Tracy McWilliams - Dress to Express: Seven Secrets to Overcoming Closet Trauma and Revealing Your Inner Beauty

New World Library
14 Pamaron Way
Novato, California 94949

Copyright 2004 by Tracy McWilliams

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Front cover design by Mary Ann Casler
Text design and typography by Mary Ann Casler

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
McWilliams, Tracy
Dress to express : seven secrets to overcoming closet trauma and revealing your inner beauty / Tracy McWilliams.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 1-57731-452-2 (trade pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Women's clothingPsychological aspects. 2. Women Psychology. 3. Self-esteem in women. 4. Body image in women. 5. Beauty, Personal. I. Title.

GT1720.M38 2004

First Printing, June 2004
ISBN 1-57731-452-2
Printed in Canada on partially recycled, acid-free paper
Distributed to the trade by Publishers Group West

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To Goldie,
an amazing woman who knew how to live
in her own power and because of this
touched the lives of so many.

W ith gratitude to all the people who made this book possible: my husband who provided me with the support and encouragement to continue on this creative path; my mother, Maxine, who has always been there for me with a kind word, an ear to bend, or advice on anything and whose style is all her own; my sister, Sandra, who has a keen sense of how things look together both she and my mother had the patience to listen to everything related to the book and have provided me with an endless source of friendship; my father, Richard, who has believed and taught me that anything is possible; my brother, Mark, who knew it would all work out; and Lester Boxer for his astute legal advice.

To Georgia Hughes, my editor, who has been a source of encouragement as she guided me through the process of giving birth to a book; her outstanding team included Kevin Bentley and Kristen Cashman. To each person at New World Library who believed in the value of this book and who has had a hand in making it a reality, many thanks.

To my friend Gity Hebel, the owner of Gity Joons, a unique authentic clothing store on Union Street in San Francisco, who has always believed in me and who has taught me so much about life, friendship, and the ability to create the life I want. To Dean Willis, whose encouragement through this creative process meant a lot. Many thanks to friends and family alike for believing in the power of I can, and blessings to all!

W omen love looking good. In our efforts to satisfy this need to look good we may use clothing, jewelry, makeup, hair products, and anything else that can improve our appearance. Many of us also derive satisfaction from inner growth: reading books, attending seminars, doing creative work, and increasing our knowledge and expanding our sense of self. We may not always connect these drives, but both are essential because they create hope for an ideal self.

Clothing and the contemplation of what to wear bring out all sorts of feelings and emotions in every one of us. Sometimes the process of trying to look good can be overwhelming. Knowing what to wear and buy to achieve that aim can leave us feeling like fashion wannabes, or hamsters on treadmills. Often, there is nothing logical or rational about a womans behavior when it comes to getting dressed or shopping for the right clothes. We just want to look good and feel good about ourselves.

Shopping can give us a kind of rush or high. Buying a new outfit or filling multiple bags with clothing items as we search through the department stores makes us feel good. After shopping, we cant wait to get home and pull our purchases out of the bags to see what we bought. The men in our lives, if there are any at the time, cant understand this process. We may even have to hide our purchases; some women have been known to leave their shopping bags in the car before safely stashing their new clothes in the closet. All of this just so we dont hear the standard male dialogue: Why did you buy that? If we do show them a new purchase, they may not be suitably impressed. But we know the right new clothing item can change our look and raise our spirits. Depending on our mood, or the way we feel about our body in the moment, clothes shopping can sometimes create anxiety about the way we look instead of the shopping rush we typically feel.

Why will women go to almost any lengths to look good? We care. We care what other people think of us, we care how we feel about ourselves, we care about making a positive impression for a job or a date or a night out and we care about fitting in or standing out. Sometimes we care too much about what other people think and then we forget to dress for who we are instead of who they are. Concern for our appearance is why we collectively spend billions of dollars annually trying to attain the right image and clothing look. If we have given our self-image some careful thought, shopping and dressing can be fun and with each new look we can create or connect to a new sense of self.

Shopping for many of us is like an outing to Disneyland. We cant wait to find the perfect, flattering piece of clothing, especially if we are shopping for a special event. Our closets are full of perfect purchases, so much so that many of us experience overwhelming anxiety when we stand in front of the closet trying to choose the right clothes to wear. This anxiety is what I call closet trauma. Not all of our purchases were perfect, many clothing items were bought on impulse, and some just never fit right. Not knowing what to wear to reflect the real you can result in feelings of closet trauma. These feelings are experienced by all of us, albeit to different degrees and at differing frequency; perhaps only once in a while by some women (not knowing what to wear for that special occasion) but all the time by others (unsure of what to wear every day). This crazy process can be all-consuming and emotionally draining. Not being able to find the right clothes to wear can make us feel bad about ourselves or our bodies. Not knowing what the right kinds of clothes are for us as individuals in the first place can make us feel worse. Deciding what to wear can turn a normal rational woman into a neurotic, self-critical mess. Linda tells us:

My husband can attest to my clothing craziness. We have to go out to dinner with some friends so I begin the process of getting dressed. No sooner have I opened my closet door than my heart begins to race and panic sets in. I have no idea what I am going to wear. Now my emotions are kicking in and the inner dialogue begins: The pants I just tried on make my butt look as if it needs its own zip code, so off they go. Maybe I should just wear a skirt and try to cover it up. What skirts do I have that I like? By this time the bedroom floor is covered with clothing rejects and to make matters worse, my husband walks back in. His mere presence shocks me into the reality of my clothing desperation.