Silverman Ellen - Relish : an adventure in food, style, and everyday fun

for John,

with whom I want to wander, wonder, and relish always, until the very last bite.

We ate well and cheaply and drank well and cheaply and slept well and warm together and loved each other.

Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.

Virginia Woolf, A Room of Ones Own

I love food. I love to eat it, I love to prepare it, I love to explore through it.

Food is the basis of a joyful, happy lifea life worth relishingand eating well is a framework through which I see all the other things that make life rewarding, exciting, and fun. Sharing food with people turns strangers into friends and friends into family, and it gives me an excuse to sit down with my nearest and dearest and dish about the day. Its how we bond, how we get close, how we nourish ourselves and take care of each other.

For me, life builds around and from the kitchen. A homemade meal brings family to the table and grounds a happy home. A happy home begets a confident lady. A confident lady presents herself well: She has purpose, drive, and zest for life. Zest for life leads to longing for adventure. Adventure means travel and experience that bring friends and more-than-friends back to the home table. A well-rounded life begins with a well-balanced meal. And a well-rounded life is what I wantand what this book is all about.

I wrote this book for a reader who is a lot like I wasand in some ways still am. Someone who relishes life and wants to live the biggest and best that she can but often lets life get in the way. Who cares about her health and wants to keep fit but doesnt always have time for the gym and, frankly, would often rather spend her cash on a killer blazer than a session with a trainer. Who adores going out to eat on the weekends but could do with fewer mediocre, rushed meals out of a box or a bag on Monday through Thursday.

Does that sound like you? If Im right, your home is your castle, but you wouldnt say no to a personal organizer. Custom curtains are a few pay bumps away, but you know what you like and you fill your current digs with a mix of retail-store gems, flea-markets finds, and family heirloomsaka hand-me-downsthat youve made your own. You clean up nice, but your closet is full of things you never wear (and never will unless you drop two sizes and crushed velvet comes back in style). You like to entertain and mean to have people over more. Just like you mean to go to the farmers market more often. Just like you mean to remember birthdays. Just like you mean to go to Tulum.

Am I getting warm? How about the rest of your life? Are you happy, fulfilled, excited? Are you an emotional giver or taker? What do your family and friends like best about you? Do you like these things about yourself? Would you want to marry you?

Speaking of which, are you married? Or seeing anybody? If no, do you want to be? If yes, are you being the best partner possible or just coasting? How about your jobare you in love or simply paying bills? When was the last time you took a vacation? What do you do for fun; what gets you giddy? What do you nerd out over? And how do you give back? Whats your purpose for getting out of bed every day? Where do you see yourself in twenty years? What makes you tick?

Im sure you ask yourself these questions all the time. How am I so sure? Because I ask myself the same ones. I wonder if Im doing it right, if Im making mistakes, if I could be creating bigger and better opportunities for myself. And so do all of my friends! Sure, life is good, and weve got so much to be grateful for. But in our minds, we know life could be even better if we could figure out what we wanted and how to put a plan in action to get us there.

Most of us have at least an inkling of what we might like our better lives to resemble. What holds us back from going for that goal, Ive found, is a combination of not being sure how to get started and worrying/expecting/hoping that the moment to embark down that path isnt right now. For some reason or another, we convince ourselves that wed better just sit tight and hold off on going for gold because were not supposed to have it until were pushing retirement. Even though we have absolutely no idea what the future holds, were putting all our betting money on it to make our wildest dreams come true while we go plugging along doing what we think is good enough for now.

What confuses me is why we think we have to wait for this better life. Who taught us that the life weve been waiting for kicks in when were older, wiser, wrinklier? Why does it have to be the life weve been waiting for instead of the life weve been living all along or at least practicing to live? In fact, if we dont get a jump-start now, how can we be guaranteed that better life will find us down the road? When do we start making choices and taking action?

This is what I ask myself: Am I paving the way to make my dream life not only possible but probable? Or am I sitting on my heels, waiting for that life to land in my lap?

I spent my early twenties trying hard instead of trying smart. Focused on the wrong goals, relying on ineffective techniques, I found myself treading water instead of forging ahead full-steam. I knew that I was doing some things right and that I wanted to be doing lots of things better, but I wasnt sure how to make those changes without becoming an insane, workaholic maniac! I wanted to be able to enjoy life and enjoying living it, too.

In many ways, I was waiting for my twenties to end because I assumed real life, and all the things I thought (and think) I want as part of that life, would hit in my thirties and forties. The part of the equation I was forgetting is that to have that life down the line, you need to start living like you want itlaying the foundation, acting the part, doing the searching and findingnow.

In the meantime, I had my placeholder life: I lived in a white box apartment that looked like an insane asylum because I refused to invest in decorating a rentaleven though I spent two years there. I ate bland meals because I didnt want to waste time preparing delicious courses if I was the only one who was going to be eating them. I allowed clutter to collect, metaphorically and physically, and let it cloud my ability to see clearly. I worked a job that I knew wasnt the be-all and end-all. I was very lucky to have met my boyfriend (now husband!) in college, but I wasnt taking full advantage of all the wonderful things he and I could have been exploring together when we moved to New York City after graduation.

Bottom line: I kept making choices that put my maximized lifethe life I want for myselfon hold.

And you know what? My placeholder life came really easily: It was comfortable and gave me a kind of free pass to go about my business rather than approach every day like the shiny, new opportunity it represented. I was happy, but I also recognized that this life wasnt totally filling me up. I looked around and saw so many people, places, and things I wanted to meet and visit and try. But busy days kept turning into busy weeks, and busy months became busy years, and I felt like I was missing out.