Delia Ephron - Do I Have to Say Hello? Aunt Delias Manners Quiz for Kids and Their Grownups

Dinner is ready. You sit down. Where do you put your napkin? Around your neck. On your head. In your lap.

She asks if you would like some chicken. Do you say, Gimme? Do you say, Stick em up, Aunt Delia, and hand over your drumsticks? Do you say, Id like a drumstick, please? What about some string beans? Theyre so delicious, says Aunt Delia. You hate string beans. What do you say? Yuck. Give them to Uncle Jerry. He looks like a string bean.

No, thank you. But suppose your aunt puts string beans on your plate without asking if you want them? What would you do then? Say, String beans make me puke, Aunt Delia. Wait until she isnt looking and put a string bean up your nose. Just ignore the string beans and hope Aunt Delia is nice enough that she wont ask you to eat just one. Do any of these drawings show the proper way to sit while you eat?

Download six apps on Aunt Delias phone. Listen. Talk. Snore. Which of these are not appropriate subjects for dinner table conversation? What Aunt Delia and Uncle Jerry did at work today. Tushies.

The dead rat in Uncle Jerry and Aunt Delias garage. Throw-up. Snot. What you want to be when you grow up. That Aunt Delia looks about a hundred years old. Whether you can say without making a mistake, One smart fellow, he felt smart.

Two smart fellows, they felt smart. Three smart fellows, they all felt smart. You want another helping of corn. Do you say, Please pass the corn, Uncle Jerry? Do you say, Yo, corn? Do you bang the table with your knife until Aunt Delia and Uncle Jerry ask what you want? When your uncle passes the corn, you notice that there is just a little bit left and nobody else has had seconds yet. You are the first. What do you do? Ask, Does anyone else want seconds? so that you can leave a little for other people at the table.

Say, Aunt Delia, you didnt make enough. Take it all. Suppose you took it all and then as soon as you put a big forkful of corn in your mouth, Aunt Delia asks what happened at school today. Do you wait until youre finished chewing and then tell her? Do you answer, spraying corn across the table? Do you open your mouth and point at whats inside so your aunt figures out you cant talk?

Do you cover your mouth and nose with your napkin and then do it? Do you aim straight at the chicken and then do it? Do you say, Surprise, Uncle Jerry, and do it in his face? Uh-oh, Uncle Jerry has to sneeze. Do you duck? Do you say, God bless you, Uncle Jerry? Do you chant, Do it again, do it again. I like it, I like it? You are finished eating. What do you do with your knife and fork? Put them in your hair as if they were barrettes. Stab your leftover meat with them so they poke up like flagpoles.