Courtney E. Martin - The New Better Off: Reinventing the American Dream

Table of Contents

acknowledgments

Thank you to the dear friends and colleagues who gave me feedback on chapters of this book, influenced my thinking in huge, important ways, and/or were just faithful champions along the way: Chris Anderson, David Bornstein, Mia Birdsong, Louise Dunlap, Natalie Foster, Trent Gillis, Brian Jones, Kate Madden Yee, Molly May, Dan Pallotta, Parker Palmer, Dena Simmons, Rachel Simmons, Kelly Stoetzel, Krista Tippett, Ethan Todras-Whitehill, and Kate Torgovnick.

I wrote this book for anyone, but I especially wrote it for you, Courtney Baxter. Thank goodness I said yes to that coffee with a stunningly ethical and creative stranger.

Thank you to Tracy Brown, who first trusted that I had something at twenty-five years old to say. You are my agent, but more than that, you are someone whose way of being in the world I respect deeply.

Stephanie Knapp, thank goodness for your conviction that this book deserved to exist. There is nothing sweeter than writing a book for an editor who is also an authentic reader, not someone who has simply done the market analysis. Other than, perhaps, collaborating with an editor and a publisher you adore and respect. Thank you, Krista Lyons. Thank you to Eva Zimmerman for seeing herself in the book and the book in the world.

I discovered that writing a book while mothering a small being is a whole different ball game. Thank goodness my bench is deep. Thank you to Koay Saechao and Betsy Garcia, in particular, who took such loving care of my Maya while I was typing away. Thank you to Christina Zanfagna and Kate Levitt, for sharing our crazy, fantastic lives and a cabin full of ambition and really good vodka. Thank you to Anna Verghese and Vanessa Valenti, who are not only my best collaborators, but my dearest friends. Thank you to my cohousing community, who help me get closer to the person I want to be in so many small and graceful ways. Thank you to Mugs, who has been just a phone call away for a lifetime.

And thank you, always, always, to my family: the whole clan of Carys, whose loyalty and spirit of service are unmatched; Chris and Mary, who teach me about the awake, artistic life; and my parents, who worked damn hard so that I could question all the security they provided. You two modeled the examined life long before I ever read about it in political theory class.

John, my Chief Domestic Officer, how can I possibly summarize my gratitude? You were this books first and biggest proponent. And you never wavered. You made it emotionally and logistically possible.

Maya, thanks for reminding me that nothing is as important as stomping around the yard and blowing bubbles and watching Chicken TV at Uncle Ricks. You were the best reason to miss a deadline Ive ever had. Im trying to get wiser about how to live, in large part, for you.

ALSO BY COURTNEY E. MARTIN

Project Rebirth with Dr. Robin Stern

Do It Anyway

Click with J. Courtney Sullivan

The Naked Truth with Marvelyn Brown

Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters

discussion guide

FOR THE NEW BETTER OFF

1. Are you better off than your parents? How do you define and/or measure better off? Is it about job title or salary? Home ownership? Security? Freedom? Joy?

2. Do you believe the next generation will be better off than you are? Why or why not?

3. What did you want to be when you were 8-years-old? Is there any connection between that and what you do now?

4. Have you ever felt like someonea teacher, a parent, a friendreally saw you and understood what you were best at in the world? Tell the story.

5. Whats the best collaboration youve ever had or team youve ever worked on? What made it so enjoyable and effective?

6. Do you feel that you have job security? What does that mean to you?

7. What did you learn about moneys value while you were growing up, either from what the adults around you explicitly said or how they interacted with it?

8. What is the minimum amount of money that you believe you need to earn to feel safe? Abundant?

9. Who are the leaders in your own life that you admire most? What is their relationship like with their families, friends, and neighbors, and how does this factor into your admiration, if at all?

10. For parents, how does your approach to your children differ from what you witnessed and/or experienced from your parents generation? What is most challenging about parenting? The most rewarding?

11. Are you happy with your relationship to technology, particularly your cell phone? Do you feel in control of when you focus on incoming messages and when you focus on the present moment?

12. What is the longest period that youve disconnected in the recent past? What was that like?

13. If your house were on fire and you had time to grab just a few precious things, what would those be and why?

14. What was the happiest, healthiest living arrangement youve ever experienced?

15. How well do you know your neighbors? How well do you wish you knew them? How much do you know about the history of your neighborhood?

16. Was your transition from childhood to adolescence, or adolescence to adulthood, marked by any kind of ritual? Describe it. What affect do you think that ritual had on you?

17. If you are married or have been in the past: if you were to get married today, how might your wedding be different?

18. What is the most meaningful ritual youve ever experienced or witnessed? What made it so meaningful?

19. Where or with whom do you ask the deeper questions on a regular basis?

20. After reading The New Better Off, do you think of yourself as a success? In what ways do you feel like you are achieving the new better off and in what ways do you have room for improvement?

SELECTED TITLES FROM SEAL PRESS

The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists, and Rebels, by Susan Pease Gadoua & Vicki Larson. $17, 978-1-58005-5451. The New I Do takes a groundbreaking look at the modern shape of marriage. Offering actual models of less-traditional marriages, including everything from a parenting marriage to a comfort or safety marriage, the book covers unique options for couples interested in forging their own paths.

My So-Called Freelance Life: How to Survive and Thrive as a Creative Professional for Hire, by Michelle Goodman. $15.95, 978-1-58005-2597. My So-Called Freelance Life is a how-to guidebook for women who want to avoid the daily grind and turn their freelance dreams into reality. Michelle Goodman, author of The Anti 9-to-5 Guide and self-proclaimed former wage slave, offers tips, advice, how-tos, and everything else a woman needs to pursue a freelance career.

Not Buying It: Stop Overspending and Start Raising Happier, Healthier, More Successful Kids, by Brett Graff. $16, 978-1-58005-5918. In Not Buying It, Brett Graff, the Home Economist, separates the truth about what parents need for their kids to succeed from the fiction perpetuated by ads, peer pressure, and internal fear.

The Anti 9-to-5 Guide: Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube, by Michelle Goodman. $14.95, 978-1-58005-186-6. Many women would love to integrate their passion with their career and are seeking advice on how to do just that. Michelle Goodman has written a fun, reassuring, girlfriend-to-girlfriend guide on identifying your passion, transitioning out of that unfulfilling job, and doing it all in a smart, practical way.