In Your Face Stories from the Lives of Queer Youth
HAWORTH Gay & Lesbian Studies
John P. De Cecco, PhD Editor in Chief
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Queer Kids: The Challenges and Promise for Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youth by Robert E. Owens
Looking Queer: Body Image and Identity in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Communities edited by Dawn Atkins
Love and Anger: Essays on AIDS, Activism, and Politics by Peter F. Cohen
Dry Bones Breathe: Gay Men Creating Post-AIDS Identities and Cultures by Eric Rofes
Lilas House: Male Prostitution in Latin America by Jacobo Schifter
A Consumers Guide to Male Hustlers by Joseph Itiel
Trailblazers: Profiles of Americas Gay and Lesbian Elected Officials by Kenneth E. Yeager
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Untold Millions: Secret Truths About Marketing to Gay and Lesbian Consumers by Grant Lukenbill
Its a Queer World: Deviant Adventures in Pop Culture by Mark Simpson
In Your Face: Stories from the Lives of Queer Youth by Mary L. Gray
Military Trade by Steven Zeeland
Longtime Companions: Autobiographies of Gay Male Fidelity by Alfred Lees and Ronald Nelson
From Toads to Queens: Transvestism in a Latin American Setting by Jacobo Schifter
The Construction of Attitudes Toward Lesbians and Gay Men by Lynn Pardie and Tracy Luchetta
Lesbian Epiphanies: Women Coming Out in Later Life by Karol L. Jensen
In Your Face Stories from the Lives of Queer Youth
Mary L. Gray
Transferred to Digital Printing 2008 by Routledge 2008
2 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon, OX14 4RN
270 Madison Ave, New York NY 10016
Published by
Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc., 10 Alice Street, Binghamton, NY 13904-1580
1999 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, microfilm, and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Cover design by Monica L. Seifert.
The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition of this book as:
Gray, Mary L.
In your face : stories from the lives of queer youth / Mary L. Gray.
p. cm.
ISBN 0-7890-0076-8 (alk. paper).
1. Gay youthUnited States. 2. HomosexualityUnited States. I. Title
HQ76.3.U5G73 1999
305.235dc21
98-46426
CIP
ISBN 1-56023-887-9 (pbk.)
Publishers Note
The publisher has gone to great lengths to ensure the quality of this reprint but points out that some imperfections in the original may be apparent.
I dedicate this book to Andrew Brosnan, my dear friend, research assistant, pizza delivery boy, spell checker, and copy editor extraordinaire. Thank you, Andrew. I wrote this for you as much as I wrote it for myself.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mary L. Gray is a doctoral candidate in Communication at the University of California at San Diego. A queer youth rights advocate and activist, she co-moderates the only on-line support newsgroup for queer youth and continues to act as a consultant to agencies using new media technologies for political and social activism.
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
This collection was very much a collaborative project. The fifteen people whose stories you are about to read (as well as any youth I met while researching queer identity who are not included in this collection) all contributed to the making of this book. They are more accurately co-authors of this project, for without our shared commitment to publish stories for both other youth and adult allies to read, there would be nothing new for me to tell you.
I want to personally thank: Paige, Lisa Campbell, Eriq Chang, Eileene Coscolluela, Anthony Gomez, Jim, Adam Hardy, Ernie Hsiung, Mathis, Todd Fay-Long, Dawn McCausland, Kyallee Santanders, Michael Talis, Mary Toth, and Alan Wiley. They are an opinionated and proud bunch. I apologize to them for having taken so long to get their words of wisdom out, but hope they will take satisfaction in seeing the impact their comments will make on a generation of youth like themselves.
I also want to thank my editor, mentor, and greatest supporter, John De Cecco, as well as The Haworth Press, for having the faith in this project to support it through both time and grants. The transcription work of Barbara Smith was invaluable, of course; she managed to catch every uh and like uttered, which in itself is amazing. My familybig sister, Verda, mom, and popshave all bragged enough about me that I felt the needed extra pressure to actually finish this book to live up to their boasting. I have leaned heavily on my partner in crime, Mary T., and many of my friends, and I missed many group gatherings because of this project; everyones patience, particularly that of the Davis gang (you all know who you are), has been greatly appreciated.
Introduction
Why Do We Need Books Like This?
The lack of firsthand accounts from young people identifying as lesbian, gay, bi, and transgendered is not coincidental. The radical right works diligently to drive queer teachers from the classroom, pushing the panic button for fear that these teachers will recruit unsuspecting (presumedly) straight students; in response, a fearful adult queer community builds distance between itself and youth, particularly those questioning their sexuality; add to this our societys ever-present attitude that the experiences of youth are less than real. Combined homophobia and ageism, fixtures of our social landscape, have effectively rendered the realities of lesbian, gay, bi, and transgendered young people invisible to both the queer and straight worlds.
In most cases, peoples views on homosexuality reflect the beliefs and values of their communities. One cannot deny that the current attitudes about queer sexuality are less than supportive and positive. Consider, then, the experience of a young person in an average family in which the parents hold the average views on homosexuality. Also, imagine the teachers and fellow students in such an environment. The young person coming out will likely feel relatively unsafe in his or her home and classes; he or she will probably be exposed to the everyday forms of humiliation, hearing fag jokes and derogatory language, without anyone ever considering that such comments may actually be hurtful to others. The only other people who may be sympathetic are other adults or youth who understand coming out firsthand.
