Anna Blake - Relaxed & Forward: Relationship Advice from Your Horse

Relaxed and Forward

Relationship Advice from Your Horse.

Anna Blake

Relaxed and Forward copyright 2015 Anna Blake

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

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Author photo by Sheri Kerley
Cover photo by Anna Blake
Cover design and formatting by JD Smith

Published by Prairie Moon Press

All enquiries to

First published 2015

ISBN: 978-0-9964912-2-8

For my Ghost Herd:

They are as visible as earth and sky, as stark as night and day, and as real as skin and bone. I dont remember my grade school teachers, but I remember the horses who were in the pasture. I knew we were friends because when we walked together, they were careful to keep their heads very low, just level with mine, so we could hear each other. They taught me how it works: You have to let your heart be soft. You have to let your love be just an inch bigger than your fear.

Contents

Not More Riding Lessons

How long do you think you will have to take lessons? Twenty years ago and I can still hear that tone in my mother's voice. She wondered why her adult daughterafter a life of ridingwould need lessons. How hard could it be? I forced a smile as I checked my heart for knife wounds, and reminded her that Olympic riders all had coaches. Mom gave me an eye roll.

Does someone give you that eye roll? Sometimes its easier to get defensive than try to explain hundreds of lessons in a lifetime of riding. Each horse and each rider are individuals, forming a unique pairand the conversation begins. Trust is offered shyly at first, maybe the horse responds well to ground work and a connection is established. Then we mount up, trusting them to hold us safe, as they trust us to choose a safe path.

At some point, it gets more complicated; someone gets scared, frustrated, or intimidated by the naked honesty a horse and rider display. There's a hesitation; and in that quiet moment, a sensitive rider understands that they have come up short in some area. In that same moment, they become aware that the horse has held faith in them. In some physical or emotional way, the horse has given them the benefit of the doubt and the hook is set.

It is humbling to have a horse hold the door open to a sacred place, and wait for you to enter. It makes you want to do better, to be deserving of the respect he has shown you.

So a rider might continue to take lessons, not from an inability to learn, but a desire to improve, fueled by respect for an equine partner. Riding is sometimes like interpretive dance, creative and spontaneous. Lessons can spark ideas and help translate our desire into direction. Growing pains arent comfortable for horses or riders. We can look like we need therapy for a dozen maladies, but our horses inspire us on toward some sacred, addictive place of oneness with them. And so we persist.

Press on. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. Calvin Coolidge

Whos Spookin Who?

It was time to take my proud and extremely green Arabian gelding out of the arena for the first time. We were wandering about the barnyard and I was confident in my negative thinkingcertain bad things were waiting to happen.

Then my gelding spooked big, staring at a spot on the ground in front of him. I tensed and leaned to see what had scared him. He kept staring and so did I. I asked him to move to the side so I could have a better view, and then in our new position he stared at a different place on the groundeven more nervously. Nothing was visibleno plastic bag, no snake, nothing but dirt.

Now I was hooked, what was he looking at? Eventually I saw it. There was something in his shadow that he hadnt seen before: me riding him!

This is where I am supposed to make fun of my young Arabian being afraid of his own shadow. Instead, lets make fun of me. I was afraid of something I couldnt even see until it dawned on me; then I was afraid of MY own shadow! How scary is that?

Arabians are great teachers of crisis management and we grew to be brave partners. The memory of the spook has lingered; it was a humbling moment. Its so easy to get caught up in our horses drama. When they need us to provide calm leadership the most, it seems human nature to tense up and look for the scary thing. We might as well all be preteen girls screeching at skeletons in a haunted house! BOO!

When we let the external confusion take precedence over our inner wisdom, we arent much help to anyone. Focus is a challenge but this is where riders could take a cue from moms. They frequently have a deal with it now and cry about it later sort of mentality that makes them valuable in a crisis. And since horses like to feel safe in the hands of a focused and confident leader (a good mom), it is an easy analogy.

Personally, I dont like being referred to as my horses momI know the mare and she deserves credit. Instead I would like moms and riders both referred to as Boss Mare. Its a title that comes with respect.

On Horse Movies: Velvet Brown Lied

Its the movie National Velvetand a twelve year old Elizabeth Taylor lied. The Man from Snowy River came a bit closer, but still fell short. Dont even start with me about The Horse Whisperer. These are beloved horse movies, watched by horse-crazy girls and boys of all ages. By definition, movies require a suspension of disbelief from the audience.

My point is that when the rider, Velvet (or whoever) leans forward and whispers into the horses ear, The Pi (or whoever), that part isnt real. Whispering into a horses ear isnt actually what wins the Grand National. Months of daily training are abbreviated into an ear whisper to move the story along. Even when riders know its consistency and commitment that move a horse along, most of us harbor a National Velvet fantasy well past midlife.

I love horse moviesas I rewind and replay, I get inspired. In real life, the race is never won in a few moments. Horses require riders to be so conscious physically and authentic emotionally that there can be no ego or deception. It takes work; the dream isnt free.

Sometimes Hollywood gets it right. My pick for best real-life horse movie is Seabiscuit. It isnt romanticparts are gritty and ugly. Jockey Red Pollard says, You know, everybody thinks we found this broken-down horse and fixed him. But we didnt. He fixed us; every one of us. And I guess in a way, we kinda fixed each other too. Still saccharine for sure, but I think thats how it works.

For professional riders or amateurs, in handicap riding programs or elite equestrian facilities, (and especially this week at our little farm) the experience is the same. Riders are mired deep in challenge and uncertainty, and sometimes out of their comfort zonebut pushing on. There are no miracle cures and no matter where we start, riders each seek their personal, Grand National version of oneness. Horses inspire that in riders and artists and just about everyone else.