Patricia T. OConner - Woe is I Jr.: The Younger Grammarphobes Guide to Better English in PlainEnglish

A book like this one is impossible to do all by yourself. Fortunately, I didnt have to. So many kind people, children as well as grown-ups, helped in so many ways that its more of a group effort than the work of a single author.

Librarians, teachers, and school administrators were generous with their advice and guidance. Im grateful to Valerie Annis, Beverly Backstrom, Suzanne Burley, Cathy Colella, Jeffrey Phillips, Michelle Segerson, Erin Simmons, and Gloria Urban. Special thanks must go to a special teacher, Keri Snowden, and to her fifth-grade class at the Booth Free School in Roxbury, Connecticut.

Its been a long time since I was in the middle grades myself, but luckily lots of people were able to refresh my memory about the kids point of view. Two awesome girls, Emma Gordon and Mady Sheets, were especially helpful. And many more children graciously shared their thoughts on all kinds of things. Thank you, Sydney Alworth, Thomas Andrews, Samantha Bisignano, Katherine Bradley, Richard Bradley, Travis Bresson, Ashley Brolin-Dirienzo, Stephen Cangelosi, Julia Coyle, Cornel David, Jessica Dumas, James J.J. Einbinder, Anthony Graziani, Becky Hamilton, Emmy Hamilton, Grace Kellogg, Sam Kratzer, Zach Krin, Chris Lowe, Christina Loya, Bridget McCarthy, Emily Morris, Kirby Peters, Ben Steers, Will Stuart, Rachel Vallerie, Cassidy Westervelt, and Richie Wilhelm.

There would be no books without publishers and editors. Im particularly indebted to three savvy women: Jane Isay, who persuaded me years ago to write the original Woe Is I ; Susan Kochan at Putnam, who suggested that children might like their own version of the book; and Anna Jardine, copy editor extraordinaire. If any errors remain, theyre mine alone.

My agent, Dan Green, and my friend Peggy Richards read the manuscript and offered helpful comments. Its great to have people on your side, but its even better when theyre terribly, terribly smart. And speaking of smart, thank you, Merrill Perlman, David Kelly, and Charles Doherty. I owe you!

My biggest debt of all, however, is to my writing colleague, chief editor, husband, and best friend, Stewart Kellerman, whose intelligence and good sense are reflected on every page. This book appears under my name alone, but its a product of a line-by-line, word-by-word partnership in which my thoughts and his go hand in hand.

I n case youre wondering what a grammarphobe is, Ill end the suspense. Its somebody who has a phobia, or fear, about grammar. This phobia is extremely common. Thats why there are so many grammarphobes around, and why they come in all shapes and sizes. If youre one of the shorter ones, this book is for you.

Before we get started, though, lets leave our phobias behind.

Contrary to popular opinion, grammar isnt gruesome. Neither is it ghastly or gross or grim. Actually, grammar isnt growly in the least.

Grammarphobes have the impression that grammar is some kind of ordeal. If thats what you think, youve been misinformed. Torture is entirely unnecessary, and its almost never used to teach grammar these days. Besides, the tools neededthe thumbscrews, the rack, the cat-o-nine-tailsare hard to find, even on eBay.

So torture is out. I know youre disappointed, but youll have plenty of opportunities to suffer later in life. Wait till you have to work for a living.

The truth is that grammar can be fun. You like telling and hearing stories, dont you? Joking with your friends and sharing the latest news? E-mailing and instant-messaging? What makes it all possible is grammar, the art of putting words together to make sentences. You use grammar even when you talk to your pets, who sometimes listen and sometimes dont. In fact, you use grammar every time you use words to get an idea across. You do this all the time, putting particular words in a particular order, sometimes without even thinking.

So why think about it? Because good grammar helps you get the right idea across. If your words arent right, or if theyre not in the right order, the person youre talking to might get the wrong idea. This can have dire consequences.

Ill illustrate my point with what I call the Bad News Rule. Heres how it works. You learn that your friend Chip has fallen off his skateboard and broken his arm. You send him an instant message: I heard youre bad news.

Oops! You meant to say the news was bad. But youve actually said that Chip is bad news! You wrote youre a word thats short for you arewhen you should have used your . The result? Instead of sympathy, youve sent an insult. Now, thats bad news. Sure, you meant well. But what gets through is what counts.

Grammar helps us understand each other. Think of it as an owners manual for assembling the words in your head. You have to put your words together the right way if you want them to make sense to somebody else. They wont do what you want if they arent assembled correctly.

What if every kid you know had a different owners manual? How would you agree on what your words meant or how to assemble them? You might as well be speaking different languages. Imagine two friends playing cards. If one of them thinks the game is Hearts and the other thinks its Crazy Eights, they wont have much of a game. (Anybody for Fifty-two Pick-up?)

Communicating is a lot like playing cards. To make sense, we have to play the same game, and by the same rules. So what are the rules for playing the game of English? You already know most of them without having to open a book.