Kjersti VanSlyke-Briggs - Dress Rehearsals for Gun Violence: Confronting Trauma and Anxiety in Americas Schools

Confronting Trauma and Anxiety in Americas Schools

Edited by

Kjersti VanSlyke-Briggs

Elizabeth A. Bloom

ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD

Lanham Boulder New York London

Published by Rowman & Littlefield

An imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

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Copyright 2021 by Kjersti VanSlyke -Briggs and Elizabeth A . Bloom

All rights reserved . No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Available

ISBN 9781475861556 (cloth : alk. paper) | ISBN 9781475861563 (pbk. : alk. paper) | ISBN 9781475861570 (epub)

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.

I texted my mom and dad, and said I loved them. My teacher turned to us and said, If anything goes wrong, I hope you all know that it was a pleasure to have taught you all.Payton, Age 17

Melissa Marietta

Elizabeth A. Bloom

Vincenzo Greco

Kjersti VanSlyke-Briggs, Sarah Rhodes, and Jenna Turner

Nicole Waid

Frank Thornton

Sarah Rhodes

Kjersti VanSlyke-Briggs

Melissa Marietta

It was nearly five oclock and the wind whipped, gusting leaves around the quad. As I shuffled my way across the college campus, I instinctively pulled my shoulders up to my ears to protect my bare neck from the cold.

My mind was racing between worrying that my daughter had her cleats for after school soccer to replaying a tense conversation with a colleague. I was on my way to guest present in a class and I was tired, but I looked forward to engaging with a class of future educators who are full of hope for the world ahead of them.

When I entered the classroom, I smiled at the students and exchanged warm hellos with the instructor. She called roll and I started my career planning presentation. The room was quiet as I began my pitch, doing my best to infuse a bit of humor into a dry topic, because who really wants to talk about resumes on a Wednesday night? As I spoke, the instructor waved and slipped out of the room.

Just as I was giving tips on the best shoes to wear to an interview, I heard a collective cell phone buzz around the room. Recognizing the number as the colleges emergency alert system, I picked up my phone. The automated voice shared what is called a Timely Warning, University Police has received notification that a current student believed to be on campus is threatening to shoot members of the campus community. Shelter in place. Watching the students look up from their phones with concern in their eyes, I snapped into mom mode and immediately took action. In an instant, I was now responsible for 30 peoples lives.

I tiptoed across the room to the door and glanced out the small, vertical window into the hallway. We heard piercing scrapes on the floor above us. Why are people making so much noise? I whispered. Id later learn it was the sound of desks and chairs being pushed up against the door, to form a barricade. My shoes were making little clicking sounds, so I took them off and tossed them by my bag. I peeked outside and could see some people rushing to their cars, wishing I was able to do the same and not be trapped with no way out.

Everyone okay? I asked. They nodded.

The room felt frozen in time. We sat in total silence while the students fingers furiously texted. I sent a text to my husband with a basic message, Dont panic. There may be an active shooter on campus. Seconds later, my phone buzzed multiple times, but I silenced it, not wanting to make any unnecessary sounds. He texted back, telling me he had called the police who said it was just a threat.

I wanted to feel relief, but I didnt. Everyone was calm. I told them that our sheltering in place was simply a precaution. We needed to wait until we received the all-clear message. My mind raced. How long would we have to sit in the dark? Would I later feel silly about reacting with such caution? Could we stop someone with a gun from killing us all in 30 seconds? Then a student called out, My friend said the shooter is in our building!

Within seconds, the students pushed out of their desks and took cover in the corners of the room. I didnt even have to tell them what to do. As I tucked myself under the table, I apologized to my students for showing my underwear as I bent in my dress. How ironic: 25 minutes before, I was lecturing about the importance of looking professional in interviews. After a few minutes, I crouched down and made my way down the wall, asking students if they were okay, feeling their body heat as we crowded closely together. Tears streamed down many faces. A few students stood shoulder to shoulder by the exit, their jaws clenched and eyes focused on the door. One gripped another students umbrella, ready to fight. They had all taken position, ready for whatever was coming.

In that moment, it hit me: they know the drill. They know what to do. They have done this before.

We sat on the floor for what felt like hours. Everyone was getting messagesfrom students on campus, off campus, and even from around the country. Our social media feeds were full of news bites and rumors about what was happening to us. Several of my friends texted me. I confirmed that I was on campus and I was sheltering in place with a classroom of students. Prayers were wished and updates requested.

What in the hell would I do if I heard gun fire? What if I die today, on my husbands birthday?

I thought about Columbine and Sandy Hook, other schools, colleges, nightclubs, places of worship, yoga studios, grocery stores, movie theaters, and concerts.

I thought about how being in an active shooter situation in the United States isnt an if but a when .

Was this our when ?

I texted my mom. I texted my brother. I knew my children wouldnt have their iPads, but I texted them both anyway, I love you! Then, I texted their babysitter who is a student at my school. I knew shed gotten the Timely Warning message, too. I wrote that I was okay. I wrote, Dont tell the girls.

When we finally got the All Clear message, we started to breathe again. I asked the students if they were comfortable with me turning on the lights. Everyone crept back to their desks. I opened the door as other classes filed out.

I felt disbelief mixed with relief. Did this really happen?

I told the students they could go. One asked me about what else I was going to cover in the presentation. I put on my shoes and started telling the group about the missed lecture. Then we heard a stampede of people running and screaming in the hall. In seconds, our door was closed, the lights were off, and we were huddled into the corners. Students were now openly sobbing.

My heart pounded as I stared at the door. What the hell is going on? I said out loud, not caring in that moment that they were looking to me to be their protector. I regained my composure and told them it was okay, but I wasnt actually sure. We can break the window to get out! one of the students urged. Some students were shaking. Was I shaking? I texted their instructor, who was still in another building. She replied that her building cleared. The shelter in place was over. It was confirmed. I later learned that an all-clear alarm had caused the panic.