Michelle Schmidt - Carried: How One Mother’s Trust in God Helped Her Through the Unthinkable

This story of how my faith carried me and allowed me to navigate a myriad of difficult times in my life could be the story of any girl, young woman, mother, or wife. We all have struggles and hardships that have brought us to our knees. We also all have moments of laughter and great joy. But my story, which includes the tragedy of losing my daughter Annie, became more public due to the nature of my husbands career as a member of The Piano Guys. Because of that publicity, I was the recipient of an outpouring of support and love that was a treasured gift to me and my family.

I wish that each one of you might feel this supported and comforted in the burdens that you carry. It is my hope that my journey of being tutored by God to trust Him morenot only through the loss of Annie but through some of my most vulnerable and personal past experienceswill be the means of bringing strength and hope to anyone suffering at this time. Writing my experience has provided strength and hope for me as well as much-needed healing.

It is also my hope and prayer that my story will help us more fully turn to the giver of every good gift and the source of all love: our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. For He carries us through it all and will truly right every wrong, bind up the brokenhearted, comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and ultimately lift us up. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.... They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint (Isaiah 40:29, 31).

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

As the plane made its final descent into Portland, I looked out the window, anxious for my first glimpse of the city Annie loved so much. But thick rain clouds hid what lay beneath, and the plane was soon engulfed in white puffs as it descended through the cloud cover, giving me a slightly uncomfortable feeling when I couldnt see beyond the wing.

Though I was in a large piece of metal racing toward the earth, I focused on the rain streaming across the window in jagged rivulets, each stream careening backward in different paths.

As we exited the clouds and readied for landing, city streets and buildings grew up out of the ground. But just as suddenly as the city appeared, it disappeared among fields of shorn grass whose deep green blades, heavy and engorged with rain, nestled up to the runway.

The edge of the airfield was surrounded by thick pine trees with shrubs and bushes bunched up at their base, making the airport feel secluded from any other life. No one would know that a large, compact city lay just hundreds of yards away. The deep green and all the trees were evidence of why Annie loved this place so much.

Exploring nature filled Annie with joy.

As I exited the airplane and made my way up the ramp to the gate, I called Annies cell phone, anxious to hear her voice. But the call went straight to voicemail.

My plane just landed, I said. Are you here to pick me up?

I waited before hanging up, absently thinking that if I gave her some time, she would respond to my message any second. But I didnt hear her voice, only the empty silence on the other end. I sent a text instead of calling again, as it was more likely Annie would respond to a text message than a phone call anyway.

I had talked with Annie four days ago, and we had made plans then for her to pick me up at the airport. But I hadnt spoken with her since. Yesterday, I had sent four texts reminding her that I was coming in today. But she didnt respond to any of them, either.

Perhaps her phone was acting up again. It had been on the fritz with battery problems for a while. Fixing her phone was one of the things we needed to do while I was in town.

As I made my way to baggage claim, I admitted the possibility that Annie had completely forgotten I was coming in today, even after all the reminders Id sent her. She had a tendency to forget important things like this. Maybe she had become distracted with the new camping gear Id just bought herthe gear we were supposed to use for our camping tripand had taken it out to test, finding a place she wanted to show me. If she was camping, then her cell battery was probably dead.

I would call and text a few more times, and if she wasnt waiting for me at baggage claim, then Id rent a car and head to her apartment. Though I felt a slight sense of uneasiness at trying to manufacture reasons why Annie would forget I was coming to town todayshe had been so excited about our tripI prided myself on being levelheaded and sensible. I was sure there was a logical explanation for why she wasnt at the airport.

Once I was settled in a rental car, I Googled directions to her apartment. I soon found out it was nearly impossible to navigate all of the one-way streets in Portland. Which ones would lead me to Annies apartment quickly and safely? I eventually figured it out, parked, and made my way to the door. After a hurried knock and a short pause, Annies roommate answered.

Is Annie here? I asked.

Annies roommate stared at me for a couple of seconds before saying in a rush, I thought she was camping with you. Her surprise and distress at seeing me was evident. I havent seen her since Sunday morning. She wrung her hands and shook her head in small back-and-forth movements, as though unsure of what else to say.

Its okay. I tried to calm her. There has to be an explanation. Can I come in, and well see if we can figure out where Annie is? Maybe shell show up while Im here.

But as we sat in the cramped apartment, each silently wondering where Annie could be, I began to seriously worry. It was not like Annie to be gone this long without telling her roommate or someone else where she was going. And now that I thought about it, it was even less like her to not be posting pictures and snaps. I hadnt really realized it until now, but I hadnt seen anything on social media from her for a few days. That was unusual.

I think Ill look at her online banking, I spoke my thoughts out loud. Maybe I can track her down by seeing when she made her last purchase.

But scrolling through Annies online banking activity didnt tell me where she was. She hadnt purchased anything or bought any food since Sunday, at least not with her credit card, which she used for everything.

My stomach began to ache with more anxiety. Something was truly wrong. I needed to do something about it now.

Im going to the police station. Hopefully theyll be able to help us find Annie, I announced.

As I made my way back to my car in the dark and rain, which had begun to fall again, I wondered how I was going to find anything in this unfamiliar city. I began to drive, but my rising panic made my thoughts muddled and confused. I was disoriented and couldnt follow the directions on my GPS, and I struggled to navigate the one-way streets at night. Not knowing where to go or what else to do, I pulled into an empty parking lot in an industrial area and called my husband, Jon.