• Complain

Tyanni Niles - Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook

Here you can read online Tyanni Niles - Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook full text of the book (entire story) in english for free. Download pdf and epub, get meaning, cover and reviews about this ebook. year: 2021, publisher: Ulysses Press, genre: Home and family. Description of the work, (preface) as well as reviews are available. Best literature library LitArk.com created for fans of good reading and offers a wide selection of genres:

Romance novel Science fiction Adventure Detective Science History Home and family Prose Art Politics Computer Non-fiction Religion Business Children Humor

Choose a favorite category and find really read worthwhile books. Enjoy immersion in the world of imagination, feel the emotions of the characters or learn something new for yourself, make an fascinating discovery.

No cover
  • Book:
    Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook
  • Author:
  • Publisher:
    Ulysses Press
  • Genre:
  • Year:
    2021
  • Rating:
    3 / 5
  • Favourites:
    Add to favourites
  • Your mark:
    • 60
    • 1
    • 2
    • 3
    • 4
    • 5

Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook: summary, description and annotation

We offer to read an annotation, description, summary or preface (depends on what the author of the book "Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook" wrote himself). If you haven't found the necessary information about the book — write in the comments, we will try to find it.

Settle in for a stay at Schrute Farms Bed & Breakfast with this hilarious unofficial cookbook featuring rustic, beet-heavy recipes that Mental Floss calls, the perfect treat for any mega fans of The Office **2021 Foreword INDIES Award Finalist for Humor** Ask Yourself, What Wouldnt an Idiot Make for Dinner? The answer is exactly what you will find in this cookbook. With Beet This, you can make your next meal in true Schrute-Farms style with recipes that are equal parts rustic and merciless. Straight from Honesdale (the Keystone States culinary mecca) this cookbook is packed with old and hearty, Pennsylvania-inspired recipes that would earn Dwights perfectenschlag stamp of approval, including: Beet Biscuits with Rabbit Gravy (a breakfast classic) Beet and Cabbage Salad Beet Fries Russian Beet Soup Whole Roasted Beets Spicy Fried Rattlesnake with Pickled Beets Moist Chocolate-Beet Cake For a B&B nightcap, Home-Distilled Beet Vodka and so much more. . . Sharpen your Santoku, load your spud gun, and prepare to be transported to a magical, beet-filled corner of Northeast Pennsylvania. Or dont. And die of hunger. Idiot.

Tyanni Niles: author's other books


Who wrote Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook? Find out the surname, the name of the author of the book and a list of all author's works by series.

Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook — read online for free the complete book (whole text) full work

Below is the text of the book, divided by pages. System saving the place of the last page read, allows you to conveniently read the book "Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook" online for free, without having to search again every time where you left off. Put a bookmark, and you can go to the page where you finished reading at any time.

Light

Font size:

Reset

Interval:

Bookmark:

Make
Contents
Guide
Niles Kalpan Riegert Beet This An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook This book - photo 1

Niles Kalpan Riegert

Beet This

An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook

This book is not associated with or authorized or approved by The Office, NBC, Deedle-Dee Productions, 3 Arts Entertainment, Reveille Productions, Shine America, Universal Media Studios, or Universal Television

FOREWORD The Office holds a very special place in our hearts Michael Dwight - photo 2
FOREWORD

The Office holds a very special place in our hearts. Michael, Dwight, Pam, Jim, and Darryl helped us get through post-college doldrums, graduate school, breakups and marriages, raising small humans, andas we are writing thisthe most ridiculously awful global pandemic in more than a century. Suffice it to say, were really big fans.

After years of thinking about it we finally summoned the courage to write this - photo 3

After years of thinking about it, we finally summoned the courage to write this booka parody and homage to Dwight Schrute and his familys rich history as the purveyors of Schrute Farms, the most respected and storied beet farm in Honesdale, Pennsylvania. To get started, we asked ourselves one main question: What would a family cookbook look like if the Schrute family passed recipes down from one generation to the next, and then the next? Heavy on the beets, Pennsylvania Dutch cuisine, and classic German recipes, the cookbook you hold in your hands is what we imagine our favorite quirky, stoic, and self-sufficient family would have compiled over the decades.

So, chop up a couple of ruby queens, dust off your Le Creuset Dutch ovens, and join us on a culinary road trip to the manure-laden beet fields outside Scranton, PA.

Genieen (enjoy),

Tyanni Niles

Sam Kaplan

Keith Riegert

INTRODUCTION: BEET THAT, IDIOT

Fact: The beet is the most superior plant-based food ever discovered by man. If edible plants were to be given belts to denote rank and superiority, the beet would be a seventh-degree black belt. Beetroot is literally packed with iron, vitamin C, potassium, manganese, folate, protein, phosphorus, and enough dietary fiber to keep you regular well into your hundreds. In addition, the regular consumption of beets has been associated with health benefits such as boosted all-around stamina, improved circulation, lower blood pressure, and enhanced, jaguar-like reflexes. Enjoy this cookbook as if your life depends on it. It does.

