Mari Okada - From Truant to Anime Screenwriter: My Path to “Anohana” and “The Anthem of the Heart”

The halted screening of The Anthem of the Heart still hadnt resumed.

I, a failure of a human being who couldnt even go out to see all the fans shivering in the damp night, gazed blankly at the silhouette of the mountains in the distance.

Unfortunately for the anime fans who had come to see this film, The Anthem of the Heart might be cursed. Various thoughts clouded my head, and combined with the power of Chichibu, they all became negative thoughts about the past.

Ive done it again, I thought.

Even though the technical problems had nothing to do with me, I thought of them all as my own fault. That unceasing pain in my stomach was something I had experienced in the past. Ah, what was I doing?

I thought Id successfully escaped from Chichibu long ago. Having left that town, where the room Id cooped myself up in for so long had been, I now wrote anime screenplays set in Chichibu and went there for promotional events... On the surface, it certainly looked as if I had come to terms with my past. It actually lifted my spirits a tiny bit every time I went to an Anohana event in Chichibu.

But, well. I guess it was hopeless after all.

I was an adult now; Id stopped being a truant many years ago. And yet, when I entered this place, I lost sight of the exit. The air suddenly became stifling, and I felt as if Id never be able to get out of there for as long as I lived.

The people of Chichibu had been so good to me ever since Anohana was broadcast. They helped me with locating scouting, and they spoke cheerfully to me wherever I visited. Even the neighbors, whom I used to feel anxious around as a truant, all bought merchandise and books to show their support for me. In fact, they even watched more of the anime Id been involved with than my mother had.

I no longer felt hatred toward the entirety of Chichibu. Still, had I been affected by the unique magnetic field this land possessed?

Ah Why did I have to invite my mother to an event at such a horrible time?

I thought Id never show my mother anything I was proud of again after the depression I felt after Anohanas setting was decided. I didnt even tell her about the existence of an Anohana event in Chichibu, much less invite her to it. Even when I returned to Chichibu to make a stage appearance, I never went back to my family home. My mother had found out about an event once before via one of the neighbors, and I gave her a ticket. But even then, I hardly spoke with her.

I ended up inviting her to this event on a whim Why did I have to experience that whim?

After wallowing in the darkness of Chichibu and my own thoughts for so long, I heard a faint voice through a microphone. It seemed that there was some movement in the event hall, but Chichibus darkness had swallowed up all the sound.

Wanting to see if the screening had started again, I hurriedly returned to the music room. No one was there, so I passed through the empty hall and went into the lobby of the venue. A bunch of people connected to the event were sitting on the sofas, but they were limp with exhaustion. I could tell from one glance at their faces that the screening had been aborted, not restarted. It seemed that they no longer had the liberty to concern themselves with me and my feelings. On the contrary, I was the one who started fretting and standing around awkwardly.

It was then that the fireworks rang out.

The fireworks that were supposed to be launched after the screening were rising into the air. I hurriedly opened the door to the event hall; I didnt even have the time to feel scared or anything like that.

When I left the lobby, the event hall was right in front of me. There were lots of people connected to the event there, too, looking up at the fireworks. I looked up as well. The cheers from the fans carried through the air.

And then, as the last firework disappeared, there was a loud applause.

I stood there in stunned confusion for a moment, and when I understood what was going on, I began to cry.

The screening had been aborted. The fans had come all this way deep into the mountains just to watch The Anthem of the Heart. And when the screening stopped halfway through, they still waited diligently, even as they had been left hanging.

After all that, they still applauded for us.

The nationwide screenings of The Anthem of the Heart formally began after that event.

After some time, my mother called me. My mother, who never watched the anime I worked on at all, went all the way to the theater to watch The Anthem of the Heart.

She said, I once said something to you like what that mother said.

She was talking about what Juns mother said to Jun. After her parents divorce, Jun stops being able to speak. She becomes an embarrassment, a thing that is gossiped about by the neighbors. When the daughter asks her mother, Do you really hate me? the mother responds, Im tired.

Unlike that time with Hanasaku Iroha, I hadnt attempted to think that deeply about my mother this time. Because the story revolved around Jun, I thought, Id given the mother that line.

But for some reason, I was happy that my mother thought of it that way.

When I became a truant, the bad one was obviously me for not going to school. My feelings of guilt were mixed equally with this arbitrary idea in my head that it was my mothers fault that Id ended up that way.

Caught up in the mood, I began speaking resolutely.

Im sorry for everything, Mom, I said, in what I hoped was a low-key way.

But the response I got was strangely flustered and excitable. Oh no no no. Mari, youve done great. I was the hopeless one, Im the one who should be apologizing. Ah, Im sorry.

It was a bit of an anticlimax.

If this were Jun and her mother, how would I have written their dialogue? After Jun regains her ability to speak, theres a pause.

Juns mother: Huh... Why are you apologizing?

Jun: Mm. I dont know why, but Im sorry.

Juns mother: ...Okay. Im sorry, too.

Jun: Why are you apologizing?

Juns mother: Mmmm... right. Hey, Jun. What do you want to eat for dinner?

Jun: ...The hamburg steak you make.

Juns mother: Yeah. Shall I put cheese inside it?

Jun: Yeah, melted cheese!

In this halting fashion, perhaps they would drift from the main topic at hand to show off more of the sentimental mother-daughter relationship. An omelet might have worked, but that synced up too much with the fairy egg story, and might have come across as overly forced.

The conversation between my mother and me, however, did not turn out that way. The give-and-take that happen in real-life conversations wouldnt suit a narrative at all. It would just be people repeating Not at all, not at all, not at all for over twenty minutes straight.

Right. In the real world, there arent that many scenes with impressive lines.

The Japanese title of The Anthem of the Heart is Kokoro ga Sakebitagatterunda (The heart wants to shout). I was the one who came up with that title, but I fought about it with Nagai until the very end. He argued that the -gatterunda part sounded bad and was too drawn out, and suggested the simple Kokoro ga Sakebitainda instead.

Im not normally the kind of person who thinks that deeply about titles; but even though Id sworn to accept all of the directors opinions this time, I argued against his proposal, saying, In that case, I want to use a different title altogether. Sakebitai means want to shout in first or second person, but if I used it here, it would mean that the something that wants to shout would have always existed within that person.