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J. C. Richards - 501 Things to Do with a Zombie

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J. C. Richards 501 Things to Do with a Zombie
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Zombies are, or were, people too! Escape routes, defense plans, survival kits. Enough is enough! Zombies have gotten a bad rap, and its time the redeeming qualities of these brain-eating (but potentially lovable) creatures come to light. Enter 501 Things to Do with a Zombie. Inside, youll see that the undead make the perfect sidekicks for just about anything youve got going on. Cant convince a buddy to join you in karaoke? No worries! A Zombie never suffers from stage fright! Looking to take a leisurely stroll through the local farmers market? Zombies know the secret to picking out the freshest tomatoes. Need to negotiate a new cell-phone contract? Bring a Zombie along to get out of the two-year commitment (he can strong-arm the sales repthat is, unless its missing). Sure, Zombies may have rotting flesh and nasty viruses, but dont we all have our faults? Open your mind and open this book for inspired ideas on how we can all learn to get along.

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501
THINGS
TO DO WITH A
ZOMBIE J.C. RICHARDS
Illustrated by AARON WAITE501 Things to Do with a Zombie - image 1 Copyright 2010 by F+W Media, Inc.
All rights reserved.
This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any
form without permission from the publisher; exceptions are made
for brief excerpts used in published reviews. Published by
Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
57 Littlefield Street, Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.
www.adamsmedia.com ISBN 10: 1-4405-0564-0
ISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0564-5
eISBN 10: 1-4405-0722-8
eISBN 13: 978-1-4405-0722-9 Printed in the United States of America. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available from the publisher. This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information with regard to the subject matter covered.

It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. From a Declaration of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their product are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed with initial capital letters. Zombie
Lyrics and Music by Dolores O'Riordan
Copyright 1994 UNIVERSAL/ISLAND MUSIC LTD.
All Rights for the U.S. and Canada Administered by UNIVERSAL
SONGS OF POLYGRAM
INTERNATIONAL, INC.
All Rights Reserved Used by Permission
Reprinted by permission of Hal Leonard Corporation Splatter art istockphoto / kirstypargeter This book is available at quantity discounts for bulk purchases.
For information, please call 1-800-289-0963.

A way of life that is odd or even erratic but interferes with no right or interests of our own is not to be condemned because it is different.

Supreme Court Justice Warren E. Berger

Disclaimer:While the suggestions in this book have been tested in actual real-life scenarios, the author is not responsible for any missing children, meter maids, or body parts.
Introduction
Since the dawn of civilization (or at least since Dawn of the Dead), humans have been consumed by the need to combat, thwart, or otherwise alienate our Zombie brothers and sisters ( and, in some cases, pets). But in this enlightened age, where hipsters and ex-reality TV stars roam free, it's time we realize that Zombies were once people, too people just like you, me, your cousin Sandy, your neighborhood postman, your local librarian. Sure, Zombies may be brain-eating, virus-plagued monsters, but don't we all have our faults? My dog snores. I probably don't floss as much as I should. It's time we put down the pitchforks and learned to live with the undead! After all, what's more fun, planning an escape route from a Zombie or a trip to Disney with one? An anti-undead defense strategy or a Zombie surprise party? So, I ask you, can you imagine a world where instead of fleeing the reanimated, you celebrate and learn to enjoy a Zombie's many redeeming qualities? Really, when it comes down to it, who or what can match the living dead's intense and unwavering dedication? Their remarkable resiliency? Toss in a Zombie's ability to assemble (which, by the way, makes them the perfect organizers for home-shopping parties), and why wouldn't you make this creature your BFF? Now with the hundreds of fun-filled activities featured within these pages (yes, including real-life recommendations from actual Zombies!), humans everywhere can learn to finally embrace the softer side of these flesh-eating ghouls.

So whether it's climbing a tree or using a Wii, going to a farmer's market or playing the stock market, get ready to experience what infectious and monstrous fun awaits when you welcome the undead into your life. J.C. Richards 1 Ride a bicycle built for two 1 Ride a bicycle built for two 2 Sing - photo 21. Ride a bicycle built for two1. Ride a bicycle built for two2. Sing campfire songs ( the more we get together, the happier we'll be ) 3.

Thumb wrestle4. Go to iHop5. Adopt a pet6. Join PETA7. Grow a Chia pet8. Speed walk9.

Recite all 44 presidents, in order10. Register to vote7 Grow a Chia pet 11 Have a staring contest 11 Have a staring contest - photo 37. Grow a Chia pet11 Have a staring contest 11 Have a staring contest 12 Go apple picking - photo 411. Have a staring contest11. Have a staring contest12. Go apple picking13.

Recycle14. Freecycle15. Unicycle16. Join a book club17. Hang a picture18. Get a passport19.

Shop online16 Join a book club 21 Pick flowers 20 Go to Canada 21 Pick - photo 516. Join a book club21 Pick flowers 20 Go to Canada 21 Pick flowers 22 Replant 23 Give - photo 621. Pick flowers20. Go to Canada21. Pick flowers22. Replant23.

Give a toast24. Make toast25. Do the Sunday crossword puzzle25 Do the Sunday crossword puzzle 26 Do a word search 27 Host a wine - photo 725. Do the Sunday crossword puzzle26. Do a word search27. Host a wine tasting28.

Go to the zoo29. Go to Walmart (your Zombie will feel right at home) 30. Go to a tent revival29 Go to Walmart 31 Etch a sketch 32 Play hackeysack 33 See a musical - photo 829. Go to Walmart31. Etch a sketch32. Play hackeysack33.

See a musical34. Ride in an elevator (be careful Zombies like to push all the buttons) 35. Have a burping contest32 Play hackeysack 37 Mime 36 Petition for Take-a-Zombie-to Work Day - photo 932. Play hackeysack37 Mime 36 Petition for Take-a-Zombie-to Work Day 37 Mime 38 Throw a - photo 1037. Mime36. Petition for Take-a-Zombie-to Work Day37.

Mime38. Throw a sleepover party39. Create a budget40. Create a YouTube video41 Go swing dancing 41 Go swing dancing keep an eye out for flying limbs - photo 1141. Go swing dancing41. Go swing dancing (keep an eye out for flying limbs) 42.

Raise chickens43. Get a flu shot44. Get another flu shot45. Go to a pep rally46. Do the hokey pokey47. Go leaf peeping48.

Go to Vegas49. Shop for a mattress50. Paint a mural46 Do the hokey pokey 51 Move to Brooklyn Zombies really take to city - photo 12

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