Johnson Jones Hooper - Adventures of Captain Simon Suggs: Late of the Tallapoosa Volunteers; Together with Taking the Census and Other Alabama Sketches (Library Alabama Classics)

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PREFACE.

A small portion of " Captain Suggs," and one or two of the other sketches in this little volume, have already appeared in a country newspaper edited by the writer, and in the New York " Spirit of the Times." These having been somewhat flatteringly received by the public, the writer was induced to accede to a proposition to print in this form. " Suggs" has therefore been extended greatly beyond the original intention, and several new sketches added; so that by far the larger portion of the volume is published for the first time.

If what was at first designed, chiefly, to amuse a community unpretending in its tastes, shall amuse the Great Public, the writer will, of course, be gratified. If otherwise, his mortification will be lessened by the reflection that the fault of the obtrusion is not entirely his own.

la Fayette, Chamtcrt County, Ala. March, 1845.

CAPTAIN SIMON SUGGS.

CHAPTER FIRST.

INTRODUCTION SIMON PLAYS THE "SNATCH" GAB/E.

It is not often that the living worthy furnishes a theme for the biographer's pen. The pious task of commemorating the acts, and depicting the character of the great or good, is generally and properly deferred until they are past blushing, or swearingconstrained to a decorous behaviour by the folds of their cerements. Were it otherwise, who could estimate the pangs of wounded modesty which would result! Who could say how keen would be the mortification, or how crimson the cheek of Grocer Tibbetts, for instance, should we present him to the world in all the resplendent glory of his public and his private virtues!dragging him, as it were, from the bosom of retirement and Mrs. Tibbetts, to hold him up before the full gaze of " the community," with all his qualities, characteristics, and peculiarities written on a large label and pasted to his forehead! Would'nt Mr. Tibbetts almost die of bashfulness? And would'nt Mrs. Tibbetts tell all her neighbours, that she would just as soon they had put Mr. Tibbetts in the stocks,

if it were not for the concomitant little boys and ro' ten eggs? Certainly: and Mrs. Tabitha Tibbetts in making such a remark, would be impelled by a principle which exists in a majority of human mindsa principle which makes the idea revolting, that every body should know all about us in our life-times, notwithstanding our characters may present something better even than a fair average of virtue and talent.

But " there is no rule without an exception," and notwithstanding that it is both unusual and improper, generally, to publish biographies of remarkable per-. sonages during their lives, for the reason already explained, as well as because such histories must, of necessity, be incomplete and require post mortem additionsnotwithstanding all this, we say, there are cases and persons, in which and to whom, the general rule cannot be considered to apply. Take, by way of illustration, the case of a candidate for office for the Presidency we'll say. His life, up to the time when his reluctant acquiescence in the wishes of his friends was wrung from him, by the stern demands of a self-immolating patriotism, Must be written. It is an absolute, political necessity. His enemies will know enough to attack; his friends must know enough to defend.Thus Jackson, Van Buren, Clay, and Polk have each a biography published while they live. Nay, the thing has been carried further; and in the first of each " Life" there is found what is termed a " counterfeit presentment" of the subject of the pages which follow. And so, not only are the moral and intellectual endowments of the candidate heralded to the world of voters; but an attempt

is made to create an idea of his physique. By this means, all the country has in its mind's eye, an image of a little gentleman with a round, oily facesleek, bald pate, delicate whiskers, and foxy smile, which they call Martin Van Buren; and future generations of naughty children who will persist in sitting up when they should be a-bed, will be frightened to their cribs by the lithograph of "Major General Andrew Jackson," which their mammas will declare to be a faithful representation of the Evil Onean atrocious slander, by the bye, on the potent, and comparatively well-favoured, prince of the infernal world.

What we have said in the preceding paragraphs was intended to prepare the minds of our readers for the reception of the fact, that we have not undertaken to furnish for their amusement and instruction, in this and the chapters which shall come after, a few incidentsfor we are by far too modest to attempt a connected memoirin the life of Captain Simon Suggs, Of Tallapoosa, without the profoundest meditation on the propriety of doing so ere the captain has been "gathered to his fathers." No! no! we have chewed the cud of this matter, until we flattei ourself all its juices have been expressed; and the result is, that as Captain Simon Suggs thinks it " more than probable" he shall " come before the people 01 Tallapoosa" in the course of a year or two, he is, in our opinion, clearly " within the line of safe precedents," and bound in