Angela Nissel - The Broke Diaries: The Completely True and Hilarious Misadventures of a Good Girl Gone Broke

The characters in this book are real, but it bears mentioning that I have used pseudonyms for a number of them in order to protect their privacy, and in a few cases I have gone a step further by altering their descriptions just to cover my ass even more. Though this is a work of nonfiction, I have taken certain storytelling liberties, particularly having to do with the timing of events. Where the narrative strays from strict nonfiction, my intention has been to remain faithful to the characters and to the essential drift of events as they really happened.

Youre a damn liar, Ang! This cant all be true. No one would date a lunatic chicken farmer just to get free rotisserie.

Well, I did. When youre as broke as I was, you really dont mind deranged people as long as they bring food.

Hmm, I guess some people would consider me deranged, too. What healthy person keeps a diary of the scandalous things she does to make ends meet?

Thing is, everyone has a broke diary. Maybe you never wrote yours down, perhaps your broke diary is just a collection of memories from college, or all those low-paying jobs you had. Maybe your broke diary is no memory, cause youre broke as hell right now and sitting in that bookstore chair planning on reading my whole book over a latte and a scone instead of buying it.

Yeah, I know how you feel. Yep, people used to say the youre going to look back at these broke times and laugh one day line to me, too. Thing was, I needed to laugh while I was broke, not laterwhen my checks were so rubber, I had to get them rotated and balanced. To facilitate the laughter, I started posting a few of my broke diary entries on the Web. Broke people the world over took a break from slurping up their ramen noodles to laugh at me. Seems even the brokest of the broke thought my fiscal dilemmas were a bit bizarre. (You mean everyone doesnt break up her landlords marriage just to get out of paying rent? People have no creativity!)

Thankfully, those days of giving free laughs and lessons to my fellow broke man are over. Some big powerful book publishing people surfed across my diary and now Im getting paid to write about being broke! Well, provided that you get up from that bookstore chair and actually buy the book... or in a couple of years youll be not buying the sequel to this book.

And Ill be eating more of Farmer Boys pets. (It was a damn tasty meal, though.)

Two piece and a biscuit,

Ang

The Broke Diaries

$$$$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$$

J ANUARY 5

Dear Broke Diary:

Ive been standing in line for seven minutes.

Oh, you know which line. Its the beginning of the spring semester and Im in line.

No, of course Im not in the bookstore line, I cant afford textbooks.

This is the sign up for our credit card and get a free gift pack full of toiletries and mints line.

Im kinda in a rush today, but Janelle says the cans of shaving cream are really big this year. Plus, she told me they dont have Not for Sale stamped on the bottom of the can like the ones last year. That means we can hang on to them until the holidays and give them to relatives as stocking stuffers.

I know Im a hypocrite. I balk at giving my Social Security number to the phone-company people, but I will not only give my Social Security number to this man with the free Certs, I will wait in line as long as it takes to do so.

I am waiting in line to exchange my personal information for shaving cream, deodorant, and food.

This is my own personal Great Depression.

Oh well, I hope I get spearmint flavor this year.

I dont like peppermint.

Love,

Angie

J ANUARY 6

Dear Broke Diary:

You know what? Call me slow, but those mints arent free.

Im looking at my last six credit-card statements, and through my interest accrual and late fees Im subsidizing the free-mint program for every student in North America.

Howd I get used like this? I didnt even mean to use this credit card. Ever. I signed up for it last year, got my free Frisbee, and promised myself it would be only for emergencies. That is, if I was even approved: Why would they give a card to a student who earns less in a year than most people pay in taxes?

Well, obviously if Im sitting here writing about the card, they approved me. Amazing how things become emergencies when you can charge them to a credit card. That new leather jacket, boy, if I ever get stuck somewhere out of town, Im sure it will transform into a train ticket and get me home. Good old emergency leather jacket.

So, um, if youre a college student reading this right now and you have soft silky legs and cool minty fresh breath, thank me, okay? Dont thank the guy at the credit-card table. Hes there to bring you down.

Im serious. I think I need to go see a campus counselor. I dont think I can walk by that mint table again. If I see a student pop a mint, I might snatch him up by the collar and take the rest of the pack. Those mints are mine! And everyone on campus should be stinky and hairy except for me. Gimme my mints!

Know what? Im going to get back in that line right now and get five more packs. I deserve at least that. Ill write down fake Social Security numbers.

Ang

Postscript at 4:00 P.M. :

Well, well, well. Dont I feel a tad stupid? I forgot that you had to give the dude at the sign-up table your student I.D. Which, coincidentally, has your Social Security number on it. I couldnt put down a fake Social Security number, so I might be getting two new credit cards. (Whose bright idea was it to put our Social Security numbers on our I.D.s? Lose your I.D. and someone knows what you look like, has your signature, can look in the student directory to get your address, then can sign up for a home mortgage. Hell, with the info thats on our student I.D., someone can steal our whole identity. Go, Ivy League!) (P.P.S. I hear they are going to stop doing that next year. Wonder how many meetings thatll take and if itll raise tuition.)