Daniel Blue - Love Letters Trans

After all the counselling, surgery and hormone therapy this wasn't supposed to happen. This was not in my plans. I still can't believe that I have fallen for another man.

When I was in high school I had a crush on my best friend, Cindy. Back then I used to think to myself 'when I transition, I'm going to marry you'. I used to dream about waiting for Cindy at the altar , and buying a house with a white picket fence, the whole works. That was what was supposed to happen , e xcept Cindy got married way before I had the guts to transition.

We're as different as chalk and cheese, you and I. I want the moon and the stars, and you have your feet firmly planted on the ground. I find it hard to believe that you don't have a passport, that you have no interest in travelling. You just laughed when I asked if you liked reading. I knew the answer right away. You need to know that I cannot live without books. I like music, films, theatre, art, philosophy and daydreaming.

You reek of testosterone. If I could distil your sweat I'm sure I wouldn't need T. And I can tell you're a straight guy so what the hell is going on between us? Yeah, so you had a thrill when you got me into bed. I could see that you loved my little surprise; it was reflected in your eyes. But that doesn't mean that you have to go all romantic and serious on me. If you had met a hot woman who was packing a little heat between her legs that would have been easier for you. If she had the look, if she was really feminine, and no one would ever know, I could see you two together in public. But me? Hell, the testosterone has worked too well. If you get loved up with me in public you're basically coming out as a gay guy. Do you really think you could handle that?

It was weird having you inside me, and yet so good at the same time. I hate you for that.

Isn't it time for you to get over your crazy little crush, to put it behind you and move on? You do realize that we are two straight guys in love with each other. How crazy is that? Don't get me wrong, I like a little crazy, a little unconventional...but this, maybe this is a step too far.

You tell me because I sure as hell don't know.

Regards

Ellis

Hi Ellis

Now you listen to me, M ister...I didn't set out to be where we are neither. As you noted I'm just your average , blue collar straight man. But I have to tell you, there was something about your eyes. As soon as I saw you I was under the spell of those baby blues. Something about them didn't quite seem right for your masculine face, with its angular jaw and trendy beard.

I tried to tell myself to stop looking but I couldn't. During the week I was carrying out maintenance work at your office I couldn't stop thinking about you. Each time I walked by you I felt this little flutter in my belly. You think I didn't wonder what the hell wa s happening to me? Hell, yes, I wondered. I'm not much given to introspection but I had to admit that a gay streak had suddenly unleashed itself in me. How else could I interpret the excitement I felt whenever I was n ear to you? I remember looking at your ass and thinking 'this is definitely a man's ass and yet I am turned on by it'.

If that whole thing wasn't difficult enough , the feelings I experienced when the job was done, and I no longer saw you, were very unsettling. I missed you. I wanted to see you, to talk to you and be near you again. I wanted to gaze into those captivating eyes. Do you know how much courage it took for me to call you number? I was sweating profusely and I could hardly speak. Over the next few weeks, as I got to know you better, I tried to talk myself out of this a dozen times. Nothing worked. And the n , when we got into bed and I saw you muscular, hairy thighs and that little surprise nestled between them...oh! My head was in a spin. I don't think I've ever been so turned on. Your little guy is just beautiful and as for the rest...what can I say? I'm programmed to like that; it's deep in my DNA. I know you weren't crazy about me being so keen on your pussy but wild horses couldn't drag me away.

Sorry if I've been too graphic; I tend to be quite crude naturally. I do try to act more refined when I am around you. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is , if you think this thing is difficult for you try walking a mile in my shoes. Don't you walk away !

Crazy for you

Bud

Hi Bud

See, this is what I was trying to get at in my last letter. Isn't this just a phase, a bit of craziness for you? When you're sitting in a rocking chair one day you can say to your buddy 'did I ever tell you about the time I dated a Trans man?' Is that what you want from this experience? Is it just my bits that fascinate you , or do you really want me?

Confused

Ellis

Hi Ellis

I'm a little hurt that you think it's just your bits that I want. Remember, when I fell in love with you I thought you were a natural born man. I had to rewire my computer to deal with the thought of making love to another man. But, that's what I wanted to do; I was in love with you and I wanted to make love to you. If it had turned out that you had no genitals at all I woul d still be writing to you today.

I'm sorry that I'm not some pretty g ir l that you would be proud to have on your arm. I'm a hairy, slightly paunchy man with a receding hairline and not a lover of books. Yes, we are chalk and cheese but we've come this far. Why not give us a chance?

I've been working at an office where there is a gay guy who is really keen on me. He flirts like crazy and is desperate to get me into bed. He has pretty much offered it to me on a plate. I told him that I can't as I'm dating a really beautiful man. How my life has changed in such a short time. A few months ago I would have been really pissed off if a gay guy came on to me.

I have a confession to make. I bought an ereader the other day and I have actually read a book. Yes, it was erotica but it was a book, with difficult words in it. It was really steamy and it made me wish you were here with me. I know you said you weren't that keen having me inside you but I have to tell you it was just delightful. I wish I could give myself to you in the same way. Maybe one day, if you have another operation, I could.

I'm going to end here because I seem to be stuck on the physical stuff again. I see you as more than that. When you're around I feel really happy and relaxed. I don't care anymore about the gender stuff. Cupid shoots his arrows wherever he wants to.

Don't be confused. If you want answers you've got to ask Cupid.

Miss you

Bud

Hi Bud

First off, I'm not going to have another operation. I can't explain it but I'm perfectly happy where I am. I don't need a huge cock to feel like a man. That's what I am! A man. I still find that hard to believe sometimes. I'm a man who wanted a pretty little girlfriend and now I've got a big, hairy man chasing after me . Yeah, that Cupid has a lot to answer for.

I guess there's no harm in us having another date. Pick me up after work on Friday. I know this expensive restaurant that will test your pocket. Just kidding. It's actually a quirky little place, with good food and fair prices. I hope it won't be too bohemian for you.

And tell that gay guy to back off; I don't do sharing.

See you

Ellis

Hi Ellis

Well, you weren't kidding when you said it was quirky! I was amazed when that stunning blonde came up to the table and started talking to you. I just couldn't understand how that deep voice was coming out of that pretty mouth. I kept looking for a hint of a bulge, but there was none.

I guess that was some kind of test, a baptism by fire. Did I meet the grade?

It was amazing being in bed with you again. Thank you. You seemed much more relaxed this time. And when you used your toy on me... wow! T hat was just divine. I didn't think I would like it as much as I did. I'm a little sad that you won't be doing any further transitioning but I have to respect your wishes. I feel like I'm discovering a whole different side of myself. I actually read a few poems yesterday. Me ? R ead poetry? I can't believe it.