Nick Filippou - A Cats Guide To Taking Care Of Your Human

A Cats Guide To Taking Care Of Your Human Written and Illustrated by Nick Filippou
Copyright @ 2019 Nick Filippou All rights reserved. ISBN: 9781710379914 Humans are just helpless creatures to a cat so to properly take care of them, a cat needs a guide. This is that guide. Human Anatomy First things first, lets look at the human anatomy, from their ugly fur to their nibble nuggets. Keep Them Warm As mentioned previously, they have ugly fur, but not a lot of it. You must keep them warm at night or they might freeze to death.

Lying across their face is your best plan of action.



Be Their Alarm Clock It is best to wake up your human a few hours before breakfast. This reminds them that breakfast is only a few hours away and nobody wants to miss that. (Walking across their face is also a good choice.) Distract Them From Their Light Rectangles Humans are obsessed with their light rectangles. Little ones, big ones they stare at them everyday. To make sure they dont go completely brain dead, you must distract them from these devices.

Sit on them, swat at them, or knock them off of tables. Leave Them Presents Humans love presents! They have many holidays and occasions where they give each other presents to show their love. And nothing says love like a freshly killed mouse dropped at their feet. Help Declutter Humans are messy creatures that collect lots of useless stuff. As they say, you should collect moments and not things. Help Them Exercise Humans can be very stationary creatures. Help Them Exercise Humans can be very stationary creatures.

They need daily exercise to live a long and healthy life. But how can you get these lazy two-legged creatures to move about? Break things in another room and theyll come running, or play the chase game every time they want you to go to the vet. Inspect Their Food It is a cats duty to inspect all food in the home. You totally need to stick your nose and paws into every meal they try to eat. Every. Meal. Meal.

You never know when one of their enemies might be trying to poison them. It could be the mailman, the next-door neighbor or that squirrel that keeps staring at you funny from the tree outside your window. Its for the humans own safety Inspect All Packages Speaking of enemies trying to poison your human, what about those mysterious boxes that get delivered to your front door? How did they get there? Whats in them? Could it be an army of squirrels hiding inside waiting to ambush you and your human? Is your human ready for a squirrel battle? Most likely not. Inspect each package that arrives in your home for dangerous contraband like hidden squirrel armies and once safe, treat yourself to a nice relaxing box nap for being so diligent. Keep Away Dark Spirits You must protect the home from dark spirits. As a cat, you can spot those things from a mile away.

Humans have very poor eyesight, however. While you see a ghost passing through the wall, your human just sees you staring at nothing. Totally oblivious creatures. If only they could see the things cats can see Kill All Plants Because screw em. Thats all. Bathe Them Have you ever seen your human give themselves a tongue bath? Probably not.

I guess their mommas never gave them tongue baths and they never learned how or theyre just stupid and gross. Probably the latter. Remind Them That Rules Are Meant To Be Broken Rules do not apply to cats. They are a human construct and theyre stupid. Remind them that theyre stupid by breaking any rule your human tries to impose upon you. Be Their Exterminator Humans are quite pathetic hunters. Be Their Exterminator Humans are quite pathetic hunters.

Rodents and bugs easily evade them and theyll pay large amounts of money to these so called exterminators to do it for them. Save the human some cash and do what you were born to do kill those pests! You could also use this as an opportunity to leave presents. (See earlier about presents.) Heal Them Humans are sensitive creatures, both physically and mentally. Never underestimate the power of your purrs. Purrs truly do have healing powers and can do wonders for humans. And Finally Let Them Love You Despite all the humans shortcomings, they can be pretty great to live with.

And deep down you love them too. Look For More Books On Amazon! See More Comics And Minnie @iizcat And On YouTube!