All competent historians believe domestication of the beet allowed early - photo 4

All competent historians believe domestication of the beet allowed early civilization to flourish around 2000 BCE thanks to its versatility.

BEET FARMING 101

So, you want to become a beet farmer. Fantastic! The first thing to know is that you will inevitably fail. Proper beet farming requires an incredibly varied skill set, which you likely do not have. Here are just a few of the skills required to farm beets:

  1. The strength of at least one grown adult human and one adolescent human.
  2. Nothing lower than a green belt in karate.
  3. Facility with weapons (often referred to as gardening tools).
  4. Access to excellent soil.
  5. A beginners knowledge of both pest control and mind control.
Soil Beets are like babies They grow best when planted in tilled slightly - photo 5

Soil: Beets are like babies. They grow best when planted in tilled, slightly moist soil chock-full of organic matter (invest in plenty of manure). The optimum soil acidity is a pH of 6.4 (identical to healthy urine).

The typical life of a beet over three months Temperature Theres a reason - photo 6

The typical life of a beet over three months.

Temperature: Theres a reason that Northeastern Pennsylvania is known as the beet basket of the worldbeets grow best in cool temperatures, ideally between 50 and 65F (283 and 291.5 Kelvin). Youll want to hit pause on planting when temperatures climb into the 80s (300s).

Sowing: Plant your beet seeds a fortnight ahead of springs final frost. Sow each small handful of seeds 1 inch deep and 6 inches apart (in rows spaced a foot apart). Your average healthy acre should yield about 18 tons of beetsenough to feed a Schrute family of four for nearly a week.

Nurturing: Beets thrive in slightly moist soil. Consistently water throughout the growing season to avoid letting the soil dry out. You can grow superior beets in both full and partial sun.

Remove weeds by hand to ensure the beets arent disturbed. To guard against potential pestssuch as slugs, weevils, and leaf minerswe strongly recommend assigning a small child the honor of Overnight Guard Duty.

Harvesting: Your beets will be ready for harvesting between 40 (for baby beets) and 80 days (fully grown beets) after planting. Take the same care when digging out each beetroot that you would in helping to remove a young foal from the birth canal.

Storing: You can store your harvested beets in your refrigerator for up to 3 weeks. Beet greens can stay fresh and crisp up to a week in the refrigerator in a plastic bag.

Growing Hydroponic Beets Indoors

If youre afraid to get your hands into some sweet manure-laced earth, you can always grow your beets indoors using tuber hydroponics. Youll need to germinate your seedlings in trays before carefully transferring them to a beet-friendly growing media, such as clay pebbles, that will keep the seeds stable and moist. Your babies will need a deep growing container, plenty of water and nutrients, and about 6 to 8 hours of simulated sun each day. They should take about 2 months to mature for harvest.

A BEET-WORTHY KITCHEN

Choosing the right beets will make or break your dish. If you ever come across a couple of beets, do whatever you want with them. Fry them, saut them, whatever. We already know what to do with ours. But as much as wed love for you to figure it out yourself, our editors recommended we let you in on our family secrets. So, here are our tips:

Selecting: Superior beets are vibrant in color and firm and round. There are many beet varieties out there (e.g., red, golden, Chioggia, you name it!), but for the sake of this cookbook, we will be using the classic red beet. When choosing your red beets, look for a deep red color. The skin should be unblemished. If the leaves are attached, they should be a bright green. Red beets have a rich, earthy flavor but will gain a bit of sweetness the longer they are stored.

Cleaning: Twist or trim the stems and leaves of your beets to about inch. The great thing about beets? Theyre not just for roasting. Repurpose the leaves and use them to make other delicious recipes like salads or . Lightly scrub the beets under cold water with a clean brush or rough sponge to remove dirt and debris. Dont worry too much about the dirt in the stems; you can remove them with a knife by cutting right below the dark area near the top of the root.

Superior varieties of beets include from left to right the ringed Chioggia - photo 7

Superior varieties of beets include (from left to right) the ringed Chioggia, white Avalanche, sweet Golden, and virile Schrute.

Next page
Light

Font size:

Reset

Interval:

Bookmark:

Make

Similar books «Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook»

Look at similar books to Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook. We have selected literature similar in name and meaning in the hope of providing readers with more options to find new, interesting, not yet read works.


Reviews about «Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook»

Discussion, reviews of the book Beet This: An Unofficial Schrute Farms Cookbook and just readers' own opinions. Leave your comments, write what you think about the work, its meaning or the main characters. Specify what exactly you liked and what you didn't like, and why you think so.