Chris-Tia Donaldson - This Is Only a Test: What Breast Cancer Taught Me about Faith, Love, Hair, and Business

I was down to three pairs of clean underwear and two pairs of socks. For once in my life, I packed light. I had come to Bali almost three weeks ago with a pair of flip - flops , two bathing suits, twenty - one pairs of underwear, ten black Old Navy tank dresses, and no makeup. I was on a mission to figure out what the fuck just happened to me . I had no clue what I would find thereall I knew was that I wanted a complete do - over .

People come to Bali for all kinds of reasons. This magical place set in the heart of the Indian Ocean, just off the coast of Indonesia, is known just as much for its rich food, beautiful culture, and lush greenery as it is for its beaches. For years, Australians have flocked to Balis waters in droves to surf the epic waves, communal bonfires, and endless nights of drinking and partying.

Me? Id come to Bali to find answers.

I had never been before, but many years ago, I read Elizabeth Gilberts New York Times bestseller, Eat Pray Love , a book about one womans journey to put her life back together after a divorce. The book would lead to Bali becoming the destination of pilgrimages for many women in crisis. I was self - admittedly in crisis, so I thought, why not go to Bali and figure out who I was and why I never felt like I had, or was, enough? So, the day after finishing my cancer treatments, I booked a ticket and began my journey of self - discovery .

I had no idea how I ended up here thirty - six years old with breast cancer and no family history of the disease. I was in pretty good shape, especially for my age. For the last few years, I had eaten a mostly vegetarian diet. I didnt smoke. I worked out regularly. So, after being a picture of health, how did I get breast cancer? Its a question I still cant answer with certainty, to this very day. But if I had to guess, Id say it had a lot to do with stress and the pressure I put on myself to be perfect and live my life on other peoples terms. Many women are raised with the unrealistic idea of being a superwoman, wanting it all, having their cake, and eating it, too. Ive pushed myself all my life to be the best, to be number one, to live up to my mothers legacy, and by some measures, Id done it. Or so I thought.

***

I always say 2015 was the best and worst year of my life. On March 1st of that year, my company, Thank God Its Natural (tgin), launched in 250 Target stores. We had an incredible year, and it took the company to a whole new level. On December 16th of that same year, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 invasive ductile breast cancer.

After nine months of doctors appointments, endless biopsies and X - rays , eight rounds of chemo, thirty - three rounds of radiation, five to six trips to my therapist, a lumpectomy, and freezing my eggs, my company was somehow still intact.

I, however, was a complete and utter mess. It was like I had fought in a war, only to come home and be thrust back into my old reality with a major case of PTSD. Nothing felt normal. Cancer treatment was grueling, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Even though I had a pretty positive experience while undergoing treatment, with every test, X - ray , and biopsy, I was waiting on pins and needles to know whether everything was all clear, whether the cancer was responding to treatment, or even worse, whether it had spread to other parts of my body. After surviving all of that, I felt like Id dodged a bullet. The stress was more than I could handle or even imagine.

Yet, all the tests, treatments, physical pain, and exhaustion that came with battling cancer were far more relaxing than juggling being the CEO of tgin while also working a full - time job as senior corporate counsel at Oracle, one of the worlds largest software companies.

***

It was my last day in paradise before I headed back home to Chicago, and I had some tough decisions to make.

I sat there, looking out from my hotel room at the lush, tropical foliage that went on for miles just outside my window. I had spent days gazing at the mountains of jungle rainforest and listening to the rushing waves from the Ayung River crash against the rocks a few hundred feet below. And, on certain days, if you caught the sun at the right angle, you could see the most brilliant rainbow sparkling in the reflection of crystal - clear waterfalls. Beyond that, there was only peace. And calm. The life - altering kind of calm you never experience in your real, everyday life.