June Eding - Manners That Matter Most: The Easy Guide to Etiquette At Home and In the World

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Manners That Matter Most

Text copyright 2014 Hatherleigh Press

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

ISBN: 978-1-57826-518-3

eBook ISBN: 978-1-57826-519-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

Cover and Interior Design by Carolyn Kasper

v3.1

CONTENTS

WHY DO GOOD MANNERS MATTER?

INCORPORATING GOOD MANNERS INTO MODERN LIFE

25 ESSENTIALS TO GOOD MANNERS

HELPFUL TIPS AND GUIDELINES FOR SOCIAL SITUATIONS

W HY DO MANNERS matter?

Some would say that books offering guidance in matters of etiquette such as Emily Post and Debretts are outdated for the modern world. However, I would suggest that the modern world is precisely why good manners and the practice of etiquette matters even more today. In an era where a message placed online can be transmitted world-wide and where modern cities are cultural melting pots comprised of people from many different nationalities, all with their own customs, the opportunity for making social errors is multiplied many fold.

Good manners are in short supply today, not necessarily because people are less courteous, but because sources of guidance that are relevant to modern lifestyles and language are harder to come by. Manners That Matter Most is an important contribution as it takes an old subject and presents it in a fresh and accessible way. This book reminds us why good practice in etiquette not only makes the practitioner look good, but also helps reinforce a sense of social structure which in the end makes life simpler, better communicated, and less stressful.

Good individual etiquette has a role at the larger level of societyif we were to all practice good manners, would not the world simply be a nicer place?

N ORAH L AWLOR

Friends and good manners will carry you where money wont go.

Margaret Walker

F OR PEOPLE WITH good manners, doors are constantly opening.

Well-mannered people turn chance meetings into rewarding relationships. They approach formal events or stressful meetings with less anxiety and more confidence. They navigate lifes twists and turns successfully, maintaining control and keeping perspective on what matters.

This is because behaving with consideration toward othersthe guiding tenet of good mannershas multiple benefits. As we go through our days, the simple practice of showing kindness to each other, like saying please and thank you, showing up on time, and getting back to someone promptly, goes a long way. Good manners help us make a good impression, provide us with structure and reassurance, and help us get through lifes rough spots with aplomb.

The goal of good manners is not perfection. In fact, good manners guide us when we do something wrong or when things dont turn out as planned. When its time to make an apology, good manners help us communicate sincerely. When someone else is rude to us, being polite helps us handle the situation so it doesnt get worse.

We all make mistakes, and life is unpredictable. When life throws us a curveball, good manners make the ups and downs easier to handle.

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.

Emily Post

T HE WORD MANNERS may cause some of us to think back to childhood, when boring lessons were enforced by a strict older relative or we were scolded at the dinner table.

In fact, manners arent about being told how to dress, speak, or act. Being well mannered doesnt require knowledge of a hundred different rules. We shouldnt worry that having good manners means going back to a bygone era when people were uptight, judgmental, and used decorum as a means to judge and ostracize others.

Having good manners means being kind. It means considering someone elses viewpoint alongside your own.

The core of good manners is the golden rule: Treat others as you yourself would want to be treated.

Civility costs nothing and buys everything.

Mary Wortley Montagu

Having good manners means treating other people with kindness and respect. It doesnt take much, but small actions make a big difference. In the course of a busy day, simple gestures reassure the people we interact with that we are taking them into consideration and doing what we can to make things more pleasant. For those we know and love, employing good manners solidifies our relationship and shows others how much we appreciate them.

These small kindnesses make our lives easier. They take the anxiety out of living in a world where we are constantly meeting new people and encountering new faces. They help make our relationships at home, at work, and among friends more rewarding.

Manners are also reassuring. We can rely on the common language of manners in any situation. When we walk into a party where we dont know anyone, manners make us confident that we will make a good impression. Manners also help us overcome potential awkwardness when we bump into a stranger, and alleviate anxiety at meeting a friends family for the first time.

Manners are guideposts for behavior that serve as helpful road signs on the path of human interaction.

We cant anticipate other peoples needs all the time, or know with absolute certainty what someone else wants. But when it comes to social situations and spending time with each other, we share the same basic desires: we all want to feel accepted, respected, and put at ease so we can have a good time in a new situation or meet our objective quickly and efficiently. We dont want to feel rushed or bossed, put on the spot, or unappreciated or ignored.

Practicing good manners doesnt have to be complicated.

Simple actions make a big impact. Show up on time (or apologize sincerely if were late), serve someone else before we serve ourselves at a table, or hold the door open for someone if their hands are full. These actions form a portrait in someone elses mind of who we really are: a considerate, thoughtful person.