try but had talked myself out of doing.

Of course, I didnt run out and do them all that day, but seeing those goals naked on the page, next to all the other ideas, somehow made them less imposing. Placing them in a context I hadnt really given much thought to before that life doesnt go on forever made my reasons not to at least explore them suddenly seem less persuasive.

I wrote down 76 goals over those next few days.For the first time in months, I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and that simple fact filled me with the enthusiasm I needed to begin pursuing some long-held ambitions. Armed with this list of mine, I began to see time as something to work with, not fight against.

L ike most things, 2DO Before I Die started small. Over beers a couple of months later, my friend Chris and I got talking about the list I had made. Chris had his own take, and out of our conversation this project began to take shape. We were curious to get a sense of what other people felt was genuinely memorable and are grateful that so many chose to share their stories.

This book is not an attempt to provide a definitive list of things to do. Its aim is really just to stir up the possibilities, bounce around some ideas, and explore both whats important and whats possible. The hope is that through the questions, suggestions, and true stories that follow, youll want to join that conversation as well.

M.O.

Looking back on your life so far, what experiences stand out as the most memorable?

In your own scrapbook of events, people, and places, what stories come to mind? Who plays a part? What moments have stayed with you?

Does your mind cast back to the very beginning, recalling those early years of discovery, or do you skip decades ahead and settle on a particular afternoon that made a difference? Maybe youre most proud of the work youve done, the people youve helped, or the times you spent with your friends and family. Or it might be those mad ambitions you felt compelled to chase even when common sense said you should just stay put.

The memories will likely be a combination of all those elements, along with many more. Some things you think of may even be events that seemed insignificant at the time, but now come sharply into focus. Other experiences, maybe more rare, might remain with you until your dying day; moments you felt absolutely switched on and engaged, where you couldnt imagine being anywhere else in the world.

On reflection, you might recognize missed opportunities more clearly a phone call you never made, a trip you didnt take, a friend you lost touch with, an idea you never saw through things you really would like to have acted on if only you could have found the time.