Paula Mee - Your Middle Years – Love Them. Live Them. Own Them.: A Book for the Menopause and Beyond

YOUR

MiDDLE

YEARS

Love them. Live them.

Own them.

PAULA MEE AND KATE OBRIEN

GILL BOOKS

To all our Middle Years contemporaries
yes, growing old is inevitable, so lets make the most of it.
Heres to the rest, and best, of our lives.

Acknowledgements

This book would not have happened without the help of our friends and family. Thank you all. Although there are far too many to mention, we hugely appreciate your support.

A special thanks to our expert contributors Prannie Rhatigan, Emily Power Smith, Mari Kennedy, Sunita Passi, Dr Rosemary Coleman, Shabir Daya, Josephine Fairley and Jackie Ryder. Thanks also to Dr Christopher-James Harvey and Troy Sing for your expertise and patience.

Thanks to Krystyna Rawicz, Una Rees, Martina Maher, Finola Mee, Aisling Grimley, Dara Morgan and all our middle years friends and focus group participants for their honesty and support and for setting us on the right track. Lastly, thanks to the great team at Gill Books, especially Sarah Liddy, Ruth Mahony, Teresa Daly and Fiona Biggs, who were ever-present and helpful along the way.

CONTENTS

Introduction

Instead of concentrating on what not to eat, move. Do things you like. Feed your inner being and you wont crave food, because you have fed yourself with life, beauty, energy, enthusiasm. Go out and love your life. Your age means nothing.

Alessandra Ferri, ballerina and former principal dancer with the Royal Ballet

G rowing old is inevitable its how we deal with it that matters. For many women in our youth-obsessed western world, a few lines and fluctuations in hormonal levels denote the end of fertility, the end of life as we know it and the measured approach of old age and all that accompanies it.

Thankfully, attitudes are changing and women are no longer willing to be cast aside at the first signs of ageing. We know our bodies better than ever before. We are living longer and are proving that age is no barrier to a full, vibrant life. Whats more, given that scientists tell us we may actually live until we are well over 100, we have a lot of living to do. Its time to take control of our bodies and our lives and embrace the next act the possibilities are endless.

I see lots of women around me fighting into their 60s to remain who they were. For me, Ive decided Im not who I was, only older. This is me, but its also a new and different me. I have a grandchild, Joshua. Hes 10 months old now. I have great pleasure spending time with him and being removed one step from parenting, but still being important in his life and he in mine.

My hunger for sex has declined. Its a general interest now, not a hunger that needs to be satisfied.

Ive found new pleasures in the last few years writing and painting. Ive even attended a festival, Electric Picnic, invited by a group to read my poetry.

Some things are easier, some are harder. Ive started gardening. Thats useful in a hectic life with multiple day-to-day stresses and strains. You cant garden in a hurry. You cant be impatient or expect a plant to grow before its ready. I keep chickens. Some days I can potter for hours, losing myself in it. Other days, I still work like a dog, 12-hour days and no breaks. I find I can fly into a rage over the most minor of aggravations.

Krystana

Menopause and dry vaginas are topics that many women are still not comfortable discussing openly in these supposedly evolved times. While most of us will happily share intimate information with our closest friends, we are often too proud or too shy to admit how hormonal change is affecting us or maybe we are hoping that by ignoring its existence, it might all just go away! There are always fillers and numerous other high-tech therapies for our faces, but once our body clock signals oestrogens grand finale, change is imminent. In our parents generation, menopause was kept within tight lips and rarely, if ever, discussed. Back then, the choice was stark: age visibly or have a facelift. Today we have more control over how we age and science is now proving that with the right diet and lifestyle we can look, be and feel our very best.

Menopause is not a disease; it is a normal, natural event for women the world over. Many women suffer years of immeasurable pain and anguish because of the enormous changes taking place within their bodies during these years. Others suffer little. None of us, however, is fortunate enough to retain the face of our 30s. As we watch our faces slowly become maps of our colourful lives and notice the increasing depth and dimensions of our new-found creases, we know in our hearts that this is for real. Partner this with a declining libido, sleep disturbances and a host of emotional and physical changes and its hardly surprising that many women suffer greatly and quietly for many years.

Theres a lot to be said about getting older and its not all bad either. Ageing doesnt turn us into cranky old women unless we were cranky young women to begin with. In fact, research suggests that we become more emotionally settled and relaxed as we age. We mellow. That is after we have navigated our way through menopause.

Im feeling more relaxed now. This mostly spills into little things. The daily manicuring and preening takes much less time now. I frequently step out in comfy flats that I would have previously described as orthopaedic footwear. Dont get me wrong I still like my lipstick and heels and wont be giving them up any time soon.

We all go through it. We dont have a say; we just have to get ready and steer our way through armed with the soundest information to guide us into the rest and best of our lives.

Paula

How best to deal with this biological life transition has been the subject of numerous books, many written by medical experts and all undoubtedly with the best of intentions. Most, however, are so technical that even the most scientifically-minded reader is left bewildered and uninspired.

As every woman navigating the menopausal years will attest, the profound emotional turmoil taking place in her life can completely overwhelm. Few medical experts address this and when they do, they often prescribe anti-depressants. And while most women understand menopause to be a natural transition, many also question the prescription of hormone therapy at the first sign of fluctuating hormones.