Donald G. James - Manners Will Take You Where Brains and Money Wont: Wisdom from Momma and 35 Years at NASA

Copyright 2021 by Donald G. James
All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Published by Pink Suit Press, Pleasanton, California
www.donaldgregoryjames.com

Edited and designed by Girl Friday Productions
www.girlfridayproductions.com

Cover design: Paul Barrett
Project management: Sara Spees Addicott
Editorial: Michael Trudeau

All photos courtesy of the author except: Page (President Barack Obama), Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

ISBN (paperback): 978-1-7356740-0-1
ISBN (ebook): 978-1-7356740-1-8
Library of Congress Control Number: 2020922773

First edition

In loving memory of our mother,
Muriel Yvonne Gassett James

My friend Donald James seems like a man from another, better time.

Hes a man of science, of education, of service, and of course, of manners. Since the day we met, Ive been deeply impressed and inspired by the leadership he shows and the life he leads. NASA was lucky to have his expertise and leadership for so long; I wish Congress had more people like him.

Donald and his brother Dennis argue here that manners are much more than etiquette, politeness, civility, and protocol. Rather, they write, manners are the authentic and genuine way in which one shows up in the world for good, a foundation for fulfillment and meaning. For them, manners are a moral dimension and a virtue.

From its inception, NASA has been a nexus of our nations innovation and a sort of civic telescope for seeing mankinds future. As the education director at the Ames Research Center and then as NASAs associate administrator for education, Donald led the effort to inspire the next generation of scientists, engineers, and explorers.

In this book, he imparts the wisdom he gained during his long and distinguished career. He hopes to inspire even more young people to attain fulfillment and meaning by finding their own NASAs through which to make the world a better place. And he hopes to inspire parents to consider the wisdom that was imparted to him and his brother by their late mother, Muriel Yvonne Gassett James: Give the people around you nothing but reasons to help you.

Dont mistake this for some milquetoast, go-along-to-get-along philosophy. Being consistently genuine, polite, and principled is a learned skill and hard work. It requires you to step outside your comfort zone, to subvert your reflexive impulse to hit back, and to constantly think about how to stay on the higher ground. It is in many ways a spiritual undertaking and a journey that never ends.

So as you read this book, try to think about how its lessons fit into your daily life. How do you present yourself to your colleagues? To your ideological allies and adversaries? To the myriad people you meet in your daily life? How do the words you speak and the actions you take reflect upon you and advance your goals? Theres some element of the Golden Rule at play here: Are you being the kind of person with whom you would want to live and work?

Im grateful that my parents taught me as Donald and Denniss momma taught themthat being kind and honest is never wrong, and that unless rules apply to all of us, theyre not really rules at all. As a father of two young kids, I believe we all owe the same to our children, and Im glad there are people like Donald and Dennis writing books like this to help us along.

Todays America too often feels like a perpetual shouting match in which opponents face off with no respect for each others knowledge or motive, and with no regard for truth and facts. Too many strive only to gain and to win, not for whats right and just. Too many principled disagreements are turned into unprincipled all-or-nothing showdowns.

Theres an oft-used exhortation to be the change you want to see in the world. Thats Donald James to a T, and the truth is, America needs more Donald Jameses. That he lives in the congressional district I represent is a source of pride; that he lives in our nation is a source of hope. I have every confidence that this quiet heros book will help inspire others to follow his example for a more civil and honest country in which principled public service toward a greater good receives the praise it so richly deserves.

Congressman Eric Swalwell

After I finished the draft of this book in early 2020, the world experienced an unprecedented event: the coronavirus, or COVID-19 pandemic. As you read these words, I suspect the pandemic is still being felt. My heart is heavy over the loss of life and the life-changing impact it has had on so many people worldwide.

The pandemic changed our behavior overnight, from physical distancing to quarantining to enhanced hygienic measures, not to mention the cessation of a vast portion of the economy. The pandemic, as well as more recent social unrest, inspired me to rethink the relevance of this books message. As you read these words, you may know some of the answers to the questions I currently have: Will a vaccine save the day? Will we all go back to business as usual? Will the economy, ravaged by this virus, recover? How will our interactions with each other change? Will exposed societal inequities and social justice matters be addressed?

Though I dont yet know the answers to these questions, after much consideration, I still believe that the messages and principles in this book apply. Only you can determine how the principles might apply to you for today, tomorrow, and beyond.

In chapter 4, Pink Suits, I talk about stepping out of our comfort zone and trying on a (metaphorical) pink suit as a new way to approach an issue. The coronavirus has forced the entire world to put on one big bright-pink suit. For me, maintaining a six-foot distance from those I love and wearing surgical gloves and a face mask in public while hunting for toilet paper and hand sanitizerwhile essentially remaining under quarantine for a few monthsis a whole closetful of pink suits. The virus is like the wind. We cant see it, but we experience its impact.

Another significant change is the near ubiquitous use of online or virtual gatherings, whether for business, education, or social activities. This includes interviewing for a job. Chapter 8, Am I Being Interviewed? focuses on the job interview but is biased toward the face-to-face interview. During our shelter-in-place edicts to thwart the spread of the virus, if an interview is taking place, its probably on the phone or via the computer.

How could the environment of a virtual meeting impact the outcome of an interview? Well, for starters, its more challenging to read someones body languageand impossible if its a phone interview. The quality of the audio and video may be poor and include lag times and distortions. The interviewee may need to be extra mindful to look naturally into their computers camera (versus off to the side at their screen) and to ensure there are no visual or auditory distractions.