Todd Wilson - Help! Im Married to a Homeschooling Mom: Showing Dads How to Meet the Needs of Their Homeschooling Wives

2004 by
T ODD W ILSON

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

All scripture quotations, unless indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Wilson, Todd.

Help! Im married to a homeschooling mom: showing dads how to meet the needs of their homeschooling wives / by Todd Wilson.

ISBN 0-8024-2943-2

1. FathersReligious life. 2. MothersPsychology. 3. Home schooling. 4. HusbandsReligious life. 5. WivesPsychology. 6. MarriageReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV4529.17.W56 2004

248.8421dc22

2003027876

1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2

Printed in the United States of America

To my lovely wife, Debbie, the mom in Help! Im Married to a Homeschooling Mom. I continually thank God for the teacher He has blessed our children with and for the partner He has given me. Youre my best friend. Thank you for allowing me to be real about us.

I love you,
Me

YOURE MARRIED TO A homeschooling mom when:

• The only time your wife looks somewhat refreshed is during the summer, two weeks at Christmas, and one week during the spring.
• Your wifes eyes light up when you say the words curriculum fair.
• Your wifes idea of a romantic getaway involves 6,000 other people, workshops, and hundreds of book vendors.
• You give your wife a love note, and she grades it.
• Your wife weeps every time a school bus drives by.
• Your wife prays every night for the Lord to return before the next day of school.
• Instead of, Not now, I have a headache, your wife says, Not now, I have to go over my lesson plan.
• Your wife scolds in her sleep.
• Youve eaten cereal for dinner sometime this past week.
• The first place you look for your wife when you come home from work is in the closet.
• Your wife will only talk to you if you raise your hand.
• Your wife talks with telemarketers for the adult conversation.

It doesnt matter what the experts say. I know for a fact that one of the toughest jobs on earth is being a homeschooling mom. Who else is expected to prepare lesson plans for three different age groups, teach complex problems to small humans who pick their noses, and referee pint-sized preschoolers who fight over toys, all at the same time?

A homeschooling mom is responsible for all her childrens learning and running a household. There are dishes to wash, rooms to clean, meals to cook, and a husband to clean up after. Ifand its a big ifshe has any energy left, she is expected to never let [her] man forget hes a man.

But, as difficult as it is being a homeschooling mom, its even tougher being married to a homeschooling mom. Instead of being greeted by a put-together woman resembling June Cleaver, the husband of a homeschooling mom is met by a woman who looks like a serial killer waiting for another victim.

The unsuspecting husband naively offers his great wisdom in response to her terrible day, but that only adds fuel to a fire that is already burning out of control.

I forgot to thaw the meat, she says while looking at her husband like its his fault. You got any ideas for dinner?

Jim knew this was bad. The home atmosphere alert had been rasied to defcon 4.

Without thinking, he offers, Why dont you cook up some of your world famous lasagna. Its not that hard, is it?

She rolls her eyes in disgust and estimates that it will take two hours to get it on the table.

Thats okay, Dear, he reassures her, patting her shoulder. That will give me time to read the paper. Its been a tough day. Besides, I ate a late lunch at Applebees with some of the guys.

The next thing he knows, lasagna noodles are dripping from his head.

What? Did I say something wrong? he asks.

Dad, I applaud you for giving your family the privilege of being educated at home, and I sympathize with your plight of being married to a homeschooling mom. However, if you expect your wife to successfully pull off this homeschooling task, then shes going to need your help.

Homeschooling is a tremendous undertaking. It can crush a woman who is forced to carry it alone. Homeschooling is at its best when the husband and wife shoulder its weight. Working as a team doesnt make it easythat would be wishful thinkingbut it does make it easier.

Together, you can do almost anything. And with Gods help and strength, you can do all things (Philippians 4:13). When the tough days come (which in my household is about every third day), you can weather them together. When one of you starts to have second thoughts or doubts, the other one comes to the rescue. If you both start to wilt, then together you hang on to God until the fatigue passes.

Husband, your wife longs to have you as her partner, like a person crawling through the desert longs for water. She was created to have you at her side, defending, supporting, and leading her.

Unfortunately, most women embark on the home-schooling journey alone. They pick out the curriculum, do the lesson plans, teach the kids, and juggle all the demands of running a house. They walk the earth like the living dead. The joy that they once exuded is a foggy memory. They get cranky with you, the kids, and the dog.

Are you one of those dads who set incredibly high expectations? Do you get concerned if eight-year-old Copernicus (homeschoolers hardly ever choose normal names) isnt reading at a college level, and wonder why the house isnt as clean as it once was?

Your unrealistic expectations, disapproval, and lack of interest further the burnout of your homeschooling wife until shes ready to throw in the towel.

What your wife really needs is your help.

You may not be able to do much of the teaching, but there are many other ways in which you can help. The whole family benefits when you pitch in because when mamas happy, everyones happy.

Eleven of the next twelve chapters discuss the different needs of your homeschooling wife that you can meet (and only the last chapter is devoted to your needs).

My desire is not to pistol-whip you into submission. I simply want you and your wife to make it to the end of your homeschooling adventure in one piece, having enjoyed the ride together.