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Anne Kingston - The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the Twenty-First Century

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Anne Kingston The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the Twenty-First Century
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The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the Twenty-First Century: summary, description and annotation

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One part The Beauty Myth . . . and one part Backlash*a provocative exploration of who and what a wife really is.
There is a wife crisis in North America, a brewing storm of conflicting forces swirling around what it means to be a wife at the beginning of the 21st Century. The word is so fraught with ambiguity that it has become a litmus test, eliciting from women emotions ranging from longing to antipathy, anxiety to derision. This crisis is at the heart of Anne Kingstons The Meaning of Wife.
Delving into the complex, troubling, and sometimes humorous contradictions, illusions, and realities of contemporary wifehood, Kingston takes the reader on a fascinating journey into the wedding industrial complex, which elevates the bride to a potent consumer icon; through the recent romanticization of domesticity; and across the conflicted terrain of wifely sexuality. She looks at wife backlash, and the new wave of neo-traditionalism that urges women to marry before their best-before dates expire; explores the apotheosis of abused wives and the strange celebration of wives who kill; and muses on the fact that Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart, two of the worlds wealthiest and most influential women, are both non-wives whose success has hinged on thier understanding of wives. The result is an entertaining mix of social, sexual, historical, and economic commentary that is bound to stir debate even as it reframes our view of both women and marriage.

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Table of Contents I t took a cast of thousands to bring this book into - photo 1
Table of Contents

I t took a cast of thousands to bring this book into existence, not only those who helped me directly but so many others whose inspirational ideas, work, expertise, and personal experiences are integral to its substance.
Bruce Westwood, my remarkable agent, must be credited for bringing my idea to life and for staying in my corner. I must also thank Natasha Daneman and Nicole Winstanley of Westwood Creative Artists in Toronto for their skilled work on my behalf. Thanks also to Gary Ross for coming up with such a clever title.
It was an honor to work with Denise Oswald at Farrar, Straus and Giroux. Thank you, Denise, for your support, keen editorial suggestions, and boundless generosity. Thanks also to Sarah Almond, Liz Calamari, JoAnna Kremer, and Charlotte Strick.
I am also indebted to Iris Tupholme at HarperCollins Canada for her unflagging trust and patience, without which The Meaning of Wife could never have been written. Iris also introduced me to the talented editor Jennifer Glossop, whose guidance and suggestions were invaluable. Nicole Langlois also offered wonderful editorial input, and Barney Gilmore must be thanked for preparing the index.
Moira Daly provided excellent research assistance, as did Theresa Butcher, Scott Maniquet, and Selma Davidson of the National Post library.
To my amazing family and friends, thanks for putting up with me during what seemed an endless ordeal, with added gratitude to my brother Robert Kingston for creating a brilliant cover concept and design.
Beppi Crosariol supported this book from day one, and was always there to offer his moral support and to make astute editorial suggestions. Many others contributed in so many ways. Thank you Sarah Murdoch, Peter Cundill, Gwen Kingston, David Kingston, Beth Kingston, Suzanne Depoe, Dianna Symonds, Sara Angel, Rob Firing, Noelle Zitzer, Siobhan Blessing, Heather Mallick, Ken Whyte, Dianne de Fenoyl, Sarmishta Subramanian, Natasha Hassan, Lorna Wendt Jorgansen, Mary Catherine Birgeneau, Nan Talese, Gail Singer, Sarah Hampson, Theresa Shecter, Myra Strober, Holly Maguigan, Lou Paget, Melissa Schuloff, Frank Addario, Tycho Manson, Richard Sik-los, Patricia Best, Tassie Cameron, Eleanore Rosenstein, and Carol Rosenstein. I owe you all.

