Kim Johnson Gross - What to Wear for the Rest of Your Life: Ageless Secrets of Style

Copyright 2010 by Kim Johnson Gross

Illustrations by Alanna Cavanagh and Amy Redei

Author photo by George Lange

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Springboard Press

Hachette Book Group

237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017

Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

www.twitter.com/grandcentralpub

Springboard Press is an imprint of Grand Central Publishing. The Springboard Press name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

First eBook Edition: May 2010

ISBN: 978-0-446-55866-2

For my precious daughters Glenna and Carolyn who inspired me, each in her own way, to share my story.

For my Style and Life Mentor, my mother Evelyn Johnson.

For my dad, Glenn Johnson, who is keeping watch.

For Jeff who makes me laugh every day.

With love and gratitude.

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.

Stephen Covey

Why see a shrink? Youll feel much better if you spend the money on a new dress.

Evelyn Johnson, my mother

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something, but someone.

Coco Chanel

HOW SHOULD I LOOK?

Middle-aged women have a lot in common with kidsall of us are on the cusp of the unknown: enticing and scary.

Jane Pauley, Skywriting: A Life Out of the Blue

I woke up one morning and couldnt believe this was my life. I had turned fifty, sent my youngest daughter to college, closed my business, divorced, and none of my clothes fit. Not only had my life changed, but my body was changing, without my permission! I could no longer count on my clothes to get me through any occasion, special or not. They seemed to have shrunk overnight. Id look in the mirror and wonder How do I look?and suspect it wasnt the way I had long imagined. Was it really the way I appeared in photographsthe fuller face, weaker chin, and thicker middle, much like my dad? Was I growing into my genes while growing out of my jeans? I was confused, but my mother wasnt.

I didnt want to believe itmy ever-supportive mother disapproving of me? Her sunny demeanor froze as she looked me up and down while I was wearing the bikini my sister Jill had given me for my fiftieth birthday. Id like to think it was a gift my sister thought Id look good wearing, rather than a challenge or taunt. At forty-seven, Jill remained trim, while my body had gradually betrayed my genetics, most notably my dads flabby stomach.

But my mothers stinging assessment shocked me: You must lose weight and never wear a two-piece again! Granted she is a stylish and fit octogenarian, but Im no slouch. And although I have built a successful career as a style expert, I really couldnt see why she was so upset. Her rebuke reminded me of an afternoon when I was nineteen, lounging around my friend Bellas pool, sneaking surreptitious glances at her uncles new wife wearing a tiny bikini. Aunt Katje had a tanned leathered face and pillowy flesh swelled around her middle, making her look old and careless to me. Looking back, I suspect she was only in her forties. I was simultaneously repulsed and intrigued. Was that what my mother was feeling now?

Aunt Katje lived in France and Sweden with Bellas uncle, an architect. They were creative intellectuals who traveled the world. He designed buildings; she wrote about art and food. There was something strangely glamorous about Aunt Katjewas it the substantial gold hoop earrings she wore, along with the kicky mules and colorful sarong that she unwrapped to tan her practically naked body? Or that she seemed utterly comfortable in her skin? Acutely aware that I wasnt, I suspected that her allure had much to do with her self-confidence.

In the years since, I have acquired my own wrinkles and fleshy middle. I have also gained a certain amount of wisdom and confidence, and needed all of it that day to cope with my mothers piercing words. A mothers opinion has an impact. I longed for her guidance, not her consternation. It took writing this story, which first appeared in More Magazine, for me to understand that her reaction was primal: a mother wanting her divorced daughter to attract, remarry, be loved and taken care of by a man. Only then could she rest in peace. I have similar dreams, but if I were to constantly try to recapture a youthful appearance to get the man and not enjoy who I am at any age, what kind of relationship would that be between him and meand worse, between me and myself? One of high anxiety, I suspect.

Little did I know then that this incident was to be the start of many more closet challenges. I was entering a new phase in my life and was determined to make the very best of it. I had to rethink the way I had been dressing for the last thirty years. It was time for a fresh start.

wrapped

Aunt Katje might feel comfortable in a bikini, but for many of us, wearing a bathing suit challenges our body-confidence. That is, unless we treat it as a style opportunity by wearing it with an attractive cover-up, kicky sandals, a dramatic sun hat, and fun earrings.

Aunt Katjes Secret

Aunt Katje is European. Even in adolescence, my unworldly eyes suspected that was the mystery of her allure.

European women and men honor their lifetime of experiences and their physical manifestations. They enjoy the sensuality of everyday life, whether its sex, a ripe peach, or the feel of cashmere against their bodies. They respect the powerful connection between what they wear and how they feel. We, too, can adapt aspects of their approach to life to gain our own clothes-body-life-confidence.

DRESS FOR YOUR OWN PLEASURE.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN. A Paris-based research company polled three hundred European women and asked what they would take with them to Mars. The number one choice was moisturizer, ahead of husbands.

HAVE AN AWARENESS AND APPRECIATION OF THE EVERYDAY CHOICES YOU MAKE. The tea you choose to drink and the cup you drink it from; the sheets and pillow you nestle into at night; how you want to feel in the clothes you wear.

SENSUALIZE YOUR SENSES.

Touch. Wear fabrics that feel good against your skin. Cotton is as desirable as cashmere depending on thread count. The higher it is, the more luxurious it feels.

Sound. The click of heels, the romance of jazz, the jangle of bracelets, the joy of a laugh (laugh lines are sexier than no lines).

Taste. A kiss, the taste of ripe fruittake time to enjoy.

Scent. Freshly picked herbs, a breeze of salt water, the body of someone you love. Pheromones are a scent secreted to attract the opposite sex.

Sight. If it is aesthetically pleasing to your eye, enjoy. If not, keep experimenting.

WISDOM IS SEXY. Flirting is sexy. Lingerie is sexy. Sex is sexy. Mature women are sexy.

BEAUTY HAS NO EXPIRATION DATE.