Kristi Hedges - The Power of Presence: Unlock Your Potential to Influence and Engage Others

ThePOWER of PRESENCE

Unlock Your Potential to Influence and Engage Others

KRISTI HEDGES

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This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought.

Authors Note: All case studies are based on actual clients; however, in order to protect client confidentiality, names and details have been changed unless specificially called out by full name or company. In general, case studies are composites of multiple persons to be most illustrative of the authors point.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Hedges, Kristi.

The power of presence : unlock your potential to influence and engage others / Kristi Hedges.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-8144-1773-7

ISBN-10: 0-8144-1773-6

1. Executive abilityPsychological aspects. 2. LeadershipPsychological aspects. 3. Self-presentation. 4. Influence (Psychology) I. Title.

HD38.2.H43 2012

658.409dc23

2011026474

2012 Kristi Hedges
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America.

This publication may not be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in whole or in part, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of AMACOM, a division of American Management Association, 1601 Broadway, New York, NY 10019.

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Printing number

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

FOR SMITH AND EMERY, my joy
AND FOR MY HUSBAND, MIKE,
my partner in everything

Were all experts at presence. I study it. You do too. Presence has many descriptions. We may call it confidence, or charisma, or being compellingbut we experience it the same. When we meet someone with a strong presence, we can feel it. And if the person is a leader, we are inspired by it.

Executive presence is the corporate it factor.

We are constantly assessing people in a variety of settings based on their presence. It is important to us because presence is a neon sign announcing who people are. Often, whether we decide to work with someone boils down to the individuals executive presence.

Executive presence is multidimensional and dynamic. It means much more than being a great public speaker or making a fantastic first impression. Its about impressions made over time. Executive presence doesnt relegate itself to one segment of our professional lives. People who have a strong presence are able to connect with and inspire those around them across situations. That is never more important than when you need people to follow your lead through a period of uncertainty and changeprecisely what todays leaders at all levels must do every day.

Executive presence means much more than making a fantastic first impression. Its about impressions made over time.

Like many things a person cares deeply about, my own personal interest with presence started when I was a kid growing up in a small town in West Virginia in the 1970s. Like most southern towns, my hometown had a clear line between social classes. My family was squarely working class, where people found jobs that simply paid the bills and a manufacturing position was considered top shelf. There was unstated yet palpable pressure to observe your station in life. Anyone seeming to rise above his class got called out for putting on airs. Who does he think he is? None of this came with malice. It just was.

I noticed at a young age how people carried themselves, especially when speaking with someone considered in a class above them. The first tactic was avoidance. Adults from different classes never mixed socially. Social power dynamics were visceral. You could almost see the intimidation exude from someone in conversation with a social superior. Growing up, I heard many discussions about how one of them demeaned one of us in a required exchange. No one questioned the authority of a person in a position of power. And forget about asking a lot of questions of your doctor. It just didnt happen.

My grandmother was a different sort. I watched her carry herself through the world and make things happen. She was a small woman weighing only about 98 pounds, yet she had tremendous stature. She spoke to everyone, rich or poor, with confidence and dignity. She was always impeccably dressed, wearing a suit and heels most days, well into her 80s. People gravitated to her. She had a core group of friends her entire life. Her presence gave her power far beyond those around her, and everyone wanted to be near her, including me.

No one has absolute confidence. You just need to find a seed of confidence to create an environment where your full confidence can grow.

She had an amazing impact on me growing up. She instilled a sense of worth in me, advising me to walk tall, hold my head up, and look people square in the eye. She showed me how to talk to anyone as an equal. All of this motivated me to do better for myselfand my way out was education. I was a straight-A student all through school, which put me in classes with students mainly from professional families. I was always the poorest kid in the bunch. My life experience was embarrassingly small. I had never traveled more than a few hours from my hometown until I went away to college. To move in those circles all I had was my own presence. I figured out that no one has absolute confidence, but we have enough to get us started if we dig deep. And that seed creates an environment where your full confidence can grow.

Fast-forward to my final year at Virginia Tech, when I was nominated to be the outstanding senior for the entire college of Arts and Sciences, which graduates 800+ students each year. It was a huge honor. I was a communications major going up against the hard sciences and math scholars, you name it. The final three candidates were interviewed by a panel of judges for qualities of academic excellence, leadership, and community service. When I went in for the interview, I was riddled with nerves. All I could do was call on my presenceeven if it was just a seedto display confidence, excitement, and passion. I was told that my interview was the deciding factor. I won the award and was the first person from my department to receive that honor.