Susan M. Pollak - Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring for Yourself

This book goes to the heart of what parents struggle withfeeling deficientand offers expert guidance in healing ourselves with self-compassion. Youll nod your head reading the stories, and will transform your relationship with your children by following the guided reflections and meditations. Parenting can be a more light, fun, wise, and loving pathDr. Pollak shows us how.

Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge

This should be a required self-care book for all parents! Dr. Pollak takes on the mighty job of parenting and the everyday struggles modern families face. She offers easy-to-implement exercises that are helping me to bring more kindness to myselfand my kids. The book is easy to read all at once or in smaller chunks. I appreciate Dr. Pollaks honesty and down-to-earth humor, especially at the end of a hard day.

Laura W., Cambridge, Massachusetts

How we wish wed had this book during the years of hands-on parenting! With infinite warmth, kindness, and 30+ years of experience, Dr. Pollak offers a wide range of playful, creative tools to help parents explore the inner and outer landscapes of raising children in wondrous new ways.

Trudy Goodman, PhD, mindfulness teacher, and Jack Kornfield, PhD, author of A Path with Heart

After reading this book, I find myself reacting differently to my childrens behavior. Instead of tension, there is connection and compassion. This book is a life changer!

Daniel F., Boston, Massachusetts

Ever feel inadequate raising your kids, like you cant quite get it right? Theres hope! Seamlessly weaving together insights from ancient wisdom traditions, modern psychological research, years of clinical practice, and vivid firsthand experience as a mother, Dr. Pollak has created a lucid, practical guide to parenting as sanely as is humanly possible. Filled with warmth, humor, kindness, and sage advice, this book provides time-tested practices anyone can use to have a richer, happier, more rewarding experience raising kidsand helping them to flourish.

Ronald D. Siegel, PsyD, author of The Mindfulness Solution

Reading this wonderful book is like talking with a warm and wise friend who happens to be a world-class parent educator and therapist. Applying the healing power of compassion to ourselves makes us better parents and partners, and happier along the way. Chock-full of practical tools, clear examples, and tremendous encouragement, this book offers real help for the most important job in the world: raising a family.

Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Resilient

Consider this book a gift to yourself and your family. There is well-earned wisdom and authenticity on each page. You will find yourself going back to this book throughout your entire life as a parent.

Christopher Willard, PsyD, author of Growing Up Mindful

FOR PROFESSIONALS

Sitting Together: Essential Skills for Mindfulness-Based Psychotherapy

Susan M. Pollak, Thomas Pedulla, and Ronald D. Siegel

Epub Edition ISBN: 9781462540198; Kindle Edition ISBN: 9781462540174

Copyright 2019 The Guilford Press

A Division of Guilford Publications, Inc.

370 Seventh Avenue, Suite 1200, New York, NY 10001

www.guilford.com

All rights reserved

The information in this volume is not intended as a substitute for consultation with healthcare professionals. Each individuals health concerns should be evaluated by a qualified professional.

No part of this book may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

Last digit is print number: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the publisher.

ISBN 978-1-4625-3309-1 (paperback) ISBN 978-1-4625-3953-6 (hardcover)

To Adam, Nathaniel, and Hillary, for the laughter, joy, and beauty you bring

Purchasers of this book can download audio files at for details).

As a parent, have you ever had the wish that a wise and compassionate person would show up at your doorstep just when you needed it the mostwhen your toddler has a meltdown, when your daughter gets bullied in high school, when you disagree with your partner about parenting, as holiday stress starts mounting, or when youre just plain overwhelmed? If so, this book is for you.

Dr. Susan Pollak has been a mother for over 30 years and has been practicing clinical psychology for even longer. She has been engaged in meditation practice for decades and is a leader in the integration of mindfulness and self-compassion into psychotherapy and daily life. Using compelling examples, Dr. Pollak makes it clear that she knows the challenges of parenthood from the inside out, and she gently leads readers into a new relationship with themselves and their familiesa relationship of loving, connected presence. Thats self-compassion.

When parents hear about self-compassion for the first time, theyre likely to say, Oh, I need that! Parents often find themselves at the edge of their capacity to be kind and compassionate to their loved ones, and they instinctively understand that they need to nourish themselves to have more to give to others. However, there are many obstacles to self-compassionto giving ourselves the same kindness and understanding that we so readily give to others. There are the misconceptions that self-compassion is a lot like self-pity, self-indulgence, selfishness, or that it will make us weak and unmotivated. Actually, burgeoning research shows precisely the oppositethat self-compassionate people behave more compassionately toward others, they take better care of themselves, theyre more emotionally resilient, they have greater perspective on their problems, and they are more motivated to achieve their goals. Other obstacles to self-compassion are personal, such as messages from the past that we should disregard ourselves and only pay attention to others, especially ones family, or that we just dont deserve to stop and nourish ourselves because there is so much that needs to be done.

The good news is that anyone can learn to be more self-compassionate. Kristin Neff, a research psychologist at the University of Texas, Austin, and I developed an eight-week training program starting in 2010 that is currently taught around the world, Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC). Interest in this subject is enormous, perhaps because the impact of self-compassion can be felt almost immediately. It can also be an epiphany to discover that each of us has the capacity to give ourselves much of the kindness and understanding that we seek, often in vain, from others.