Jenn Williams - A Tale of Two Bitties

A Tale of Two Bitties Copyright 2019 by Jennifer Williams All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. Printed in the United States of America First Printing, 2019

Jennifer Williams Chenoa, IL 61726 AuthorJenniferLush@gmail.com F or as long as I can remember, Ive said my life is a sitcom, and the only thing missing are the laugh tracks. I believed that funny things just happened to and around me for most of my life. I now understand that it is my sense of humor that creates it. I can experience something with anyone, and our stories about the event will be wildly different because my version with have my out of this world humor embellishing it.

My children were all gifted with my humor, but whether I view this as a blessing or a curse always depends on the day. I am ever thankful for the happy, lighthearted, fun mini-mes I created. They keep laughter in the hearts of all who know them. At the time I write this, Liz (Boo) is 23, Eric is 12, and Salem (Sally) is 10. They are my everything. I know that is a sentiment that gets used more than picture filters on a smartphone, but they truly are.

They are the reason I smile. They are the reason I have peace. They are also the reason I pull my hair out from stress. They are the reason I try to improve myself every single day. If I improve myself, my life will improve which will in turn, improve their lives. They are everything to me and always will be.

I have my own names for the stages of children. You begin life as an itty-itty because youre so tiny. You remain an itty-itty until you are a year old. Thats when you become an itty bitty. This stage lasts until about pre-school or 3-4 years old. Bitties are the best.

You are a bitty until your 10th birthday. Double digits obviously means youre old. I didnt really have any stages after that because it quickly turns into PTS (Pre Teenager Syndrome) followed by the actual teenage years. My son decided to name this stage mini. In the world according to Eric, PTS doesnt begin until youre 12. Several years ago I began sharing their comical tales on social media.

With every shared antic, people started becoming fans of theirs and my stories about them. So many have encouraged me to write a book. It has taken me awhile to accomplish it. Too long actually, but I have finally finished it. I even have enough material left over for a couple more plus they are generating new comedy gold every single day.

D uring dinner with Eric (7)... D uring dinner with Eric (7)...

Me: You're full of beans. Eric: Nuh-Unh! I don't even eat beans. Me: Yes, you do. Eric: No! Me: You eat green beans. Eric: Those are NOT beans. *realization sank in and he slumped in his chair in disbelief* September 4, 2013

S ally (5): You know what's funny? Me: What? Sally: Cheeseburgers have cheese, but hamburgers don't have ham. *realization sank in and he slumped in his chair in disbelief* September 4, 2013 S ally (5): You know what's funny? Me: What? Sally: Cheeseburgers have cheese, but hamburgers don't have ham.

December 14, 2013

T he kids and I went grocery shopping. Liz and I were discussing which salad mix to buy when I noticed Sally (5) was struggling with her arms full several feet away. She had a bag of cut broccoli and cauliflower, a bag of fresh French cut green beans, carrots and celery. I put it all in the cart for her. I helped her and Eric (7) bag cucumbers and bell peppers (green, red, yellow and orange). I asked Sally what kind of tomatoes she wanted, and she picked cherry tomatoes and on the vine tomatoes.

Liz (18): Mom, your kids are spoiled. Me: Well, if they're spoiled on vegetables, I THINK I can live with that. February 19, 2014

W e all woke up late , and the kids had a late breakfast, no lunch. Sally is getting hungry, but we've been out running errands. Won't be eating till we get home which will be soon. Sally and Liz (18) are arguing over who is hungrier.

I decided to butt into the argument. Me: I've been hungry since I woke up. I haven't ate yet. Sally (5): Yeah?! Well I've been hungry since I was in your tummy, so no one can say they're hungrier than me right now! May 4, 2014

T houghts from the dinner table. Sally: (5) had a piece of broccoli on her fork. Sally: Staring contest! *stares at broccoli* You blinked! I win!! .....

Eric (7): *bites into a cucumber slice* Mmmm this has really good flavor! Me: ... Yeah, its cucumber flavored. ..... Liz (18): *adjusted the blind a couple times because the sun was blinding us* Eric: The sun is still in my eyes. Liz: Then delete the sun. Eric: Pfft.

Ok Liz! Me: Are you in creative? (Now, for those of you who don't know Minecraft, let me assure you the last one was hilarious!!) June 5, 2014

E ric (8) decided he wanted biscuits and gravy for dinner even though he hates sausage. Sally (5), having taken the super-secret sibling rivalry oath, must disagree with Eric about everything. This includes what foods they like. When dinner was served, Sally spent 15 minutes explaining to me why she could not possibly eat biscuits and gravy due to having gone to the dentist yesterday. Instead, she ate a plain biscuit and put sausage gravy on her eggs. Meanwhile, Eric had seconds of biscuits and gravy, but wouldn't put gravy on his eggs because 'sausage is gross'.Next page