Cat Rambo - Ms. Liberty Gets a Haircut

Ms. Liberty Gets aHaircut

Copyright 2014 Cat Rambo

Published by Cat Rambo atSmashwords

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The superheroes are sittingin a back booth at Barnabys Ye Olde Tavern and Pizza. Its not theusual sort of superhero hangout and theyll probably never eat hereagain. Theyve had four autograph requests: two from customers, onefrom their waitress, and one from the manager, who also insisted ontaking their picture with his cell phone.

Its a shame that theywont be coming back, Ms. Liberty thinks. The cheese pizza is hotand greasy, the sensation of consuming it agreeable. Itsenjoyable, even, to sit around talking about the world,bullshitting and comparing stories and wishes and petpeeves.

You know what I hate?she says, pouring more beer. The porn star superheroes. And ninetimes out of ten, theyre female.

Yeah, I know what youmean, Dr. Zenith Arcane says. Names like Pussy Whip andBangAGang.

And Cocktail.

Goddess, yes. Cocktail.They swap wry smiles.

X, the superhero without ashape, methodically shaves away pizza triangles, slurps downhigh-octane root beer. Ms. Liberty and Kilroy are splitting apitcher and well on their way to ordering a second. Alphane MoonBass. Most places dont have it.

Dr. Arcane eyes X and Ms.Liberty. She says, Must be nice to be able to eat like that.Shes got a watery salad and a glass of apple juice in front ofher. She doesnt usually complain. But lately shes been downrightsnippy.

And your hair, I keepreminding you, Dr. Arcane goes on. Its like something out of theearly eighties.

Ms. Libertys hair falls infrosted blonde waves, a mane, unexpected against the strict linesof her red, white, and blue jumpsuit. She touches a tendril at hershoulder.

Are you her parent now?Kilroy says, pouring herself another foamy mug. By the sands ofBarsoom, back off, good doctor!

The children two boothsdown gasp in horror and delight as X changes shape while stilleating. Now shes a wall-eyed, dome-shaped creature, purple inhue.

A ghost from Pac-Man,Dr. Arcane tells X. Celebrating the cultural patriarchy. Embraceyour chains! She takes a sip of apple juice.

Did something crawl upyour supernaturally sensitive ass? Ms. Liberty asks.

Dont piss me off, Dr.Arcane says. Nobody likes me when Im pissed off.

Ms. Liberty takes anotherpizza slice, eats it in five quick bites. She knows why she likeseating. Its not about the fuel. Anything will do for that.(Literally.) Its her programming that makes her enjoy thesensation of something in her mouth. And elsewhere. She can achieveorgasm in 3.2 seconds by saying a trigger phrase.

She really hates hercreators for it. Its distracting. Its dehumanizing. Itsobjectifying. She understands the intent behind it, to have herengage in enthusiastic, frequent sex, hopefully with them. Shedoesnt understand, though, why they chose to then give her freewill, to force her to perpetually struggle between that pull andthe business of being a patriotic superhero, a cybernetic woman:super strong, super fast, super durable.

Even now she feels thefirmness of the bench under her ass, the smoothness of the tableswood against her forearms. She glares at Dr. Arcane.

What. Is. Bugging. You?she says, spitting out each word like a bullet.

We dont have the rightdynamic.

What?

The four of us you acyborg, X a genetically constructed being, alien Kilroy from fourgalaxies away, and myself, a pan-dimensional sorceress

Sorcerer.

Magic-user. At any rate,we need some more human people. To add a few more facets to ourtoolbox.

You mean interview somenew members?

An open call for facets,yes.

Ms. Liberty eats anotherpiece, exploring the hot rush of grease, the intensity of cheeseand tomato and basil. New members. Its not a bad idea.

***

The interviews are held inthe Kiwanis hall. Ms. Liberty, X, Dr. Arcane, and Kilroy go throughtheir clipboards while two dozen candidates wait out in thehall.

If youre going to be ourleader, you need to look like you havent time-travelled here fromthe 20 th century, Dr. Arcane grumbles to Ms. Liberty. You may havebeen built with the blueprints from the Stepford wives, but youdont have to keep looking like one.

Its a little late to bethinking of that, Ms. Liberty says. Her internal chronometer says14:59:05. At 15:00:00, shell signal Kilroy to open thedoor.

Dr. Arcane says somethingunder her breath, glances back down at the clipboard. What sort ofgrrl power frenzy name is Zanycat? she asks.

Zanycat, as it turns out,is a super-scientists kid sister, pockets full of gadgets, gizmos,gee-whizzeries. She demonstrates flips, martial moves like aballerina on crack, and does quadratic equations in her head. Shesa keeper, all right, although shes very young. Her certificatepronounces her barely at the legal age to be a sidekick:fifteen.

Pink Pantomine, a formerreality show star turned hero, doesnt do much for anyone butX.

Kilroy and Zenith likeBulla the Strong Woman, but her powers are too close to Ms.Libertys.

Rocketwoman is vague abouther origin; perhaps shes a villain gone good? Her armor is likesomething from the cover of a 40s SF magazine, but bubble-gum pink,teal blue, like a childs toy. Her gun is similarly shaped: itshoots out concentric rings of brilliant yellow energy thatcontract around a target.

They have gone throughtwenty-two candidates, making notes, asking questions. Thetwenty-third arrives, dressed in black and steel.

Dr. Arcane dates women bypreference but believes that everyone exists on a continuum ofbisexuality. She has slept with demons, mermaids, aliens,shape-shifters, ghosts, the thoughts of gods (and goddesses),robots, and super-models. But she has never seen anything like thesexuality of the woman who steps forward next: the Sphinx. Shesmells of sweet amber and smoke, her accent is sibilant andsmouldering.

Ms. Liberty does not date,has not slept with anyone since discovering how thoroughly hersexuality is hard-wired. The resultant level of frustration,constant as a cheese grater on her nerves, is preferable to knowingthat shes giving in to their design. But she also has never seenanything like the Sphinx, her languid power, her lithe curves, hereyebrows like ebony intimations.

Kilroy couldnt care less.X says nothing, just sings of carrots.

According to her resume,shes a computer hacker and ninja-type. Competent and low-key. Shedoesnt talk much, despite their best attempts to draw herout.

At one point she looks up,meets Ms. Libertys eyes. They stare at each other as thoughhypnotized, but it is impossible to tell what the Sphinx isthinking.

Less so with Ms. Liberty,who goes beet red and looks away.

Why an all-womansuperhero group? the Sphinx asks.

Why not? Dr. Arcane sayseven as Ms. Liberty replies, That was somewhat accidental. X and Iboth wanted to leave our old group and we knew Kilroy was lookingfor work. X and Dr. Arcane were old friends.

Is it a politicalstatement?

Its like this, Ms.Liberty says. One of the reasons we left the Superb Squadron, Xand I, was because we were the only females on there and we weregetting harassed. Im sure there are good guys out there, who wouldmake a swell addition to our team. Maybe well explore thatsomewhere down the line. But for now, its more comfortable to beall women.

The Sphinx nods. She andMs. Liberty exchange looks again. Ms. Liberty imagines the Sphinxas the heroine of a comic book, a solitary wanderer, aloof and sexyand unpartnered.