Alexandra J. Kuisis - Truth Matters, Love Wins: a memoir of choosing faith over fear in the face of false accusations

Disclaimer: This book reflects the authors present recollections of her experiences over time. Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed, some events have been compressed, and some dialogue has been recreated. While no official court documents were used to recall this re-telling, personal notes taken in real time, personal journal entries, personal correspondence, and detailed written summaries from friends and family also present in the courtroom each day were.

The views and opinions expressed in this book are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views or opinions of Gatekeeper Press. Gatekeeper Press is not to be held responsible for and expressly disclaims responsibility of the content herein.

Truth Matters, Love Wins: A Memoir of Choosing Faith over Fear in the Face

of False Accusations

Published by Gatekeeper Press

2167 Stringtown Rd, Suite 109

Columbus, OH 43123-2989

www.GatekeeperPress.com

Copyright 2021 by Alexandra J. Kuisis

All rights reserved. Neither this book, nor any parts within it may be sold or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

The editorial work for this book are entirely the product of the author. Gatekeeper Press did not participate in and is not responsible for any aspect of the editorial work.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021933841

ISBN (paperback): 9781662910371

eISBN: 9781662910388

Dedicated to the truth tellers

***

Also, for my mother, with love

Contents

Sometimes when we look back in reflection on the other side of an intense period of struggle, we can tend to downplay or paint it in a different light: it wasnt that big a deal, it wasnt that much of a hardship. To do so here would be misleading to the reader as well as disrespectful to myself, because my story was categorically disruptive in a way that created real trauma. That said, it is important to note that the injustices of my situation were comparatively mild to what many other defendants face and if not for the socioeconomic privilege I was born into, they could have been much worse. For women of color, they routinely are.

A Black person is five times more likely to be stopped without just cause than a white person, and the imprisonment rate for African American women is two times that of white women. Compared to observably similar whites, Black people are more likely to be searched for contraband, more likely to experience police force, more likely to be charged with a serious offense, more likely to be convicted, and more likely to be incarcerated.

I am neither a criminal justice scholar nor a social justice expert, but you dont have to be to understand what the studies, statistics, and historical data clearly show the criminal justice system in the United States is not only broken, but it is also glaringly unjust and systemically racist.

Change is needed and possible. One way to help is to support non-profit organizations working to reform criminal justice systems, policies, and procedures in the United States.

Proclaim Justice is a non-profit dedicated to winning freedom for victims of wrongful convictions. Learn more and donate at: http://proclaimjustice.org/ Please note: 5% of this books proceeds will be donated to Proclaim Justice.

The Innocence Project is a non-profit that works on exonerating the innocent through DNA testing and reforming the criminal justice system to prevent future injustice. Learn more and donate at: https://www.innocenceproject.org/

The Criminal Law Reform Project from the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) seeks to end harsh policies and racial inequities in the criminal justice system. Learn more and donate here: https://www.aclu.org/issues/criminal-law-reform

The National Bail Out collective is a Black-led and Black-centered collective of abolitionist organizers, lawyers and activists building a community-based movement to support our folks and end systems of pretrial detention and ultimately mass incarceration. Learn more and donate at: https://www.nationalbailout.org/

The Bail Project National Revolving Bail Fund is a critical tool to prevent incarceration and combat racial and economic disparities in the bail system. Learn more and donate at: https://bailproject.org/

Additional Reading:

M. Alexander, The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Color-blindness, New Press, 2010.

B. Stevenson, Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption, Spiegel and Grau, 2015.

D. Cole, No Equal Justice: Race and Class in the American Justice System, New Press, 1999.

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. Gautama Buddha

1979 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin

I am four years old and waiting. My parents are going out to dinner with friends from church tonight so one of the many babysitters who watches us on a rotating basis is coming to spend time with me and my baby sister, who will likely sleep the entire evening. This babysitter plays a special game with me, a game Im instructed not to talk about, so I dont. Im a really good rule follower. Plus, the babysitter told me Ill get in trouble if I say anything and although Im an insatiably curious kid, Im not someone who intentionally goes looking for trouble.

I already know how the night will go. After my parents leave, this babysitter will pull off the blue plastic lid from the tiny tub of Vaseline she always brings and instruct me to dip my small fingers in soft yellow jelly as she pulls her pants down and lies across my bed. Then shell tell me where and how to touch her. Shell make it seem like I have an important role, something only I can do, and I will believe her, even though the game is confusing to me.

When Im sent to wash my hands after the game is over, Ill wrinkle my nose in quiet disgust at the sour smell as I patter down the hall to the bathroom at the top of the stairs. I dont have the slightest inkling of how this secret will create utter havoc in my life 40 years from now, and I cant yet realize how this game is going to alter the quality of every decision I make going forward.

How can I? Im four.

My parents dont find out because I do not tell them, even after this babysitter is long gone from our lives, even after I come to understand that it had never been a game at all.

1998 - Boulder, Colorado

I am 23 years old and happy to be here. Ive only lived in this city for a week, but my rickety 89 gold VW Golf has already conked out on me a handful of times. Maybe it doesnt like the altitude, maybe it feels out of place in this land of BMWs and Range Rovers. In any case, Im in good spirits and hoping for the best as I drive my sister, Mona, to the train station in Denver, 45 minutes away. Shes been helping me get settled in my new life a thousand miles from the home we shared as children, and now shes heading back to Wisconsin to finish her college education. I completed mine in the spring and surprised family and friends alike by choosing to re-locate to Boulder as my next move.

Were cheerfully gabbing about my exciting fresh beginning, laughing as the gold Golf rumbles its way down Highway 36, one of my carefully-crafted mix tapes serving up artists like Dar Williams, Jewel, and the Indigo Girls as the backdrop of our ride.