Fonzworth Bentley - Advance Your Swagger: How to Use Manners, Confidence, and Style to Get Ahead

H ow did I, a guy from Atlanta, Georgia, move to New York City without knowing a soul in the entertainment industry and become the personal assistant to one of the biggest moguls in hip-hop history, Sean Diddy Combs, in under two years? And then how was I able to transform that opportunity, brand myself, and become one of the players in the industry?

Don't get it twisted; it wasn't easy. But of course, nothing worth having is easy I understand why they say If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. This was my first time living outside the South, and I had to grow up fast and figure out how to maneuver even faster.

I can attribute my success to three factors: manners, confidence, and style. I honestly believe we are living in the Golden Age of Disrespect. A time when common courtesies such as speaking to folks, smiling, and saying please and thank you are perceived as making men look soft and women look vulnerable. We rush past one another and think any sign of kindness will be misconstrued as weakness. Looking hard is in.

But that's not me!

Manners were essential in my upbringing. I'm a southerner. In my neck of the woods, you are trained to speak to everyone. I wouldn't dare walk down my street in Atlanta without speaking to my neighbors, or cut past someone without saying excuse me. Doing these things is like breathing to me. So when I moved to New York, I continued to be myself and use the manners that my parents and ancestors instilled in me. Admittedly, some people looked at me as if I were a visitor from Mars, but most thought it was refreshing. I met a lot of influential people, and a lot of doors were opened simply because I followed the traditions of my youth. My manners were the first ingredient that set me apart from my peers.

Now, I'm a Morehouse Man. Morehouse College is the school of Martin Luther King, Jr.; Samuel L. Jackson; Spike Lee; Maynard Jackson, the first African-American mayor of Atlanta; Michael Lomax, president and CEO of the United Negro College Fund; and my dad, Fred Watkins, just to name a few prestigious graduates. To be a Morehouse Man is synonymous with being confident. There is a saying: You can tell a Morehouse Man, but you can't tell him much. It is that kind of confidence that embodies the culture at Morehouse College. Students there are taught to be distinguished, self-assured, and proud of their heritage. They are taught to Find a way or make one. This unwavering self-confidence was the second ingredient that set me apart from my peers.

As for style, well, that has been my thing for a long time. I was never that keen on following the crowd. When everyone was wearing oversize jerseys, pants that were way too big, and tennis shoes (you may call them sneakers), I was wearing a three-piece chocolate-brown-and-tan-pinstriped Purple Label suit, a lavender spread-collar shirt, a foulard tie, chocolate-brown suede cap-toe shoes, and of course, a pocket square. I was wearing suits, but I didn't look Wall Street. I was wearing bold colors, but I didn't look hip-hop. I had my own style that was, in many ways, a blend of the two. My unique style became the third ingredient that set me apart from my peers.

MANNERS + CONFIDENCE + STYLE = SWAGGER. That formula is what this book is all about.

Chances are, you want to know a little something about how to work your swagger. I think you want to know how you can break in to whatever business or profession you're striving for so you, too, can live out your dream.

I get that.

You might have picked up this book because you went to a fancy dinner or an upscale restaurant and didn't know which glass was yours or which fork went with which knife. Or there are times when you need to put down the throwback, white tee, and Nike and put on a suit, but you don't know how to tie it together. You're ready to step up your game.

I get that.

I'm going to give you the answers to many of your questions. We'll talk about table manners. We'll talk about how to put together your dress for any occasion. We'll talk about how to land that job you want. And then we'll talk about brushing your shoulders off. Yes, y'all, we will go theredealing with haters. Because you know, like I know, that once you get your swagger right, the haters will most definitely show up.

In other words, this book is about you! It's about helping you get to the next level. It's about getting ahead so you can be the man or woman you were meant to be.

I will share with you a few personal stories so you can see what worked and didn't work for me. Throughout the book, you'll see Bent Hints, which are those little things you should keep in your hip pocket at all times. They are that one bit of 411 to help get you through if you forget everything else.

I hope that after you read this book, you will see that being successful is all about the way you carry yourself, the respect you have for others, and the respect you have for yourself. In other words, it's all those little lessons that your mother or grandmother tried to teach you when you were a shawty as we say in the ATL, but either you didn't listen because you didn't think they were that important, or you have simply forgotten and need a refresher.

My parents taught my younger brother and me to Start where you are, use what you have, and do the very best you can. They told us if we followed these principles, we would be successful no matter what we did in life. These principles worked for me, this guy from Atlanta, Georgia, who moved to New York City without knowing a soul in the entertainment industry and found his dream.

And they can work for you, too.

Now let's get started.

I am beginning this book with manners. Hold on. Don't turn the page yet. You see, I believe your swagger comes from the inside out. It doesn't matter how good you look, how stylish you are, or how confident you appear. If you are rude, crude, or unpolished, you will not get very far in any game and stay there. After all, who wants to be around anyone who doesn't respect others or him-or herself?

I think one of the most important lessons I have learned in life is about relationships. You can go just about anywhere and do just about anything if people know you, like you, and feel comfortable with you. I believe knowing how to treat people well is a very important ingredient for success, no matter what profession you choose.

And it all begins with three little words, please and thank you.

My parents were sticklers for making my brother and me use what they called the magic words: please and thank you. If we didn't say please, we didn't get anything. If we didn't say thank you, what we got was taken back. When you're a kid, you learn pretty quickly how to get what you want. So if saying please and thank you got me what I wanted, then please and thank you were the way to go. After all, it didn't take much sweat to say them, and it reaped fantastic results.

It worked when I met Sean Diddy Combs.