Michael Guillebeau - MAD Librarian: You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Library

THIS IS A BOOK of fantasy. But it is about a race of fantastic creatures who actually inhabit some of the most underfunded and overworked places in our often-dirty real world.

Theyre called librarians, and, more and more, theyre called on to shoulder any burden the rest of us dont want. They sign up to work with books, and wind up looking after kids dropped off for day care from moms who cant find anything else, caring for homeless men who cant find anywhere else, providing medical and legal advice, and helping people find jobs. The list stretches to infinity. The resources dont.

But what if they did? What if a librarian had all the power and money she needed?

This book is dedicated to the librarians who should have more but who always, always find a way to do more.

Four of those remarkable librarians inspired the birth of this book, guided it as it grew, and pointed the way to use it to help mad librarians everywhere. The librarians in this book are pale shadows of these remarkable women who make their communities and libraries better every day. Thank you all, my librarian goddesses:

Anyone whos ever read an early draft of mine will tell you that this book would be unreadable without the work of my two fine editors, Lisa Wysocky and Stacy Pethel. And you might not have bought it without the great cover from Artrocity and the wonderful title that provided from librarian Amanda Campbell.

Chris Guillebeau and Cheryl Rydbom contributed a lot of time and useful comments.

Most importantly, I always have to thank the best partner, first reader, and co-conspirator any man ever had: Pat Leary Guillebeau.

Because I came to believe so strongly in the mission or our librarians, half of all of the income from MAD Librarian goes to the Awesome Foundation for Libraries fund, a small working group of passionate librarians within Library Pipeline who provide a catalyst for prototyping innovations that embody the principles of diversity, inclusivity, creativity, and risk-taking. For more information go to

http://www.awesomefoundation.org/en/chapters/libraries.

SERENITY TRIED.

She tried to be a model librarian: professional, polite and as gentle-spoken on the outside as she could possibly be.

Her library was America at its best. In its public spaces, the MADas the librarians called the Maddington Public Library, from the abbreviation stamped on its bookswas the eminently normal center of an eminently normal small Southern city. No matter what else was going on in the city outside: failing schools, drugs in the street, too few good jobs, teen-aged boys wearing their pants too low and homeless men with no pants at allthe city fathers expected Head Librarian Serenity Hammer to keep the MAD a calm oasis of normalcy as proof that the city fathers themselves were actually doing their jobs. And, they expected her to do that whether they did anything themselves or even supplied the library with actual support.

Serenity tried to live up to that, too.

Which was why, on a hot August morning, she was locked alone in a childrens reading room with a coffee cup of rum for fortitude, a rat named Faulkner for company, a copy of Harper Lees To Kill a Mockingbird for guidance, and a highly illegal choice before her.

Serenity Hammer was a librarian. And Serenity was mad.

TWO DAYS BEFORE she wrestled with moral dilemma, Serenity threw open the librarys glass doors on a hot Wednesday morning in August. She smiled as patrons flowed past on their way to her books.

She picked up a handful of books from the to be shelved cart and turned to the stacks. She ran her finger along the spine of one, inhaled the paper-and-ink smell, and smiled again.

Someone screamed, Damned stupid computers. She put the books back on the cart.

Maybe later.

She then walked up to a worn-out older woman who was slapping a worn-out library computer like it had stole from her. Serenity took the womans hands away from the computer and held them.

I knowed this was a bad idea, the woman said. I told my councilman I needed a job and he said they had to close the employment office and he told me to go to the library. But your damned computer just tells me what books you got here. Dont want a book; want a job.

The woman tried to pull her hands away but Serenity held on. The womans jaw was still jutting out but her eyes were full of fear and shame.

Serenity put the womans hands in her lap and pulled up a chair. Then lets find you a job. What can you do?

Not a goddamned thing. Forty years looking after my husband and he died. Now I dont know what to do and they aint nobody to ask that wont charge more money than I got and I just feel like everybodys letting me get torn to pieces.

So, what have you been doing in those forty years?

Cooking and cleaning and raising kids and

There. Know much about baking?

Well, of course. Who do you think made all them cupcakes the kids took to school?

Good. The woman slid over and Serenity brought up a web page. Theres a bakery out on Segers Road. They specialize in making treats for people who have special dietary needs. They were in here yesterday looking for a book on hiring folks.

The woman shook her finger at the screen. They better be careful. My husband Christopher was a diabetic. Theres some stuff you got to know if youre cooking for diabetics.

Serenity touched her on the shoulder. Youre just what they need. But youll need a resume. Serenity slid back and turned the keyboard to the woman. You type, and Ill help you.

A few minutes later, a warm sheet of paper slid out of the printer, and Serenity handed it to the woman. Take that to Stacey out at Liberated Specialty Foods, see if you can help each other.

The womans tears were gone, What would we do if the library wasnt here?

Serenity said, My library will always

A blue-haired woman grabbed her elbow.

This thing aint got nothing in it.

She shoved a book in Serenitys hands and Serenity smiled. The woman was the wife of the Church of Christs choir director. She had joined the Romance Book Club so she could condemn immorality. Flipping through the pages, Serenity handed the book back and pointed to the middle of a page. Here.

The choir directors wife bobbed her head up and down like a nervous bird, studying the page and popping up to make sure no one saw her. She raised her head one last time with her mouth open.

Praise Jesus. This is terrible.

Anything to keep them coming in.

Serenity headed for her office door. A twenty-something woman with books clutched to her chest and a librarians badge blocked her path.

Fine. She didnt want to face what was waiting behind that door anyway.

Ms. Hammer, hes back.

Who?

Amanda Doom pulled one hand from under her books and slowly raised her index finger until it was straight up. Do you want me to get security?

Serenity looked over at the high school boy who had volunteered to wear the red Security tee shirt today.

No.

I can call the police.

Take them a half-hour to get here, Serenity said. Besides, hes cousin to the wife of the district attorney. Well just wind up in a long discussion about his constitutional rights, again. No, we need to end this once and for all. Were a library. Our power is books.

She pulled out the biggest atlas she could carry. Keep his attention so he wont see me coming.

Serenity weaved through the stacks until she heard two teen-aged girls giggling.

Smaller than I thought it would be, said one. More giggles.