ANNE KINGSTON
September 2004
Epigraph
Page vii: Carolyn G. Heilbrun, Writing a Womans Life (New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1988).
Chapter 1: The Wife Gap
Page 1: Changes in Teen Attitudes Toward Marriage, Cohabitation and Children, 1975-1999, National Marriage Project Staff, 1999; see also Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe, The State of Our Union 2001, The National Marriage Project 2001.
Page 2: Tamal M. Edwards, Who Needs A Husband? (Single By Choice: Flying Solo), Time , August 28, 2000.
Page 2: Susan Maushart, Wifework: What Marriage Really Means for Women (London: Bloomsbury, 2003), p. 6.
Page 3: Elizabeth Hurley quoted in William Cash, The Split-up: Liz and Let Liz, The Straits Times (Singapore), April 27, 2000.
Page 3: Lara Flynn Boyle quoted in Kevin Sessums, Call of the Wild, Vanity Fair , February 2001, p. 140.
Page 4: Henrik Ibsen, A Dolls House (new version by Frank McGuinness, from a translation by Charlotte Barslund), London: Faber and Faber, 1996, p. 100.
Page 5: John T Molloy, Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others (New York: Warner Books, 2003), p. 37.
Page 6: Deirdre Kelly, Glamour Jobs, Elle Canada , September 2001, p. 101.
Page 6: As one female social commentator wrote: Meghan Cox Gurdon, Shes Back, The Womens Quarterly, Spring 1998.
Page 6: contemporary status symbol: Amy Finnerty, What We Look Up to Now (issue) New York Times Magazine , November 15, 1998, p. 81.
Page 6: housewife wannabes: Judy Dutton, Meet the New Housewife Wannabes, Cosmopolitan , June 2000, p. 164.
Page 6: Helen Fielding, Bridget Joness Diary (London: Picador, 1998).
Page 6: Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman (New York: Broadway Books, 2002).
Page 7: female Rorschach test: interviews with author.
Page 10: Sir William Blackstone, Book the First: Chapter 15: Of Husband and Wife, Commentaries on the Laws of England , from the Avalon Project, Yale Law School.
Page 11: Lawrence Stone, Family, Sex and Marriage in England (New York: HarperCollins, 1983), pp. 217-253.
Page 11: Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America (New York: Schocken Books, 1974), Book 2, p. 241.
Page 11: Ellen duBois, ed., The Elizabeth Cady Stanton-Susan B. Anthony Reader: Correspondence, Writing, Speeches (Boston Northeastern University Press, 1992), pp. 55-56.
Page 12: Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (New York: Vintage Books, 1989), p. 456.
Page 12: Norman Mailers first wife: Deirdre Bair, Simone de Beauvoir. A Biography (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1990).
Page 12: Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique (New York: A Laurel Book, Dell Publishing, 1983), pp. 243-46.
Page 13: Interview with Gloria Steinem, Good Morning America, September 6, 2000.
Page 13: It didnt take courage not to want: New York , April 6, 1998, p. 89.
Page 14: Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch (New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2002).
Page 15: U.S. Supreme Court cited in Nancy Cott, Public Vows: A History of Marriage and the Nation (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2000).
Page 16: Simone de Beauvoir, A Transatlantic Love Affair: Letters to Nelson Algren (New York: The New Press, 1999), p. 20.
Page 16: Raymond Carver, A New Path to the Waterfall (New York: The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1989), p. 117.
Page 17: Philip Delves Broughton, How the Fish Found Her Bicycle, The Daily Telegraph (London), November 7, 2001, p. 17.
Page 17: Dave Tianen, Steinem at 66: a new bride with an old cause, Milwaukee Journal, March 22, 2001, p. EI.
Page 18: Americas Ur-wife: Lucinda Franks, The Intimate Hillary, Talk , September 1999, p. 167; and James Bennett, The Next Clinton, The New York Times Magazine , May 30, 1999, p. 23.
Page 20: David Lister, Greer Says PMs Wife Appears Like His Concubine, The Independent (London), January 18, 2001, p. 9.
Pages 20-21: George Bush on the best wife quoted in Susan Schindehette, The First Lady Next Door, People, January 29, 2001, p. 50.
Page 21: Erica Jong, Sometimes a Beard Changes Everything, New York Times , August 18, 2001, p. A15.
Page 21: Lynda Rosen Obst, Hello , He Lied: And Other Truths from the Hollywood Trenches (New York: Broadway Books, 1996), p. 167.
Pages 2122: Eisenhower and Hoover on Communist wives: Closet-Case Studies, New York Times Magazine, December 16, 2001, p. 23.
Page 23: even womens choice of career: See M.V. Lee Badgett and Nancy Folbre, Job Gendering: Occupational Choice and the Marriage Market, Industrial Relations , vol. 42, no. 2 (April 2003), p. 270, which argues women tend to select traditional careers, which often pay lower wages, to avoid being penalized in the marriage market.
Page 24: Jill Bialosky, How We Became Strangers, in Hanauer, Cathi, ed., The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood and Marriage (New York: William Morrow, 2002), p. 119.
Page 24: Peggy Orenstein, Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids and Life in a Half-Changed World (New York: Doubleday, 2000), p. 103.
Page 24: young women expect their husbands to be the primary breadwinners, cited in Anne Machung, Talking Career; Thinking Job: Gender Differences in Career and Family Expectations of Berkeley Seniors, Feminist Studies , 15:1 (Spring 1989), pp. 3538.
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