Zoey Acoff - The Little Book of Big Corgi Butts: Outrageously Cute Activities to Celebrate the Greatest Booty on Earth

BY STEPHEN KING

FOREWORD BY STEPHEN KING

My wife and I lived the first ten or twelve years of our marriage in a happily dogless state. Then one day my brother-in-law showed up with Jeremy, his corgi, and we fell in love. Didnt even need to talk about it; it was love at first sight. Since then weve always had a corgi or two to liven the place up, which they do just by being there. Right now its twoYoshi and Molly (aka the Thing of Evil). Before that there was Vixen, Frodo, Nixie, Marlowe, Juniper, and good old Bill, our first. None were pets. Each was a full-fledged member of the family.

Why corgis? Maybe because they would fit perfectly in the story of Goldilocks. Dig this: Corgis are not too big and not too small. Like Baby Bears bed, corgis are just right. Theyre smart, they have a sense of humor (that fiendish corgi grin is a default position), and theyre great watchdogs. No postman or FedEx driver goes undetected with a corgi in the house.

They enjoy toys, especially the ones that squeak, and if you can throw it, they will chase it. Every Frisbee is their friend. Corgis are just plain fun. You havent really lived until youve watched a corgi locked and loaded, ready to snap any passing housefly out of the air (in our house we call such unfortunate insects sky raisins). Nor have you lived until youve seen a corgi after a big snowstorm. With their sturdy little legs, they go through snow like rowboats in a moderate chop.

They are smart, trainable, biddable, loving dogs. Best of all, though, are those butts. Take it from me, theres nothing in the canine world like a plump corgi backside. Ive had people say, Without a tail to wag, how do you know when he or she is happy? Any corgi ownerwe are a dedicated band of brothers and sisterswill tell you that you know, all right. You absolutely know. When you come home from a day trip, a week on the road, or just a jaunt to the supermarket, a corgi runs to you (and believe me, they run fast) with his or her entire rear end wagging joyfully back and forth. A corgis butt is a corgis joy-buzzer, and every time I see it, I fall in love again.

Corgis! Not too big and not too small.

Just right.

I was six when I saw my first corgi. My mom and I were at the airport, flying to LA to visit my grandmom, when I saw a chubby smudge of fur ahead of us on the moving walkway. I kept staringwhat kind of dog has a heart-shaped bottom like that? Why is it so short? I could see it was wearing a red vest, with DO NOT PET on it in big block letters. I walked faster. The world around me disappeared. There was nothing but that floofy booty, bouncing hypnotically and only getting closer.

I bent down and stretched my hand out, knowing this would be the best petmaybe the best momentof my life. I reached, just inches between us, when suddenly my mom yelled, Noooo! She swatted my hand away and shuffled me off that walkway so fast I didnt even have time to whip out the tears.

I turned to look back at my missed connection, and he was giving me a woeful look, obviously as crushed as I was. We locked eyes. Time stopped. Life sparkled with meaning. Right then I knew that, one day, I would get my very own corgi. And I would pet it as much as I wanted to. And I would let everyone, everywhere, all across the world, pet it as much as they wanted to. We would be prancing unicorns of joy and glitter and soft tushies together, making the world a bouncier, fluffier place for all.

Fast forward to today, and I can definitively report that I am, in fact, a prancing unicorn of joy and glitter and soft tushies with Olive, my Pembroke. She is my light, my life, my everything. And yes, I do sit around and pet her all day. And yes, I do let anyone on the street pet her, and she loves every second of it. Were soulmates.

But what Ive realized from the privilegenay, the honorof being mom to this rare and exquisite animal is that nearly everybody feels that spark of electricity when they lock eyes with her. People converge on her like shes a chubby magnet, and they melt into a puddle of oohs and awws while I just sit back and mop it all up. Now I know that I definitely wasnt the first six-year-old to lose their scrunchie over a corgi, and every day I get to set the world right by bestowing all this doggie derrire on the next generation of six-year-olds.

Its my lifes work.

Thats why I could not be prouder of this book youre holding in your hands. The Little Book of Big Corgi Butts is the paean to the peachiest posterior that we all need. Packed with coloring pages, corgi facts, drawing prompts, crosswords, word searches, hard-hitting articles, and dozens of other activities, this is the book corgisessives all over the world have been waiting for.

So sit back, grab a pack of coloring pencils, a pencil, and an eraser, and get ready for a few blissful hours with the finest fanny on earth. Let the stressful and unimportant demands of life melt away as you learn dozens of corgi facts, color in sweet, sweet tushies, and up your intellect with corgi crosswords. Youll leave feeling replenished, re-centered, and reinvigorated to do what we were put on this earth to do: worship that booty.

ZOEY ACOFF AND THE CORGIS ARE LIFE TEAM

Zoey Acoff and the Corgis Are Life Team are a collaborative writing group that are totally real and entirely dedicated to the advancement of corgi art, science, and culture. They would like you to know that no corgis were harmed in the making of this book, but maayybe a few thousand treats were slipped to their muses, in the name of science.

There is only one Doxford English Dogtionary. Renowned for its discerning discernment, delicious taste, and deep-seated ability to double as a booster seat for the shorties among us, the Doxford English Dogtionary is the guiding light in doggie discourse for the twenty-first century. Some call it gibberish; some call it slanguage; some call it exactly the puppy pillow talk you need to get that booty bouncing your way. Whatever you call it, every devotee of the derpiest dwarves in doggoland needs to know how to stump that walk and bork that talk.