Dr. Vicki Matthews - The Five Elements of Relationships: How to Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace

Advance Praise for The Five Elements of Relationships

An accessible guide that helps us understand ourselves and each other while offering opportunities to create happier, healthier, more comfortable relationships.

John Gray, Ph.D. , Bestselling Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

Vicki Matthews brings a great deal of experience, expertise, and relationship clarity through her use of the Five Elements model to help people get along better.

Donna Eden, Author of Energy Medicine

I love this book! It has such an engaging quality; its all my wife and I could talk about for days. I understand people better now and only wish Id known this twenty years ago.

Jack Canfield , Coauthor of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series

Every now and then a book comes along that changes your life. The Five Elements of Relationships is just such a book for me. The information it contains makes it easier than ever to understand each other so that we can all get along better. This book should be required reading for every human being.

Patty Aubery , author of the bestselling book and course, Permission Granted , and president of the Canfield Training Group

Vicki Matthews offers a unique model of relationship that makes it easier than ever to understand and get along with the people in your life. Based on the ancient wisdom of the Five Elements, this approach can certainly benefit all of your relationships!

Marci Shimoff , #1 New York Times bestselling author of Happy for No Reason , Love for No Reason , and Chicken Soup for the Womans Soul

A POST HILL PRESS BOOK

ISBN: 978-1-63758-451-4

ISBN (eBook): 978-1-63758-452-1

The Five Elements of Relationships:

How to Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace

2022 by Dr. Vicki Matthews

All Rights Reserved

Cover design by Tiffani Shea

Although every effort has been made to ensure that the personal and professional advice present within this book is useful and appropriate, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any person, business, or organization choosing to employ the guidance offered in this book.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher.

Post Hill Press

New York Nashville

posthillpress.com

Published in the United States of America

To Mark, the most wonderful husband and partner in the world. Thank you for a lifetime of love, comradery, fun, and understanding.

To Cindy, the best sister in the world. Thank you for believing in me.

To my dearest friends all over the world. Thank you for your encouragement.

To the patients who shared the highs and lows of their journeys with me. Thank you for your trust.

And finally, to people everywhere who really do want to get along better. This is for you.

Table of Contents

I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.

Maha tma Gandhi

I t happened three weeks after Mark and I graduated from college, moved, and got married (yes, all on the same weekend). As realistic owners of an ancient Toyota Corolla, wed borrowed a relatives more roadworthy car and were driving from Chicago to LA for a friends wedding. It had been a long trip, and as we crossed into California, we hit the Mojave Desert, which, Id just like to point out, was impossibly barren. No trees, no water, no other carsjust rocks and sand, sand and rocks.

However, there were also no highway patrol cars anywhere in sight. But despite my obvious impatience, Mark continued to drive the speed limit.

Finally, I couldnt take it any longer. Can we speed this up? I asked.

Not a good idea, he replied, his eyes on the never-ending road.

For heavens sake, I snapped. Why not?

He sighed and shot a dismissive glance my way. We are already going the speed limit.

But there is no one else out here! I shouted. NO ONE!

The speed limit is the speed limit, he replied calmly.

And that was it.

I spent the rest of the trip wondering what Id done. Who was this person and why had I ended up with a fellow who always drove the speed limit (I drive fast), planned budgets with a precision that would impress any one of the Big Four accounting firms (I plan, but in rather broad strokes), and had the ability to stay focused on immeasurable details seemingly forever (Im an impatient, big-picture kind of girl)? Yes, I loved him deeply, but were we destined to fight over speed limits and spending forever?

Watching my friends and their relationships, I couldnt explain what was going on with them, either. I had a passing knowledge of astrology and even a degree in psychology, so could discuss aspects of why my friends were the way they were. Leos are usually aggressive. The baby of the family expects to be treated well. But I couldnt really explain what was happening between them. Why did Judy and Ross always fight while cooking, even though they both loved to cook? Why did Mary end up with the same kind of guy over and over again, even though they always broke her heart? Why couldnt they all just get along? Then quite unexpectedly, about ten years into our marriage, the answer to these questions landed smack in my lap.

After working in the business world for several years, Id returned to school to study my first love: medicine. But ever the rebel, I went for a naturopathic degree instead of attending traditional medical school. My studies in naturopathic medicine included Chinese history, and thats what led to my relationship epiphany. Over three millennia ago, Chinese philosophers coalesced their significant understanding of the universe into a disarmingly simple model based on their observations of nature. Called the Five Elements model, not only did it serve to describe the energetic workings of the universe, I discovered it was also fantastic at predicting and explaining human relationships.

Once this clicked for me, I finally understood that Mark wasnt really anal retentive; he was wired to appreciate hierarchy, process, and protocol. I wasnt really a bossy pants; I was wired to be assertive, opinionated, and productive. And in our relationship, our individual wiring meant that we were destined to act and react in very specific ways as a couple, especially around the topic of control (more on that later).

Applying the Five Elements model changed how I related to everyone in my life and helped me understand how they related to me. My sister is wired to appreciate tradition, even though Im not. Because of this, I decided it was important to include some traditions in our family events rather than always going for the new. That makes her happy. One of my good friends is a blast to be around because shes wired to be outgoing and funny, which I definitely am not. So instead of meeting in quiet restaurants over tea and wondering why she cant fit in, now we go places where being loud and boisterous is welcome and we have a much better time. I also realized that my father wasnt necessarily distant; he was wired to need time alone, which as a child I never understood. Hes gone now, but in looking back, I see that it really wasnt about him not loving me. Bless the Five Elements model!