Dorothea Johnson - Modern Manners: Tools to Take You to the Top

Copyright 2013 by Dorothea Johnson
Foreword and anecdotes copyright 2013 by Liv Tyler
Illustrations copyright by Julia Rothman

All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Potter Style, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company, New York.
www.crownpublishing.com
www.clarksonpotter.com

POTTER STYLE and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Johnson, Dorothea.
Modern manners: tools to take you to the top / Dorothea Johnson and Liv Tyler. First Edition.
1. Business etiquette. I. Title.
HF5389.J66 2013
395.52dc23 2012050247

ISBN 978-0-7704-3408-3
eISBN 978-0-7704-3411-3

Book and cover design by Rae Ann Spitzenberger
Book and cover illustrations by Julia Rothman
Author photographs by Carter Smith

v3.1

People are often surprised to learn that my grandmother is a world-renowned etiquette expert. I suppose that is because my family is known for being a little more rock-and-roll than Rockefeller. Part of this is trueI was raised by a wonderful and eclectic family, which I am grateful for. But there was something special about my relationship with my grandmother and the things she taught me that made a deep and lasting impression on the woman I am today, both personally and professionally.

When I was a little girl I would visit my grandmother often. One of the fun things we used to do together was go on a girls date. That was always very exciting for me. At the time I was a wild tomboy, with scrapes on my knees, a very short attention span, and a loud voice. She would lay out a skirt and blouse on my bed and teach me the importance of how we care for ourselves and present ourselves in the world. (Oh, and the beauty secrets and home tips! Ill save those for another book entirely.)

On these special outings, my grandmother would take me to museums, the theater, or concerts, but my favorite was when we would go to Bloomingdales. We would walk around the store looking at furniture, makeup, all the latest fashions (it was the 80s, so it was an awe-inspiring sight), and maybe buy a new dress. Then, as a treat, we would go to the caf, 40 Carrots, and sit at the counter to have lunch and a slice of carrot cake for dessert. I remember all of this so wellthe way everything looked, the waiters dressed up with big smiles, ready to take our order. Of course, like any seven-year-old, I had my eyes on the prizethat delicious slice of carrot cake. But during those moments before the cake came, my grandmother managed to show me everything about table manners and dining out. She would guide me, laugh with me, and maybe even tell me a little history, such as where the napkin came from and how we are really meant to use it.

These stories and teachings stayed with me. There was something about the way she engaged me that was unique. She was an incredible teacher because I didnt know she was teaching me anything. I was having fun. But somehow I was learning valuable lessons I would never forget. During our time together, I began to see that she had something speciala kind of grace and thoughtfulness, a natural elegance mixed with a true passion for learning, a great curiosity, an amazing attention to detail, and tremendous wisdom. I noticed that the way my grandmother treated people had a sort of chain reaction, and in turn, people treated her with the utmost respect and kindness. It was as if her behavior was bringing out the best in them. She would often tell me, Livvy, always take the high road, because the low road is so crowded. I learned so much from her on those lunch dates.

Recently I found myself attending a large formal event in New York City. Teetering on extremely high heels and wearing a beautiful (but very tight) couture dress that made breathing very hard, I felt anxious as I sat at the elegantly decorated table surrounded by wonderful minds and brilliant personalities. As I looked down at my place setting, my heart fluttered. Oh my goodness, what on earth am I to do with all these forks, and which bread plate is mine?! I closed my eyes and thought of my grandmother and remembered our girlie dates. I took a deep breath and thought, Ive got this, I can do this, Ive been here many times before. In that moment, all the training she had given me just kicked in, kind of like autopilot. I began to relax and enjoy my evening, knowing I could have a conversation with the person next to me without stealing his bread roll.

After that night, I had a sort of aha moment, where I envisioned myself standing with a metaphorical toolbox filled with all of the lessons and examples my grandmother had given me throughout my lifetime. Now they were always there for me, in my toolbox, to use when I needed them.

This book has all the lessons my grandmother taught me and many more. Im still learning from her even today. As my grandmother always told me, Its better to know it and not need it than to need it and not know it. I think shes right! This clear and simple guide will help you be the best you can be. Use it and I promise youll notice a difference in how you feel and how people view and treat you in your personal and professional life.

Lifes a stage, and actors arent the only performers. Each of us has a part to play, whether as a professional, a family member, or a friend. Regardless of the role, our performance is always enhanced by good manners. Far from empty formalities, manners translate to common courtesy, simply showing small kindnesses to other human beings.

Good manners also show a level of polish that will help you win the confidence of your business colleagues. In todays competitive business arena, your expertise isnt always enough. The ability to get along with others and make others feel comfortable is vital to your success.

This book is for the young professional who is beginning his or her career, no matter what type of employment. It will also benefit those already in the business arena who want to climb the ladder higher and faster. Additionally, Modern Manners provides guidelines about how to present yourself socially.

Embrace good manners! Theyre important and neednt be scary or stuffyand they certainly wont feel that way once youve mastered them. People often get uptight when they hear the word etiquette because it means rules, or they may be fearful of being judged, but the goal here is not perfection. Its to make you feel at ease in any situationand in turn, youll be putting others at ease. As the most valuable business tool you can possess, good manners are a solid investment.