Bretman Rock - Youre That Bitch: & Other Cute Lessons About Being Unapologetically Yourself

Me visiting me at Ulta

Courtesy of the author.

Im gonna talk more in depth about growing up in the Philippines, all of the Filipino cultural traditions and superstitions ingrained in me from an early age, being left behind with my dad when my mom and siblings moved to Hawaii, and how I learned how to speak English and become an entertainer by watching reality shows like A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and Americas Next Top Model. And obviously, a big part of who I am is about being genderqueer (I mean, did you see my Playboy cover?). I have lots to say about it, and I hope it will not only help other LGBTQ+ people but also open the hearts, minds, and eyes of my straight fans. Lets make one thing clear right off the bat: I identify as a human-fucking-being. Ive always been a divine blend of omasculine and feminineso if I look like a lesbian after a bicep-bulging workout, call me he, but if Im in full makeup wearing a Catholic schoolgirl plaid skirt and barrettes, call me she. I dont mind, Im cute either way! (Maybe I should just make my own gender at this point... I am a Bretman.)

Im very proud of being LGBTQ+ and Filipino, so its an honor to be a pretty face for both underrepresented communities. Plus, Asian Americans and Asian immigrants are increasingly facing hate and violence, so Im passionate about helping create more positive visibility for usespecially for brown Asiansin entertainment, beauty, and fashion. I want to make all of my communities proudnative, immigrant, Filipino, Hawaii.

People often ask me what my beliefs are, and the answer is simple: I believe in myself, duh! I mean, I also believe in family, and my heritage. Like I may curse like a motherfuxin bitch, but I also embody the Aloha spirit, which is carefree, kind, spiritual, and peaceful. Back to myself: I went from living in a house with twenty-five people to owning my own home on the island of Oahu. I am the American Dream and I made it happen by hustling my whole life. Ive been an entrepreneur since I was a toddler, and all of the little businesses I started as a kidfrom selling feather earrings plucked straight off my cousins cockfighting chickens to using makeup to cover up all the girls hickeys in high schoolled to my success and prepared me for this wild-ass life I created.

And whats a celebrity memoir without spilling some iced matcha latte about datingIll tell you about how I lost my virginity at Disneyland, about being scared of white penises, and about falling in and out of love for the first time, stuff Ive never talked about publicly. [Programming note: 99.9 percent of the stories I tell are true but some names have been changed to protect those bitches.] Like, how one of my biggest accomplishments and blessings in life was not fucking anyone from my high schoolI didnt date anyone the entire four years. Do not shed tears of pity for me (even if youre a cute crier)! While my classmates were busy getting STDs, I was busy becoming Bretman Rock.

Youre That Bitch reflects all sides of me: I am Bretman Rock, the entertainer and an extrovert, but sometimes I also just wanna be Bretman Sacayanan in my crop top and shorts, eating my chicken unbothered. Im just an ordinary gorlat the same time, Im also that bitch every minute, meaning Im always authentically me. Sometimes Im lazy, I get bored, I get scared, I feel ignored, I feel happy, I get silly, I choke on my own words. Ive literally been diagnosed with ADHD, so like my videos and my mind, my book is organized chaos, visually gorgeous (of courz), and packed with essays, anecdotes, journal entries, and advice from my life that I want to pass on to you. Give me any topic, and Ill tell you a funny story in the way only I can. But bitch, my stories also have depth.

The full Bretman is not only what the internet seesthere are so many different sides to me. Like how Im smarter than people think. I love learning new things and trying everything at least once. Most of all, I dont like labels, and I refuse to be pigeonholed. At the end of the day, Im thankful for every day and every chance I get to share my light with the worldwhichever facet of Bretman might be shining brightest at any given moment. So even if youre not also a genderqueer Asian influencer, I think youll relate to my stories. These essays are about not fitting in but learning how to not give a fux, how to exude effortless confidence and win people over with charm and humor, being authentic and original, and turning your fantasies into reality the Bretman Rock waythat is, doing the least while looking the most. I want you to learn how to stop and smell the flowers and just realize: Wow, Im that bitch, too.