King - BODY TALK: The Body Language Skills to Decode the Opposite Sex, Detect Lies, and Read Anyone Like a Book

I started volunteering with children on the autism spectrum when I was a teenager and continued to do so through my college years.

It was an activity that admittedly started with an eye towards bolstering my college applications, but soon uncovered a genuine passion I had for helping people. And I suppose this somewhat foreshadowed my current career and professional interests

It was incredibly gratifying to work with children one-on-one and help them develop the simple skills that other children could pick up instinctually. Seeing weekly progress and growth was something of a driving force for my college work with autistic kids, and was very nearly a career choice. The thankfulness and pure gratitude of the parents was also something that Im not likely to forget in my life.

But working with a population like that was not without its hardships and was often thankless this is where body talk and body language comes into play.

Aside from weekly nail scratch marks and occasional bite marks, a hallmark of those on the autism spectrum is the inability to read social cues , of which body language is an integral part.

I discovered this for myself on my first day, when I found that my attempts at sarcasm and humor were met with blank stares or very literal interpretations.

Any further attempts of conveying a message through any means other than a literal interpretation of the words failed, and it dawned on me how much of communication was natural, non-verbal, and based on body language and mutual assumptions.

Its like using a series of sports analogies to explain something to someone, but they arent familiar with any of them.

So while this realization definitely taught me to be more precise and exact with my words, the prevailing lesson I walked away with was just how much of communication is conveyed non-verbally and through our body language.

Professor Mehrabian of the University of Pennsylvania conducted a landmark study that found that physical (body language) signals comprise a majority of the communication that we send to others, coming in at a whopping 55% .

How much did the actual words coming out of our mouths account for? A mere 7% , with vocal tone and inflection checking in at 38% .

This is a startling realization, but not one that should alarm you. Professor Mehrabian made two additional discoveries about body language.

First , that much of body language was universal throughout the world and its varying cultures and even the animal kingdom as displayed in apes and monkeys.

Second , that much of body language was also innate, as shown in blind people exhibiting many of the same gestures and body language signals that sighted people do.

So even if 55% of our communications are unconscious physical gestures and body language signals, most of us have a decent baseline in our non-verbal communication skills because many are simply innate to human nature.

But a baseline is just a baseline , and simply remaining at a baseline level of skill isnt the focus of this book or the reason youre reading it.

Unlike rules of conduct and courtesy, were never really taught much about the world of body language and just how to navigate it successfully to do two things: (1) read between the lines of what people are actually saying, and (2) send out accurate messages with our own body language.

Thats exactly what I strive to do in this book.

It makes no attempt to be exhaustive, and focuses on a few of the major body language signals that are used on a daily basis for maximum usefulness. And of course, attraction and lie detection 101 are always on the mind when we think about body language.

Ill take you through the basics of the physiology of different types of body language, the importance of context, and how intent doesnt always match up externally.

Most importantly, Ill explain how body language signals are just like words in a sentence, and can have entirely different meanings in different sentences. They are often paired with supporting or conflicting signals which must be read together as an entire body language cluster .

Its a process. It takes practice. But if youve ever been told Oh I had no idea thats what you meant by anyone, then you know exactly how easily things can be misconstrued.

Its time to learn to listen to other peoples body talk, and make sure your body talks exactly what you want it to!