Barbara Sher - Refuse to Choose!: Use All of Your Interests, Passions, and Hobbies to Create the Life and Career of Your Dreams

A REVOLUTIONARY PROGRAM FOR DOING EVERYTHING THAT YOU LOVE

BARBARA SHER

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2006 by Barbara Sher

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Sher, Barbara.

Refuse to choose! : a revolutionary program for doing everything that you love / Barbara Sher.

p. cm.

ISBN-13 978-1-59486-626-5 paperback

ISBN-10 1-59486-626-0 paperback

e-ISBN-13 978-1-59486-863-4

1. Self-actualization (Psychology) 2. Choice (Psychology) 3. Goal (Psychology) I. Title.

BF637.S4S5184 2006

Distributed to the book trade by Macmillan

2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 paperback

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To my grandson Leo

Explorer, Lover, Learner, Teacher, Jokester

I wish someone would just shake me and tell me exactly what to do with my life. I hate getting excited over something and being reminded by a well-meaning friend of all the other things Ive tried and failed. Will I ever actually get to use whats inside me? Will anyone know I was here?

Charlotte, a Scanner

Through all the world there goes one long cry from the heart of the artist: Only give me the chance to do my very best!

Isak Dinesen

Many thanks to my home team: Matthew Pearl, my main editor, who is patient, painstaking, and intelligent and who always helps me say what I want to say (and allows himself to be interviewed because hes a major Scanner himself), and Andrea Reese (another amazing Scanner) who not only takes over all my other jobs, but also reads the drafts and catches those sneaky errors everyone else overlooked. Andrea is also my resident authority on this subject for at least two reasons: first, because shes a top-notch Success Teams leader who has personally worked with dozens of Scanners, and second, because her dad is an acclaimed Diver and her grandmother (his mother) was the greatest Scanner I have ever heard of. I always imagine that household with a big smile on my face. (You can read more about all these people on my bulletin board at www.barbarasher.com.)

Many thanks to the helpful, hard-working editors at Rodale who showed remarkable grace under pressure. And always, a special thank you to my wonderful agent at ICM, Kris Dahl.

Id also like to send my deepest, most heartfelt thanks to all the Scanners who answered my interview questions, told me their stories, and read early drafts of these chapters (and a few who stepped forward to read final drafts in a last-minute crisis!). I cant begin to list all your names, but youll probably find yourselves somewhere in the following pages (with names changed to protect the innocent!). Its been a joy to work with such fascinating people.

I can never stick to anything.

I know I should focus on one thing, but which one?

I lose interest in things I thought would interest me forever.

I keep going off on another tangent.

I get bored as soon as I know how to do something.

I cant stand to do anything twice.

I keep changing my mind about what I want to do and end up doing nothing.

I work at low-paying jobs because theres nothing Im willing to commit to.

I wont choose a career path because it might be the wrong one.

I think everyones put on this earth to do something; everyone but me, that is.

I cant pay attention unless Im doing many things at once.

I pull away from what Im doing because Im afraid Ill miss something better.

Im too busy, but when I do find time I cant remember what I wanted to do.

Ill never be an expert in anything. I feel like Im always in a survey class.

If youve ever said these things to yourself, chances are good that youre a Scanner, a very special kind of thinker. Unlike those people who seem to find and be satisfied with one area of interest, youre genetically wired to be interested in many things, and thats exactly what youve been trying to do. Because your behavior is unfamiliareven unsettlingto the people around you, youve been taught that youre doing something wrong and you must try to change. But what youve been told is a mistakeyou have been misdiagnosed. Youre a different creature altogether.

What youve assumed is a disability to be overcome by sheer will is actually an exceptional gift. You are the owner of a remarkable, multitalented brain trying to do its work in a world that doesnt understand who you are and doesnt know why you behave as you do.

And unless you know who you are, youre going to agree with them! Not only would that be unfair and inaccurate, it could prevent you from developing your gifts and making your contribution to the world. The stakes are very high.

Identifying yourself as a Scanner means changing the way you see yourself in the world. It starts with understanding that you should stop trying to fit into the accepted norm at once and begin learning about who you really are. To help you build the productive future you were designed for, you need a set of instructions. Thats what Ive tried to create in this book.

Welcome to a new way of looking at yourselfand congratulations! The jury is in. Youre not a dilettante and youre not shallow, and you have been found innocent by virtue of mistaken identity. You are now free to stop being judged and live the life youve wanted all along.

Now take a deep breath and lets start over.

I should have realized I wasnt a normal student my first week of college, when I looked at the catalog of classes and started to cry.